Pretend || {Dr.Strange x Reader}

Pretend

It has been four months since it had happened. Four months since the defeat of Thanos, and from those four months you haven't been the same.

Once you came back to earth with Peter, Stephen, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Rhodes, and even the guardians, it had felt so.. empty like.. something was missing.

..Tony and Steve were missing. Tony was gone because of you. If you hadn't just force him out of the planet he wouldn't have to sacrifice himself, he would still be here. And you wouldn't of have all this guilt of disappointment.

Steve had jumped in front of Natasha from flying broken poles when one of them had struck him. Natasha did her best to stop the bleeding along with Stephens help but it wasn't enough, Steve had passed away on the ride back to earth.

Both losses had broken something inside of you for the first month. You wouldn't eat, talk to anyone, nor sleep.. until Stephen made you go to sleep with a spell he had put you on. You couldn't sleep due to all the nightmares you would have, they were mostly always about leaving Tony, and seeing Rogers eyes slowly shutting.

The nightmare that always makes you want to stay awake for the rest of the night would be Tony's. It would start the same.. seeing him on the floor, trying to get him on his feet to head back to the portal Stephen had created. Wherever the fight was, the whole planet was about to vaporize and you didn't have time to drag Tony to the portal because he had told you to leave him.

**
"I'm the only one who can kill him.. you have to leave me Y/N," Tony says as he looks at your wet eyes,

"No... I'm not leaving you," You say as you try to grab him, but he shrugs you off,

"Take care of them Y/N...," Tony says and does a weird movement with his hands which sends you flying towards the portal,

"No!.. Tony!,"

**
You gasp as you wake up from the same nightmare you've been having for four months. You were sweating and panting heavily, as well as crying.

This was basically all the time. It would get so annoying but nothing would seem to help you out. Sleeping pills wouldn't work, drinking till you blackout would sometimes work but you would only do it if you couldn't take the pain anymore.

You had PTSD and you knew it, but you wouldn't go to a doctor for help. No one knew, not even Stephen knew.

How didn't they know? Easy.. just pretend your okay and act like you aren't dying inside. When they would ask you how are you doing, you would smile and tell them you we're fine. 'Better than before,' you would say,

Every once and a while when you were about to have an anxiety attack you would calmly excuse yourself from the conversation and head somewhere no one can hear or see you and just let it happen. Up until Stephen followed you when he saw how pale you got and saw how you were sweating.

Ever since that day he never kept his distance from you, would always be there by your side, and just really be there for you and Peter. That's all he knew you had, well that's what you think.

Once you told him you would get anxiety every once an a while and convinced him that was it temporarily, he nodded his head and let the topic go. But it wasn't temporary, it has been four months and you still get horrible anxiety attacks.

You were still in bed looking at your ceiling with a blank expression. You turned your head to look at the clock and saw that it was five in the morning, you sighed as you knew you weren't going back to sleep.

You got up and sat on your bed before stretching and hearing all your bones crack, just like how your brain is probably getting. You felt a weight on your feet and saw it was your German Shepherds head that was leaning on your legs.