Desperation

Chapter Five: Is This Love?

  I didn't know how to take what he just said. "Oh, so I'm cute?" I asked. "Kinda." He shrugged. This big bastard just complimented me, I think. I looked at him. "Kinda?" I asked. He changed the subject. "So, did you ever go to school before?" He asked. I shook my head. "I would offer to show you where I spent all my time but we are under house arrest." Chris cleared her throat. She was standing in the doorway. "How long have you been standing there?" I asked. "Long enough. You can sneak out, I'll keep John occupied with my teenage girl questions." She cringed at herself for saying that.
   "You're seventeen. You should be past the teenage girl questions." I pointed out. "I'll play stupid. I'll say my mama never told me. She didn't half the time and I figured it out alone." I smiled at her. "Okay. So what about crazy killer guy?" I asked. "Oh you'll be fine. You're not running out into the woods, you'll be fine." I nodded. "Thanks, Chris!" I said, leaping up. Me and Zach climbed out of my window, managing to leap to the ground without hurting ourselves drastically. I took off running and leapt over the gates again to avoid John seeing me out the window, and Zach did the same. We both kept running, I wasn't nearly as fast as Zach.
   He was an athlete after all. So my scrawny self was no challenge for him. "Slow down or I can't show you!" I yelled. He quickly stopped and waited for me. I giggled and caught up, leading him to the junkyard. "So that right there was my house. I can take you in there after this, no one lives in it now. John told me they were planning on destroying it in a few months. But I never spent any time in there. So I'm gonna show you where I stayed first." I could tell that sentence raised a lot of questions in his mind, but he kept quiet. I led him to my Cadillac. "So this is where me and Warrior, my first dog, slept and spent most of our time." I explained.
   He nodded. "Why?" He asked. "Because I didn't want to sleep in the trailer. I didn't want to spend any time in it." He didn't ask anymore questions. He kept his space. "So I studied using old books that bid steal from the other cars. Most of the time that's all I did. When I wasn't studying, I was working on the cars. They all have names. This cadilacs name is Carla." He smiled. "Oh?" I nodded. "Yeah. And then my favorite to work on, Birtha." I climbed out of the car and led him deeper into the junkyard. "She's an old pickup. She was a little too far beyond my repair. So I couldn't do much, but I tried." We got to her and he was amazed. "So you worked on cars? You're a badass." "I got most of them working, too."
    He was in awe. Once I was done showing off that living space, I led him into the house. They'd locked it up so we had to sneak in. "This is the house. I never really lived here. Mom and  her boyfriends did." I explained.  "You wanna tell me why you didn't live in your own house?" He asked. I shrugged. "Do you really wanna know?" He nodded. I led him to the couch. "Right here. Three years ago right here, one of mom's boyfriends tried to rape me. His name was Jeb, he was arrested for domestic abuse. I told no one about what he did to me. Mom always called me a whore and a slut around her other boyfriends and I guess they spread the word, and that's why everyone says I had sex with Jeb. She blamed me for it. All of her boyfriends likes to touch me and flirt with me and stare. But Jeb was the only one to do anything." I gave him the whole story. Just being in this house made me feel a need to let the whole story out instead of holding it in for once. Not even John or Chris knew about the other boyfriends harassing me.
   So I don't know why I trusted Zach enough with that information. He looked at me. "God, I'm so sorry.." he said quietly. "So.. after that, after Jeb, I moved out to the junkyard. Warrior stayed with me after that." I led him to the bedroom. My mom died right there on the bed. I wasn't even sad about her death. She hit me. She hit me a lot. She screamed at me, and called me names. I don't think I loved her. I don't think she loved me. At one point she did." My voice broke as I spoke so I started picking at my hands again to keep from crying. "The night before her death Warrior died. That's what really hurt. Warrior was my best friend. Amara is just like she was but younger."
   Zach was staring aimlessly at the bed. "I have an idea. But the whole group has to come with us when we do it, it's gonna be special." He explained. "How about you burn the place down? They're gonna destroy it anyway. And it's unfair to you. You're the one who suffered the most here. It'll be like some kind of closure." I looked at him. "It helps me. When things hurt me I destroy them. Then it doesn't hurt as much." I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you.." I said softly. "It's no problem, Bailey." I smiled up at him and climbed out the window, him following close behind.
   We started walking home, this time walking a bit faster as it was getting dark, and we were getting concerned. We snuck back into the house, and Amara was in my room asleep at the door of my bed. I went and changed into a white t shirt and boxers again, and Zach sat on the bed. "You're so comfortable watching me change clothes. I'd almost say you liked it." I joked. He shrugged. "Maybe I do." I sat on the bed above Amara and she barely woke up. Poor baby was tired. "So you work at the vet's?" I asked. "Yeah. I started off as a volunteer and I worked my way up."
   "That's cool.. you like animals, then?" "Yep. I love them. I always wanted to work around them and here I am. I hope I don't get fired over not being there," He babbled. "You shouldn't. We're under house arrest. We can't go anywhere and your boss should understand that." "My boss is old as time itself. I don't think he'll even notice my absence. He's strange." "Dr. Strange." I joked. He snickered at me. "Nah. Not that cool." I don't remember it, but I must've passed out. I woke up the next morning cuddled up to him. He was asleep too, so I sat up gently but quickly and got dressed.
    I walked downstairs and met John. He looked tired. "You didn't sleep last night." I pointed out. "No. I was looking for the murderer. I can't even find any suspects." He complained. "John, you're never gonna find any if you're sleep deprived and can't think straight." I told him. He smiled. "Don't underestimate the power of coffee. I've done this many times." "There's not been many murders." "Not in this town, no, but I didn't use to live here. You're not very open minded to thinking about the outside world, are you?" He asked. I shook my head, sitting across the table from him. "So you and Michael must have moved here together."
   He choked, like he was off guard when I asked. "Yeah. We did." "So you have a thing for him? You act like you do." I pointed out. I knew he was gonna argue. To my surprise, he didn't. "Yeah, I guess I do.." he said quietly. "But he doesn't feel the same. I've known him for thirty years." "You're blind. He does. But he won't show it." "And why wouldn't he? He knows me well enough to know I wouldn't reject him, or be mean-" "you had a wife, and a kid." He raised a brow. "Don't play dumb. He knew ya had a wife so he probably just thinks you're straight. I mean I'd think the same thing."
   "Why do you know so much about this?" "I'm a teenage gay boy. I know Shit. And you're the one taking advice from me." "Excuse me. What? I thought you was with Chris," "I knew you thought that." I laughed. "She's more like a sister to me. The big sister I never had. But no. I've never had feelings for a girl. But I do for a guy." "Is that so?" "Sure is. But you'll just have to figure that out on your own. Maybe I'll tell you when you get with Michael. It's gonna happen." I got up, stretching. "I'm gonna walk Amara." I went upstairs and got her, and took her outside. She had trouble walking, so I carried her most of the way. She was heavy, so I struggled a bit, but she was my baby. So I didn't mind.
I had an uneasy feeling, like I was being watched. I looked around nervously and saw no one, so I chalked it up to being paranoia. It was normal to have paranoia, I mean, there was a serial killer out to get me and my friends, who are now all staying in one big building together. If the killer found a way in, it was like jackpot. Amara must've gotten this feeling too, because she started growling and stayed close to me. She didn't run off or attack anything, probably because her leg. I lifted her up and just took her back inside.
   I looked for John but I didn't see him anywhere. He may have been in his office. Usually, I never went in there. But I needed that feeling of conformity now, I don't know, I just didn't feel safe without knowing he was there. I wandered to his office and opened the door. I saw the glass board with the dry erase marker writing all over it. I didn't see John, though. I'd figured I'd just go see if he left a note. But my curiosity got the best of me, and I walked over to the board to read it. It was about this case. He had written a list of suspects. There was a few names I recognized from this town. He crossed out a few of them, I'm assuming they were either dead, already in prison, or he ruled them out. The rest of the writing was of evidence. The way he wrote sounded like he was talking to himself, the way you babble in your mind or out loud sometimes, just trying to think of whatever. I felt a hand tap my shoulder and I collapsed instantly from fear, and looked up at whoever touched me. "It's just me, idiot." It was Chris. "You scared me." I mumbled. She went to look at the board and I got up and blocked her view. "So what did you need me for?" I asked.
   "Amara has an accident, I was gonna ask you to clean it up. Why didn't you take her out this morning?" "I did. I just got kind of paranoid so I didn't give her time." She followed me out and I went to clean it up. "How'd your date with Zach go yesterday?" She teasingly asked. "It wasn't a date. We just talked." "Come on. It was romantic. Y'all snuck out of house arrest and he got to see your personal life." I shrugged. "He proposed the most romantic idea I've ever heard." "What's that?" "We burn mom's trailer to the ground. Me, you, him, and Mel."
   Her eyes lit up. "You are daring that boy. I'll make it happen if it's the last thing I do." Chaos and violence are Chris's favorite thing, other than tech. She was kind of a gothic tech lord. She wasn't happy if she couldn't be online. Not a basic bitch, though. "You say that because he wants to maybe burn something down. You'd say that if he prompted hunting for the killer, too." "That's not a bad idea!" "He's out to get us, Chris. If we hunted for him then we'd literally be making his life easier." I started searching for a note or anything. "What are you looking for?" Chris asked. "John's gone and I wanna know where he went." "To work, maybe? You forget he's a detective and there's a huge investigation going on. Two murders in one week in a small isolated town where nothing ever happens."
   I rolled my eyes. Zach joined us. "What are we talking about?" He asked. "Debating on whether or not to hunt down the killer!" Chris spouted. Me and Zach both gave her a look and went "No." at the same time, as if we planned it. We looked at each other and he gave me a weird look that I didn't understand, I'd seen Michael give it to John a few times but when he looked at me like that I forgot what it meant. I looked away quickly, back at Chris. She was giggling.
   "Where's Mel?" She asked after a moment. "Still asleep. He can sleep until three in the afternoon. But you never wake him up." Zach warned. "Why not?" Chris asked. "Have you ever tried to wake up a two year old? They throw tantrums like none other and there is no calming them down." "Oh. Okay. I understand." She shrugged. "Well, we don't have to go to school, no work, nothing. What do they expect us to do?" "I have no idea." I grunted, pulling myself up onto the counter. Amara started barking and I jumped to the high heavens.
   Zach looked confused and looked at her. She was barking at the door. Of course. I got up and walked to her, Chris following close behind. I looked out the window. The window on the front door was one of those really thick glasses so you could see the outline of a person but you couldn't see any details. "Is that John?" Chris asked, making her way to the door. I had a sharp stinging feeling in my head. That feeling you have when you're so angry you snap, and do things you're not suppose to. I grabbed my head with my free hand, as the other was holding Amara. "Don't!" I ordered, a bit louder than expected.
   She stopped. "It could be John, or Michael." She said, her hand on the lock. The door was locked, of course. All entries to the house were locked. "Don't open it. Don't unlock it. Back away." I ordered. My voice didn't sound like my own. It was demanding and bold. Chris was surprised by that and did as told. Hell, I was surprised by it. I didn't recognize myself. Something about this didn't feel right. The outline was too big to be John, but too thin to be Michael. And if it was either of them, they would have knocked.
   Amara snarled and barked angrily. The way she barked when the hooded man attacked us in the woods. That was it. I let her go and ran upstairs to John's bedroom. His room's window had a full view of the front door the way the room was angled. I looked outside and it was a man, his face was hidden by a hood. He was wearing a blue hoodie. He seemed eerily familiar. I heard Zach scream "I'm calling the cops, we have a gun!" And the man backed away from the door, running into the woods surrounding the house.
   I ran downstairs to where they were in a panicked state. "It was him. That was the guy who attacked us." I explained. "The killer." Chris corrected. Zach watched the door. "He ran into the woods when you yelled at him." I explained. "He knows where we are." I shook my head. "There's no way he knew all of us are here. Only our parents know." Zach thought out loud. "He wouldn't come knocking on the detective's door unless he knew we were in here." Chris argued. "If he's someone from this town he'd know the detective adopted Bailey." My heart sank. "He's after me. But now he knows you're here." Zach's expression twisted into one of hatred and anger. "I'll kill him if he comes anywhere near you."
He wrapped his arms around me protectively and held me close. "I love you." He said. I looked up at him. "I'm not just saying that." He said quietly. We spent the rest of the day trying to rule out who the guy was. Looking for clues. "Why would anyone be after you?" Chris asked. By now, Melvin was awake. He was with us in John's office, playing with a marker. "Cause he's pertty!" He said. He sounded like a toddler. Zach pointed at him. "Damn right He is." Chris rolled her eyes. "Stop with your gay shit!" She ordered. Zach threw his hands up in surrender. "Okay, Okay." He said. I laughed. Somehow, being with them helped ease my mind off of it.
"Maybe his mom. She was the drug lord. They may be like everyone else in this town and think he's a drug lord too." Zach pointed at the board. "Eric's a drug addict, So is Hudson." "They're both twigs though. The person in the window wasn't a twig." I said. "He was wearing a hoodie. You saw it from the window. Sometimes hoodies can add false bulk." Chris prompted. Okay, this was kind of comedic. A group of teenagers trying to solve a murder mystery. It was like an episode of Scooby Doo.