venomous // loona

three

Hyejoo had no clue where she was going. She felt hopeless, absolutely hopeless as her feet dragged along the pavement with little energy left. She couldn't sleep, could barely close her eyes for more than a second because of the intrusive thoughts in her head. Her eyes were red from tiring them out by crying so much, throat coarse and burning. Turning back seemed like an option she should have taken a long time ago.

But no, she wasn't going to turn back and she wasn't going to sleep and she wasn't going to do fucking anything knowing her sister is in danger. Her mind wasn't working right, so blurry and pixelated, thinking of everything yet nothing at once. What the fuck was she even feeling right now? Everything felt somewhat odd, her skin crawling in disgusting ways.

Okay, maybe she needed sleep. Badly.

Whining, she almost immediately dropped herself to the ground, losing the battle to her mind that told her to keep going. She laid on the grass of a field that she doesn't think she's ever seen before. The cars zooming past each other could be heard in the distance, as Hyejoo so desperately tried to fall asleep.

Sleep, you idiot. She closed her eyes tighter, eyebrows furrowing in concentration.

But what if you don't find Yeojin?

"Fucking stop." She hit her forehead for the obsessive thinking, but as she laid there, doing absolutely nothing to find her sister, a sick twinge of guilt and fear struck her stomach. Growling angrily, she sat up again, clutching the strands of hair at her scalp.

"Fuck!" She yelled, eyes stinging so fucking badly. Her body curled in on itself as emotions took over her, something unidentifiable running through her veins and telling her to turn back. You're nothing without Chaewon anyway.

"No.. No, that's a lie," she muttered to herself as she responded to her thoughts, the air feeling like it was getting thinner. Suddenly, as if on instinct, she jolted up to her feet and ran, ran as fast and as far as she could from whatever that disgusting feeling in her stomach was. She didn't need Chaewon. She didn't. She fucking didn't, she knows it. Not in a million years would she ever need Chaewon.

Her body was tired but her feet felt alive, slamming harshly against the ground with each viscous sprint forward. All she could hear was the brutal wind she was creating from her speed, causing her eyes to swell.

She didn't know where the fuck she was going. That's the only thing she knew anymore, that she didn't know anything. Because at this point, she barely even knew how to breathe properly. Barely knew how to escape her thoughts, how to chase epiphany until it sadistically warped into a twisted fate of reality. She wanted to feel anything right now, anything other than the gut feeling that made her want to throw her insides up until nothing but her aching heart remained. Her aching heart that held guilt so dearly, her aching heart that prioritized everyone else over herself.

She never knew what was right for herself. Never knew what she wanted or how to make herself happy. Because her entire life, all she was ever met with was discipline and a happily ever after that never came to be. Jesus, fuck, all Hyejoo was, was a disappointment. How the fuck could she just lose her sister so easily? How could she let her slip out of her hands just like that, without a single word? What if she really is dead? Would it be Hyejoo's fault? She should have protected her, she knew it. She knew something bigger was happening when Yeojin hid all those nights, never explaining an actual reason as to why she did so. It was her fault. It was her fucking fault.

Her fault her family didn't love her the way she wanted them to. Her fault Yeojin was always closed off with her. Her fault that the most important person in her life left her. Her fault the most important person in her life fucking hates her.