Better || l.h

Chapter 1

       "Elissa, are you listening to anything i'm saying?"

My eyes are glued to the outside of the car window. It's been the first time in months since i've seen the sunlight hit the evergreen trees and the fluorescent lilacs in the open fields of Virginia. I haven't really missed out on anything new.

    "El, it's only been two hours since you've got out and you're already zoning out on me." My dad chuckled. I shake my head, losing any remaining thoughts.

      "Sorry dad, i'm just-"

     "Sad? I can tell," he gives a light laugh, "c'mon I know you've never liked this state but it's better than being cooped up in those tiny rooms."

    "I just wish mom was... here. You know?" I rest my head against the window.

He sighs and rubs my back with his free hand.

" I do too El.. I do too" There's a moment of silence before my dad starts talking again. "Hey squirt you know that-"

"Dad I asked you to please stop calling me that. I think i grew out of that nickname when i turned 13."

"Never gonna happen squirt" my dad laughs as i roll my eyes, directing my attention back outside the window.

"Well.. After finding out your release date, I thought it would be better if you had a fresh start." His hands obviously shaking and sweaty out of nervousness."Fresh start means a new house."

     I really loved how my dad was trying. I do. Ever since the big accident happened and my mom wasn't really here for us, he's been trying to get me to see the brighter side of things. It would really help the fact that he's raising a teenage daughter by himself. But, I just can't. It's not the same without having my mom around anymore and I can't do anything to change that. It also didn't help that i pulled a stunt a little after the tragedy.

 "Dad, I really appreciate everything you're doing" I assure him.

"I just want things to go back to how they used to be.. as normal as they can be at least." He says, pulling up to the driveway of our apparently new home. It's not too far from our old one so I should be going to the same school. I look up at the house before me, letting out a breath before stepping inside.

-

"New house, huh? Is it big?" Jenna squealed. She can be overly happy most of the time but you gotta love her.

"Yeah.. I guess?" I laugh, shaking my head. Jenna had been my best friend since 1st grade and we've been close ever since. 

"Big enough to have a party to start off the new school year?" I can picture her smiling widely on the phone. I chuckle and shake my head. I turn on my laptop and play some music. Jesus of Suburbia by Green Day starts and I get back to Jenna.

"Yeah if you want to host a party in house piled with boxes everywhere,"

"Fine," she says, exaggerating the word fine, "my place it is." There's a quick muffled sound at her end until another voice starts talking.

"Elissa! Hey!" I recognized the male voice. Calum. He's my other best friend. Us three have been inseparable over the years.

"Hey Cal," I couldn't help but smile widely. He's always cheerful and always up to talk about anything. He reminds me of a cute puppy.

"CALUM!" I hear Jenna. I bite my lip to keep from laughing. I really missed them.

"Jesus, I ask him to hold my phone for one second," she says. I open up one of the boxes and start to unpack books onto my shelf.

"I've been meaning to ask you.. How are you? Really,"

I bit my bottom lip.

"I'm alright,"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit answer," she scoffs. I roll my eyes and fiddle with a picture of my mom in my hands. I blink away a few tears pricking behind my eyes.

"I'm not lying," I laugh lightly. Jenna sighs and whispers something to who I think is Calum that i couldn't quite make out.

" Okay," she breathes into the speaker, "well, I'm gonna start getting things for the party. It's gonna be tomorrow night."

"alright"

"Hey, Elissa?"

"yep?" I say, leaving my thumb on the end call button.

"we're really glad you're back.. we missed you lots." I hear her mumble. My lips form tiny grin.

"Yeah, me too," I look down, ending the call.

     I throw my phone on the bed and look through the small shoe box of photographs sitting on top of the dresser. My lips press into a thin line as I see pictures of my family from just a year ago. Before my little meltdown and trip to the psychiatric ward. Before all the medication and stops at my psychiatrist. When I was just like any normal kid. Before anything ever happened. I look at the most recent photo of my mom and me. She was ready to go to her big press conference at work. That day was supposed to change our family's lives. For the better. Her hair was up in a gelled bun and her arm wrapped around my shoulders. I traced my smile with my finger, knowing that the same bright smile would probably never show up ever again.