DSaF: Oneshots (Dave/Old sport)

Welcome To The Show!

Another fucking day. Phoney had gone off at me at least three times in the last five minutes and around half of the kids were high of off Ronaldo's pizza. Matt was... Matt was being Matt.
One thing was different today and that would be Dave. Usually, the guy was glued to me as soon as I walked through the door. Today though, he was rarely around. I had only seen him a total of two times. He was either running past or working on something.
It was a relief that I got some personal space, although I must admit, I felt like I was missing something. Not to mention that the day so far has been pretty boring without him.
Hmm... No, y'know what?! I can have fun on my own! I don't need to rely on Dave! I CAN MAKE MY OWN SHENANIGANS!
What should I do first? Looking over the dining area in front of  me, I decided to go to the kitchen.
"Ah! My number one Persimmon!"
"Ronaldo!" Wait... what was a Persimmon? Eh, whatever.
"Welcome, welcome! I assume you are here to make some wonderful pizza?" Ronaldo was kneading some dough, just looking at it, you could see that mould had long taken over.
"Why, yes! I am!" Making my way to a cupboard, I picked out the ingredients for dough. Phoney had recently stated that we were supposed to make the dough, not pick it out of the trash... killjoy.
After I had all standard ingredients in the bowl, I went searching through some cupboards for something specific.
"Hey, Ronaldo! Where do you keep the cyanide?"
"In the cupboard to your right." Opening the cupboard, I found millions of gallons of ketamine. Oh! And the cyanide!
"Thanks Ronnie." I grabbed the cyanide and poured it into the mixture.
After kneading it for a while, I rolled it out and placed it on a tray. I decided to make this look like a pepperoni pizza... no one needed to know more than that.
Placing it in the oven, I ate some of the pepperoni slices I didn't use. They were pretty good, but the spice wasn't very intense. Probably for the kids sake.
...Was this even safe to eat? By Freddy's standards, probably.
Ding! The pizza's ready! I pulled the freshly cooked pizza out. Yes, without a mit. Yes, IT FUCKING HURT.
Mmm... the bitter smell of cyanide. Actually, it smelt the same as the rest of the pizza here; poisonous.
Grabbing the pizza cutter, I sliced eight fairly even pieces.
"Welp, I'll see ya later Ronaldo!" Ronaldo waved before I left with four plates of pizza. Looking at my soon-to-be victims, I noticed the purple man working -or tampering- with the stage lights. Maybe I should go and see what- NO! IM FINE!
I decided to target five different kiddens. Two were twins and looked about two or three, so they'd share a plate. Trying to seem like the kid-friendly guy, I practically danced to each table, dropping off the pizza as I went. Most parents smiled and thanked me, except for one who was ASLEEP. How could you just let your guard down so low in a place like this?! Guess the parents are just as dull as the kids.
Okay, where could I sit as I watch my victims die? How about the stage? Good idea, right in plain sight! I went and took my place on the edge of the stage. I purposely ignored Dave as he stood up and walked off. But as soon as he was gone, I gave in to the urge to look where he had been. Something was on the floor. Getting closer I saw that it was a note.
Was this sounding cliché or what?
'You didn't...'
I didn't?
No, you didn't.
I didn't what?
What did you do?
What didn't I do?
You did what?
I did not.
... ehem. Anyway. The paper looked as if it had been torn, only one corner being untouched.
I pocketed the note and sat back down in my spot, seeing that one of the kids was already vomiting up blood. The parents were panicking, one even fainting. I watched as the five kids dropped to the ground. I'd given up containing my laughter a long time ago, the parents were, thankfully, all to scared and stressed to notice me.
"OH GOD. WHAT THE H-HECK HAPPENED?!" Ah, as expected, Phoney came out right on time. He was gesturing a shaky hand to the large pools of blood that had pizza mixed in.
"E-EMPLOYEE! IM TALKING TO YOU!"
"Okay, okay. Jeez, what is it?"
"What do you mean, 'what is it'?! KIDS are dropping DEAD!" You think Phone-fuck would be used to it by now. Especially since recently, there's been a higher number of deaths happening here.
"Oh! Didn't see that." I sincerely loved being a smartass around Phoney.
"Yes you did! You were sitting here, laughing at them! What the ffffff-f... HECK?!"
"I wasn't laughing at that! I was laughing at..." Wow, there really wasn't anything else that he could've possibly been laughing at.
"I'M GONNA GET SUED FOR THIS! I don't want to deal with more lawsuits than I already have!" Phone-head threw his arms up in frustration, frantically making hand gestures to the kids and parents. Or maybe to the building in general.
"You're in SO much trouble for this. I..." I was expecting him to keep yelling about fines and how horrible I am, but rather, muffled glitch noises came from his speaker and he walked off.
"Ok then." I decided to sit and watch until the five families left in ambulances and everyone calmed down.
Now that was really interesting! That took around two hours of my time! I'm doing great entertaining myself!
WHAT NEXT!?
Blowing up urinals! Sounds great! Just needed to get firecrackers, I already had a lighter. I approached the prize corner, being greeted by Matt's unsettling grin.
"Hello orange man."
"Fuck you, Matt." I smashed the glass of the counter and took the firecrackers, throwing the tokens in Matt's face. Seemed civil enough... but instead of giving him 105 tokens, I only gave him 104. HAH! I'M A FUCKING MADLAD! PAYING HIM ONE TOKEN LESS THAN REQUIRED! SUPER BAD-ASS! Feeling quite giddy, I made my way to the restrooms.
I split the firecrackers evenly between each urinal, putting them in. I eagerly moved the lighter to each fuse, quickly moving between each one. Alright, now that that's done... RUN.
I just managed to get out as they begun going of, sparks flying everywhere and loud popping coming from inside.
"W-WHAT THE H-HECK?!?" Thats my queue to leave. I quietly slipped away from the restrooms, careful to avoid Phoney.
I eventually had found my way to the dining area, trying to act as innocent as possible, I walked around the tables acting as if I were just supervising.
"E-EMPLOYEE!! DID YOU D-DO THIS?!" Phoney had run over, shaking me violently.
"It wasn't me, it was Freddy!" Phoney stopped and somehow stared at me. After a few seconds he let go and ran off to party room 2 where Freddy was performing for kids and more than likely beating the fuck out of them.
Wow, he bought it!
I silently cheered at my victory as I spinned around on my heels, facing the stage. Oh, there's Dave. I really wanna ask him what the note was about... BUT I CAN'T AND I WON'T! Although I couldn't help but be curious. How could someone so confident and loud just suddenly lock himself away all day? Did something happen that I don't know about? GOD DAMMIT I HATE BEING CURIOUS.
Oh- never mind, he's gone again.
You should go see if there's another note.
No, that's getting involved with Dave's business and I'm not doing that.
Why not? If there really is one there, you'll never know what it says.
And?
Isn't that annoying?
Ok, yes. That is annoying. I made my way over the stage again, avoiding any contact with the animatronics. I found that Dave was messing with the sound system. Beside one of the speakers I found another note.
Guess I was right. I picked it up and read the few words off of the torn paper.
'give me'
That's all that was written on the paper. I pulled out the other note from before.
' give me, you didn't...'
No, idiot. It's-
'You didn't give me...'
Are you sure? It doesn't quite make sense.
Yes I'm sure! Plus, the 'you' had a capital, stating it's the start of a sentence.
But...
NO. THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS.
...Okay.
The two pieces fit together.
Okay, so we're making puzzles now are we? This could be interesting...
For the rest of the day I laid back, only destroying something every now and then. Dave came out every thirty minutes or so, working on something on stage, leaving notes behind each time. So far I had-
'You didn't give me a...' I'd only found one other note.
I was only missing one piece. It was ten minutes from closing time and I doubted that Dave was going to reappear again. What was I going to do with an unfinished note?!
DING DING DING! Six 'o' clock, closing time. After hearing the loud bell, all the customers started leaving and within a few minutes, the place was empty. Guess I'd better go say good bye to Phoney.
I walked into the security office.
"Seeya' Pho-..." He wasn't here. He was usually in the office after closing time.
I could go looking for him, but the lazy side of me said to just leave and I was listening to it. I wandered through the hallway, soon reaching the dining area. The stage wasn't lit like it usually was and the rest of the room was quite dark. I could vaguely see the front door, next to it the window I leave through. Getting closer, I saw that a padlock was holding it shut. It was plain silver and seemed really shitty in quality. This was one of Dave's padlocks...
A little weirded out, I tried using the front door, only to find it was locked. Picking locks wasn't my forte, so it appears that I was stuck here.
CLUNK.
The stage lights flicked on brightly. My eyes had adjusted to the dark and now being confronted with such light, it felt painful for them to readjust.
Looking at the stage, I saw no one.
Okay, I know this place is haunted but do your ghosty shit when I'm not here.
Tack tack tack tack.
Footsteps echoed as a purple figure walked onto stage.
Dave.
"Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen!" What is this? WHAT. IS. THIS?!? What is he doing?! I just wanna go home but nooo- some weird ass fucking shit has to happen doesn't it?
"Welcome the show you've all been waiting for! Today, I have a few special guests!" Dave signalled to his right, within a few seconds, Phone guy walked out. He didn't look his best, he never did. But this was the 'I've been kidnapped by a purple psycho child murderer please help' kind of look. Phoney stood straight beside him, Dave continued.
"Say hello to Phoney! Your number one Phone guy!" Dave stopped, letting his arm fall back to his side. I was a little worried, but also kinda impressed. The setting was quite eerie, that's what I assumed Dave was going for. Almost like a circus. Dave the ringmaster. Phoney, his lovely assistant that for some reason always wears really exposing costumes.
What?
Y'know, how all the women in circuses wear those transparent costumes.
Maybe...?
Dave clicked his fingers and all the lights went off. I heard a short muffled 'heck' from who I assume to be Phone head before it became silent. The lights flicked on again, showing that the stage was completely empty except for one last note. I cautiously walked towards it, picking it up once I reached the front of the stage.
'Hug...' Placing the last piece where it belonged, I had officially completed the note.
Wait...
'You didn't give me a hug."
Aw jeez.
Yesterday Dave, as usual, came up to me for a hug as soon as I walked through the door. I often let him but yesterday morning had been pretty horrible. I forgot to wash my clothes, so I had no clean ones left. My power got cut off because I forgot to change the numbers on the bill... what? You think I actually pay them? My makeup was running out so I'd have to go out of my house to get more, IN MY OWN TIME and while walking to work I fucking FELL ON MY FACE. What a great day that'd turned out to be! Im pretty sure that Dave glared at me for the rest of the shift.
Well, guess I was going to pay for my 'ignorance'.
"HEYA SPORTSY!" JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST-
"Ah!" After my vision being suddenly flooded with purple, I fell back, hitting the floor. When I looked back up at the stage, I saw that the purple fuck wasn't there anymore. Deep laughter echoed through the room making it sound as if he were in fifty different places. I swallowed hard, like I'd just eaten concrete.
"Uh... Dave...?" For a while, everything was silent. No light flickering, no floor creaking, no movement. None at all.
CLUNK.
The lights were back off again, leaving me almost completely immobilised.
CLANG.
Metal hitting metal. Being so aware, the sound rang in my head for a while, being nearly painful.
Tack... shff... tack tack... shff.
CLUNK.
Dave was standing in the middle of the stage holding Phoney from his shirt collar like he was a garbage bag, which wasn't wrong. But seeing that sent some panic through me. Was he dead? I hoped that he was at least conscious.
"And for my second guest..." Dave looked more psycho than before. He looked at me straight in the eyes, dropping Phoney. His head hit the ground, making a loud crash. It sounded like something had definitely broken.
"You coming?..." My attention was ripped from the potentially broken Phone guy by a purple hand outstretched to me. I don't know what possessed me to do so, but I took his hand. I was instantly pulled up onto stage, looking out to the non-existent crowd.
"My one and only Sportsy! The best and most precious one here!" I smiled feeling a little flattered although it quickly vanished when I remembered the situation. Phoney had attempted to get up but Dave stood on his head, forcing him to stay down.
"Dave..." My voice was small, almost a squeak. Being honest, that was kind of embarrassing.
"Why... What are you doing?! I had a really bad morning! You couldn't of gone just one day without a hug?" Dave didn't really seem to pay attention. He just kept swinging like he was being blown around by a breeze.
"Dave!" He hummed and looked at me with a blank expression on his face.
"Oh! SPORTSY!!" Dave practically lunged onto me,making me fall back. Unsurprisingly, he didn't let go, he nuzzled further into my neck like a cute kitten... no, nOT CUTE I TAKE THAT BACK.
HAHAHAHAH YOU FUCKING BASTARD YOU SAID IT!
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE BITCH!
I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M YOU-
NO BUT- never mind.
"Where were you? I was looking for you all day."
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" As I sat up, Dave looked at me confused, almost innocently.
"You get pissed off because you miss out on one hug and then you go and throw some weird circus show that nearly kills out boss?!" I desperately wanted to continue my screaming and yelling but I was way too tired to physically do that. Dave's confused expression transformed into a happy one.
"What do you mean? I was working all day! Every time I tried looking for you, it's like you didn't exist." Now it was my turn to be confused. How could he not know that he locked himself in a cold, damp safe room for the day and tampered with god knows how much equipment just to get my attention? Anyone could remember that!
In my daze, Dave had gone back to hugging me. In my shock, I just hugged him back. Not a full-on hug, but more-so lazily wrapping my arms around his torso.
"But... you were-"
"Woah! It's way past closing time! Why are you still here?" W H A T? Does he not see the partially dead Phone guy on the ground literally just a few feet away from us!?
"Dave, I-"
"C'MON SPORTSY! LET'S GO!" Let me finish my fucking sentence! Before being able to speak again, I was mercilessly dragged to the exit.
"Bye Phoney!" Dave was waving to the phone still lying on the stage floor. God, if I come here tomorrow and he's still laying there, don't expect me to stay for dinner. I slowly waved to Phoney before being pulled out. Why did I even bother?
I had no clue as to where Dave was taking me and right now I didn't care, I just wanted to sit down... or die. Dave was skipping around like a fucking kid.
Did he seriously not remember anything? Can I also just mention how fucking weird it was to have this purple, not at all self contained, confident, almost child-like man suddenly snap after being rejected a hug? He was almost completely different. A different personality? Perhaps bipolar disorder...
Okay, I was way too deep in thought-
"Heya, Dave!" He came to an abrupt stop, turning to give me his full attention.
I was going to say something funny or maybe just something to get me out of my head but looking at Dave. He looked a little tired. I mean, of course he always looks tired, who doesn't? But this was a different type of tired. Something like a deeper wariness.
"You ok?"
Flicker. There goes his eyes. I'd almost expected them to blow like a lightbulb, but they quickly returned to normal.
"Of course! I'm with my Sportsy and I get to take him home, probably the best thing I can imagine!" I chuckled lightly as his smile somehow spread further across his face.
...
WAIT, TAKE ME HOME?! WHAT THE FUCK I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS-
Dave pulled on my arm again, dragging me along like a wheelbarrow. I was gonna die, or at least get my intestines scooped out of my body.
-
This is terrible.
Anyway- you may of noticed the small conversations Old Sport was having with himself... did that work? What about the whole thing with Dave? I feel like this story just wasn't as good written out as it was as a thought.