WORLDS APART

chapter one

It all started during my year one, when I was just a fresher in one of the state's university and as at that time my parents were experiencing some financial difficulties and i had only been able to pay for my acceptance fee and school fees.
During my first week in the school... I slept in the bunks bed of the female hostels which were yet to be occupied by their owners...
In the mornings , I would wake up as early as 5am, say my morning prayers, greet the occupants of the room, borrow a bucket from one of the roommates and then head off straight to the bathroom. After having my bath, I would go to a nearly Bush with my tissue paper and defecate there then come back to the hostel to pick my bag/luggage which included my slippers, few clothes and undies, credentials and some writing materials.
I would comb my long hair and style it in a bun, leave my face without make up then head off to class on an empty stomach. I got to class with my rumpled polo top and faded jeans.. And a totally worn out loafers, seated at the front row, with my writing materials in place, waiting and speculating on when the course lecturer would walk into the class.
There was a reason I always sat at the front row. This is due to the fact during the periods I attended jamb classes, I overhear student saying those that at seated at the row are the smartest, most brilliant and didn't care if they looked nice, all they wanted to do was learn.
Meanwhile the reason I always sat at the front was because I wanted to avoid the stares of wondering eyes, big girls in the class and i didn't want to be intimidated and the best way to do that my mind and the front row gave me that privileged. On this particular day, being the fifth day I started receiving lectures and being a Friday as well (thank Goodness!) , I was seated at the front row, with my bun hairstyle which I hadn't touched since the first day I started receiving lectures, looking directly into the eyes of the lecturer as he was busy explaining 'jargons' because I couldn't make sense of what he was saying to the class and to me in particular, as I was trying to focus my mind on the lecture Hall and scheming on how I was going to buy brunch (the time was past 12pm) and pay for my transport fare back to the hostel as I had just N150 left from the N3000 my parents gave me...
And finally my mind decided to dwell on the fact that I was very hungry and needed to eat something immediately because some minutes later, the words of the lecturer were hitting me like hard rock as I was starting to feel some kind of migraine. Ten minutes after the class ended and i exclaimed silently to myself
'thank God!
But I didn't know it was not as silent enough for the young man sitting next to me not to hear and then he said immediately
'guess you didn't enjoy this class just as I did not'
With a smile on his handsome face (mind you I didn't see him as handsome at that time because the hunger had blurred my vision and affect my reasoning to some extent).
Then I replied with
'yeah, you are right'
I wanted to say more, tell him the lecturer was good, that the class was interesting even if it was painfully long as I could see some students standing, with relief written all over them, but I could say no more because I was scared my head was going to burst open as I was still feeling the migraine and this time worse.
'... and i have been admiring you for some days now and I would really like to know you better because you seem to me like the kind of girl I would love to be friends with.. '
He has been talking and i wasn't listening but at least I heard some of the things he said.
Then I thought, oh well, why don't I just see this as an opportunity and then I told him I wanted to rush home and have lunch because I was hungry.
(yes I lied. My mother always taught me to not appear helpless or desperate even when you are dying because 85% of those who are aware of your helplessness would take advantage of it) . Twenty minutes later we were in an eatery not too far from the campus. Yes, he had offered to buy me lunch and i had no other option but to accept it. I ordered for two wraps of eba and okra soup with four assorted meat. I could feel his gaze on me as I made the order but I simply did not care because I was more concerned with what I was going to eat that would still make me heavy to the next day.
Finally he asked why I had ordered for eba instead of rice like he did and I told him I had rice as breakfast and wanted something different (another lie).
When we were done eating, he offered to help me carry my big handbag as we walked and asked why It was so heavy.. I simply told him I had lots of shoes in it that are for sale when he asked to see them I told him that would be later because we were walking on the road..
'Tomorrow is Saturday, would you like to come spend the weekend at my place because most of the times I'm bored since I live alone' he said.
And i thought aloud,
'if this guy thinks I'm cheap because he bought me lunch then his mind must be really playing tricks on him'
I politely turned him down with excuses ranging from fellowship, rehearsals, group study etc.. and he believed or so i thought.
I could still recall I had just N150 left with me and I needed to get to the hostel with N100 as shuttle fare, which means I would have N50 left with me and I felt like crying but the food I had consumed wouldn't let me, I was so full my emotions were altered. Errmm since we met, you never asked for my name and i don't know your name' I said to him
'well my name is Andy and i guess your's is Rose because I saw Rose scribbled on the front cover of your notebook while we were in class' he smiled at me sheepishly.
'Errmm pls can you do me a favour... ', I said in the most subtle way I could.
'.. I forgot to make a cash withdrawal at the bank and it's past 4pm. I don't use an automated teller machine card too'. This time I wasn't looking at him directly neither was I looking down (my mother had taught me never to put your gaze down while you ask for something because it makes you appear hopeless) I was looking past him.
'ok... So you want me to help you with some money? ' he asked.
I nodded in affirmative.
'well' ... He continued '... I don't really have much on me though.. I think I have just..'
I could see that he had N500 note, N100 note and N50 note in his wallet.
Of course, I wasn't greedy as to think he would give me N500 from the N650 he had in his wallet or if he was going to use the atm because I needed some money from him after all we had only just met.
While he was contemplating hard, I kept my cool, shoulders high with an optimistic mind to go with.
To cut the long story short, sweet Andy gave me N500 and i quickly took the shuttle to the school hostel, and had the greatest shock of my life. I got to the hostel and found out that the owner of the bed space I had been occupying for almost a week was back. The girl I guessed was the owner was arranging some of her things, from provisions to foodstuffs, neatly arranged in the locker, clothes, and some other personal effects you always see with Big girls. Then I had a look at the mattress I had been sleeping in and notice that there was a beautiful bedsheet with a mickey mouse design on it and a pillow case was visible as well..
Just then it occurred to me that the wrapper I usually use to cover up myself when the night was cold was nowhere to be found and with some annoying relief I found it under the bunk and i was mad but I kept my cool..
Another girl was on the side of the mattress laughing hysterically and none of them were aware of my presence.
As I was still accessing my environment, with my big handbag hung over my left shoulder, i heard
'hey girl, please I'm just resuming for the semester and i have not fully settled to start spending money... And by the way what do you have for sale? ' the supposed owner of the bed space asked.
' come and show us now' her friend, I guessed, added.
By this time the other girls whom I was sharing the room with were not back but I later noticed that one of them was around and she was busy preparing something.. Indomie or so and then she turned around and saw me and immediately for the first time I knew what she was about to say. 'Tracy.. This is errmmm forgotten her name self, the girl i told you about, the one that has been securing your bed space'
I didn't know what she meant by SECURING YOUR BED SPACE, but I cared less. SECURE wasn't such a bad word.
This time Tracy's countenance had changed from a welcoming lady to a defensive one.
'sorry oh, I'm fully back and I have no intention of travelling till the end of the semester and thanks for securing my bed space anyways'.
This time, Tracy was assessing me from my head to my feet and i suddenly became conscious of my hair which was unkempt because my buns was hanging loose, and my shirt which is still very much rumpled thanks to the satin material.. and Oh My God! my shoes! I thought aloud. My loafers shoes had been ridden with dust, while I was walking down the road with Andy after we left the eatery.
While Tracy was still assessing me, I recalled saying something like... 'No problem.. I will return back to my off-campus room which I share with a friend. I usually come here to sleep because my friend is not around, she travelled and is coming back next week and I hate sleeping alone'
I didn't care if they believed or not, I just needed to say something instead of staring like a dumbfounded Fool. In five minutes, I was able to assess Tracy and her friend entirely. Tracy was such a beautiful girl, dark skinned, with dimples on the cheek bones. While she was seated I could tell she was tall, by the length of her arm and legs...
She had these white eyes, white teeth, and her hair... Oh she was wearing a hair net but I guessed it looked good too. Her dress, oh my God! Was so beautiful. I can't remember the colour though but I will never forget the fact that it was really beautiful.
Then her friend, she was another beauty to behold, dark skinned with a pointed nose and a smiling face. Her pair of sandals were to die for. Everything about these girls was screaming beauty and grace.
"POVERTY IS A BASTARD" I almost cried out and then I remembered Andy had asked me to come spend the weekend with him which I politely turned down.. 'let me use this as an opportunity' I thought aloud.
I told the girls I was leaving and was about to dial Andy's number when I remembered that we never exchanged mobile phone numbers to start with.
"I AM FINISHED I SCREAMED INSIDE OF ME"
and then I felt hope, pride, strength and blood draining out of me. My head was hanging loose facing downwards, though felt very heavy.. I could tell that my eyes were blazing red and watery, my feet heavy and my whole body felt like it belonged to someone else. By a quarter to six, I was out of the hostel, out of the road, walking to God knows where.
My eyes had been filled with hot steamy tears ready to fall down like rain. I was walking and wondering, simultaneously lifting up my head so the tears would fall back into my eye sockets. It just wouldn't be contained as I felt hot tears on my cheeks and i continued walking.
I was not a fan of glasses but I wished I had a pair, with shade to be precise, a very dark shade to be more precise so I could cry all I wanted with no one noticing and then I kept my face down.
It seemed like all the emotions that had been building up which I had been suppressing all these days were back for a revenge mission for I could feel them with a force and determination to tear me apart. And then hot tears came pouring down like rain, more tears were building up and I left my face permanently down.
I wished I had a handkerchief so I could whip the tears off my face because my cheeks were noticeably damp. In all these, I could not cry out because I was scared someone would hear me. I just could not let that happen as I continued walking with the little bit of pride I had inside of me.
My whole body was shaking, my mind in turmoil as I called silently to God.
I was trying to understand why I was going through all these. The weight of my bag was telling on me as my left shoulder was sore and i needed to transfer the bag to my right shoulder even if it felt uncomfortable although it was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside of me.
My heart felt like there was a big hole in it, my left hand was limp, my whole body was weak and legs were visibly heavy as I realized it took me three seconds to take a step forward.
I noticed from afar with my teary eyes an uncompleted building sitting on a deserted environment.
I could see that some guys, they were four in numbers I guessed hanging at the front and smoking. On a normal day, I wouldn't dare go close to the building but everything that had to do with fear was far from me and the only thing on my mind was survival, I was inside the uncompleted building but I went in through the back entrance, dropped my bag on the floor, sat on the bag, my elbows placed on my knees, face on my palms and cried uncontrollably, cried like never before, cried like there was no tomorrow and I cried like I didn't care if I died crying.
Just when I had finished crying but still whispering like a child, I heard a broken voice behind me.
'woman, wetin happen.. Person thief your money? '
I didn't flinch a muscles and i was grateful that my reflexes aligned with my thoughts then I pretended I never heard the voice.
This time I could hear the voice in front of me
' hey! You dey hear me? '
There was no pretending because the voice was so big and i had Goosebumps all over my arms
Then I lifted my face to see a short but tough looking man on shorts and singlet who should be in his thirties and i was just staring up at him blankly because I wasn't in the right state of mind to start explaining.
After about five minutes of silence, I finally broke the silence and said
'nothing sir '
This time he came closer, really close enough for me to see the pores on his face and i was terrified.
With a strong stench of marijuana, he spoke into my face
'Why damsel like you dey cry? '
I could not hide the fact that the smell of the marijuana was unpleasant to me and I quickly answered
' menstrual pain sir'
'menstrual pain... Shey na that una woman matter' he asked.
I nodded in affirmative.
'Why you no go house. You come here dey cry. Shey this place resemble your house? ' this time he was looking at my shoes, oh God my shoes again.
I quickly told him my roommate had travelled before I got back from class and that my keys to the doors had fallen off my bag and that I only came here to see if I could find it here because I took this route to class this morning before the menstrual pain started which prompted me to come inside the building to chill for a while because the pain became terrible. I also told him it wasn't possible to break the lock because it was an iron door (another lie)
'Okay.. Sorry ooo ' and he left me staring after him and thinking of what I had just said.
' So he left without saying anything other than sorry '
I said to myself. ' This is why I don't like confiding in people or telling them about my problems because many want to know just to satisfy their curiosity and not because they cared or they are concerned.
But I was proven wrong on this one The marijuana guy was back and this time he came with another guy pointing a touch at me.
This other guy from what I could see, was young, in his early twenties I guessed, with good looks but not to be compared to Andy's, well I couldn't tell much. He was taller, far taller than the marijuana guy, or was it that the marijuana guy was so short which made the other guy appear taller? But I wasn't in the mood for statistics then moreover i couldn't see clearly.
Both guys came closer to me and at this point I was thinking really hard on what my next move would be.
Now the time was past seven, almost eight, everywhere was dark outside the building and it dawned on me that I was alone in a deserted area, in an uncompleted building with two guys, strangers to be precise and i feared the worse.
'xup with you ' the seconded guy asked
' my boss just told me what happened to you.... Instead of sitting here all night why don't you come with me to my house' he said with a smirk on his face.
At this point I was unsure of what reply to give but I knew definitely that sleeping in the uncompleted building was out of question.
'Your house? ' I asked, studying him with everything in me, and wishing I had the power to know what was on his mind.
' yes my place... You have nothing to worry about. I have two rooms; you can occupy one of the rooms for now because my brother who lives with me is out of town and not coming back anytime soon. By the way I'm Anthony'. He said.
'Okay' I replied and hoped the story about my menstrual pain paid off Anthony and i both got his place..
It seemed Anthony was a better liar than I was. The two bedroom apartment he told me about was actually a room divided into two with curtains.
There were some guys and girls sprawled on the rug watching TV. Anthony parted the curtains and ushered me inside his supposed second room which had a mattress, at the middle of the room which was as flat as a pancake, old and worn out.
This supposed room had nothing except for the mattress and a hanger by the left with piles of clothes and shoes underneath. A portable gas cylinder with a pot on it was visible at the other side of the room directly opposite the hanger on the wall. My eyes ransacked the room for some other items but all I could lay my eyes on were some litters of paper all about the room.
'wait! Wait! Is this a joke or something? I thought and turned back abruptly to see if Anthony was laughing or if he had that smirk on his face, but I was disappointed yet relieved to see that his face was plain, no emotions on the eyes though he looked really tired.
'if you want to have your bath, the bathroom is outside, I will show it to you. I have a bar soap and a... '
' No thanks! I interrupted him in mid-sentence. ' I am very okay... all I need to do now is sleep. Thanks a lot for your kind gestures
' Okay' he shrugged and left me sitting on the mattress, legs spread apart, my left elbow on my thighs and my chin on my left palm, while my right hand fondled with the zips of my big handbag which was in front on me between my legs.
I was lost at what to do, I realized by this time(it was past nine) that I was very hungry. The eba and okra soup I had in the afternoon had burned off as energy which I already used up for walking and crying.
Of course, I wasn't going to tell Anthony that I was hungry, I would simply sleep I thought.
Two hours later and I was still trying to catch some sleep with my eyes tightly shut and hoping sleep would come my whole body was weak and felt broken and then the unimaginable happened Now I could hear voices in the room and I became alert, but I eyes remained close.
From the voices I could tell the first voice was a guy and other voice, that one sounded more like a mumble and I was sure the first voice wasn't Anthony's then i became confused. I was lying on my back and making an effort to keep my eyes closed but my ears remained open trying to pick up every tiny sound around me.
I was sweating, everywhere was hot, I could not wipe the sweat off my face because I was scared any movement I made would draw attention towards me.
'you didn't tell me someone was sleeping here' bellowed the second voice.
'It's a girl thank God' I thought.
'yes now.. Just come, don't wake her up now' the guy was saying to the girl.
'mtcheeww what nonsense is this, please let me go back to my room jor' I think she made to leave.
Then I heard a struggle, more struggle but I maintained my sleeping position and my ears had never been used more than the way it was used on that night.
'Baby why na.. Baby why? Don't do this to me. Haba the person is sleeping and you are complaining'
This was the guy begging. What made the guy so sure I was fast asleep even in the midst of struggles and bellows still remains a mystery to me. I could not comprehend why what was happening around me was happening or what both of them were doing in the room to start with until I heard
'Bola stop jor.. Your own is just to Bleep me abi' the girl exclaimed.