Back In Time

Chapter 3- Madness

-Ruelle, Ruelle- someone whispers in the middle of the night. Ruelle turns her head and sees Jayden at the window.
-Jayden?- she gets up and immediately opens the window- Oh my god what are you doing here? Are you crazy? My parents are going to kill you...
-May I come in? It's freezing out here- he shivers ignoring her questions.
—Yeah... yeah- she allows him to get in.
-I missed you, so I had to come here to see you- he approaches her smiling.
-It's only been a couple hours since we've seen each other. You're going to get in trouble if my parents come check on me- she shuts the door.
-I'm sorry but I had to come- he holds her face, caresses her warm skin and gently he pulls her into a hug- I love you don't you forget that...
-I love you too- she closes her eyes as they both approach for a kiss,but as she opens her eyes there's blood coming out of Jayden's mouth and in hurtful moanings he tries to say her name, fails and collapses on the floor. In screams and covering her eyes Ruelle moves to a corner of her room. Unsettled she wakes up, dripping sweat and breathing heavily. She reaches for the lamp and turns the light on.
Since she came back she's been having horrific nightmares. Sometimes about Jayden, others of herself. Sometimes things she can't explain. All she knows for sure is that a week has passed, and each day the headache and nightmares get worse. Since her return, local reporters have been following her everywhere she goes, asking questions which she has no answer to. Everytime she goes out in public her panic attacks intensify. She hasn't seen Audrey since Jayden's funeral. She never came to visit her which is weird considering they're best friends or at least were.
It almost feels like she's by herself even when accompanied by her family. Part of her is still missing; She can sense she's not the same, and the only question is: what is missing?
In the morning, Jesse gets up and leaves for school, Joe goes to work and Magda stays home babysitting Ruelle. They sit together and watch tv all day. Every time Ruelle goes somewhere Magda follows her like a shadow. Part of Ruelle understands why, but the other part just wants to be treated the same way as prior. Sometimes in the middle of the night Ruelle goes to the bathroom, turns on the cold water and sits on the bathtub. Often she dips her body in the water, and holds her breath. She feels her heartbeat acelerating, and her lungs beg for air, then she gets scared and emerges again. Being afraid of something else other than reality helps her clarify her mind a little or to numb some of her thoughts. After a while she curls into a ball while the water still pours,and soon tears start to roll down her face as she feels hopeless. Whenever she feels better she goes back to her room,changes her clothes, lays on her bed and looks at the ceiling, for what feels like eternity,until her eyes become heavy enough to stay closed.

-Ruelle do you want pancakes or waffles? Or would you like a slice of your favorite cake?- Joe says giggling while Magda is preparing the plates and Jesse is sitting at the table. Ruelle lifts her shoulders and the humor on everyone's face disappears. Ruelle looks emotionless to the empty plate.
-Excuse me- She gets up and rushes upstairs.
-Ruel...- Magda tries to go after her but Jesse grabs her wrist and shakes her head.
-Give her some space Mom.
-How much longer do we need to give her some space Jesse? Everyday is the same thing... She's not herself. She's not...
-Honey...- Joe pets her shoulder, but Magda shrugs, grabs her purse, and leaves the house.
In complete silence Jesse and Joe look at one another. Then they both leave the house. By herself in her room Ruelle sits by the window looking at everyone leaving. Her fingers tangled on one another. She runs to her closet, grabs a pinkish box, opens it and pulls out her old diary.

-Why don't you write on your diary?- Audrey asks going through the empty pages.
-My life is not interesting Audrey. What am I going to write? That we went shopping or that we ate noodles for lunch?
-No you fool, you write what you feel. You write how frustrated or content you feel each day.
-You don't have a diary... Do you?
-Obviously I do. Everyone has one even if it's on the notes of his or her phone.
-What do you write about?
-I can't tell you... because it's a secret. But you should totally write on yours.
-Maybe tomorrow... I want to enjoy our time together.
-Uh true, tomorrow you have your little date with Jayden- she starts to imitate a kiss.
-Seriously?- Ruelle throws a pillow at Audrey's face.
-Yeah, I mean you guys have known each other since second grade. How long will it take for you to make it official?
-I don't know...the right time.
-There's no right time Ruelle.
-Okay, let's stop talking about him.
-Finally...- Audrey sighs.