Missing Pieces

State of Grace

The second the train stops, I sprint through the house door. I take the stairs two at a time, finally collapsing onto my bed. I strip out of the awful dress. I slip on a white sports bra and matching running shorts, zipping my water-resistant running jacket up. I am lacing my shoes when I hear my mom climbing the stairs. I pull my comforter over my body.

"Would you like to have some celebration pie with us?" My mother beams.

"No, I actually don't feel great," I force a cough.

"Oh no! Do you need anything, Sweetheart?" She rushes to my side and places her hand against my forehead.

"Just some rest," I stretch my arms out.

"Alright, if you need anything, feel free to shout." She forces a smile and shuts my bedroom door.

When I hear her join the girls I quietly move to my window. Rather than ditching my wireless, I decide to leave it in place. It should be used to me running at night. After all, we don't necessarily have a rule against it. I push the glass open and close it, leaving a centimeter or so. I slide down the slanted roof and lower myself off the edge. Before building up the courage to drop, I feel Damon's hands rub my leg.

"I'll catch you," he offers his arms. I drop.

"Thank you." His grip tightens as he puts me on my feet. He pulls my chin to his.

"I think we should go before someone comes," I pull away and bolt into the forest.

My legs seem to understand my state of mind more than I do. They carry me through the twists of the uneven forest floor. I run passed our normal field. I continue deeper into the woods, several miles from home. I can hear Damon panting behind me, yet he keeps up. Every now and then I hear the snap of a twig or the scurrying feet of an animal. All around me crickets delicately play their well known notes. The air gets thinner and more humid as I sprint up the steep trail.

I run until my legs can no longer push farther. I collapse against a tree. My tattoo electrocuted in red; it pulsed as sweat trickled over its swirled patterns. My head spun, and I found it harder to breathe each passing moment. Reluctantly I gagged, spewing my dinner onto the dirt path.

"Shit Brit, you shouldn't have pushed yourself so hard," Damon began rubbing my back.

"Just stop okay?" The words slip out of my mouth with tears as I bat away his hands.

"What's wrong?" He backed up defensively.

"What happened earlier?" I couldn't stop thinking about it. I can't remember. I don't know why.

"I keep combing through the day's events, and the last thing I recall happens to be you and I in my room. What happened, Damon?" I command, pushing back tears.

"Nothing! We started to kiss, and you passed out! I didn't know what to do. I sat with you until I heard your sister." He looked genuine. He looked sorry; he might have even looked hurt.

"You promise?" I choke.

"One hundred percent," he lifted his hands, palms up.

"I'm so sorry. I just feel so emotional. My wrist pounds. My head aches. My heart wrenches," another trail of vomit escapes my mouth.

"Maybe you're sick?" He resumes to rubbing my back.

"I doubt it," I settle on the ground, leaning on the tree.

"What's going to happen?"

"What do you mean?" I look into his eyes.

"When you meet your match, what's going to happen?" His brow furrows.

"Well, I'll meet him. I'll do the protocol with him. I'll receive my career. We'll marry through the system. House. Kids. Death." I list.

His eyes watered. He took in a long, slow breath and exhaled.

"You'll find yours. She'll be lovely," I reassure.

"But what about us?" He let his arm rest upon my bare thigh.

"We aren't there yet," I sigh.

"I just can't imagine a future you aren't in." His face muscles tighten.

"Hopefully you won't have to," a single tear rolled down my face.

He reached for my arms and pulled me down with him. We both lie on our sides, facing one another. He set his right palm against my face . I struggle to upturn the corners of my mouth. Damon kissed away the droplet exiting my eye. His lips traveled toward my mouth. We kissed. Up above a roll of thunder erupted the clouds, releasing billions of rain drops. Instead of finding cover, we stayed in place.

Damon wrapped his right arm around my back, letting me rest my cheek on his other bent arm. We let the rain wash the miserable alternatives away. His kiss flooded my veins. I no longer worried about matches or careers. I lived. I lingered in that moment until the rain turned into a downpour. I relished in his arms until the rain began to falter.

"Maybe we should head back?" He tucked a loose curl behind my ear.

"Probably," I pushed myself into a seated position.

He hopped up and reached for my outstretched arm, pulling me to my feet. We walked hand-in-hand, slowly as possible down the mountain. The sun barely peaked over the adjacent horizon. The sky frosted itself with pinks and oranges. Dew clung to the small patches of grass in each yard. We'll be lucky to get an hour of sleep. The train would arrive in two hours. My family would be waking shortly.

"I'll see you in an hour," Damon squeezed my arm.

"See you then," I stretched onto my toes and let my lips flutter against his cheek.

I pranced to the brick siding and ascended the wall. The window, thankfully, still open easily maneuvered to allow me to slither inside. Before closing the pane, I watched as Damon shuffled to his house. He pressed his fingers to the scanner and waltzed through the door. Lightly, I locked the window. I crawled into my bed and smiled as I drifted off.