Black & White - A Harry Potter Fan Fiction

Chapter 9-6

That afternoon, Sirius locked himself in his mother's room with Buckbeak, took the sac with the dead mice, and started throwing them to the hippogriff, imagining it was Wormtail. It was all Peter's fault. He had been the coward who joined Voldemort's side. He had sold out Lily and James and framed him. He had destroyed all their lives to save his own insignificant hide. If he hadn't been such a coward, none of it would have happened. James and Lily would be alive, he would never have gone to prison, and he would be with Sara right now, probably married, possibly with children. He wouldn't be wondering if Sara had someone else in her life.

God.

He rubbed his face and raked his hair, already a mess. It hurt so much to even consider, yet he couldn't get it out of his head.

Maybe he was deluding himself. Perhaps they would have broken up and, even if everything had gone differently, he would be alone now, anyway.

He would never know. Brooding was useless.

The truth was, James could be right. Tonks had never said Sara had a relationship, but she hadn't said anything about her private life. And even if Sara wasn't married or officially engaged, that didn't mean she wasn't involved with someone.

Whoever he was, he wanted to punch him until he forgot his own name. And yet, he couldn't blame the man. Only a fool could avoid falling in love with Sara.

He threw another mouse, and Buckbeak caught it with a jolt of his head. Sirius put the sac away inside the wardrobe, among his mother's fur coats, and went to sit on the window seat. The cold windowpanes were nicely cool against his forehead. Outside, the street was grey and silent, but Sirius saw very little of what was behind the glass. His mind was busy in another space and time. His memories were the only thing preventing him from going mad, and he resorted to them more and more frequently.

The night of Lily and James' wedding, after retrieving the keys from Remus, he had turned to go back to Sara, but she wasn't on the dance floor anymore. Had she gone without him?

He looked around for a moment, then saw her near the newlyweds' table. If he hadn't been so tall, he never would have found her. Relief washed through him. She hadn't gone away. She had just gone to say goodbye to Lily and James. He wove through the dancers until her reached her. "Ah, here you are. Shall we go?"

"Sure."

Sirius made a gesture towards James to tell him he would be back. James returned the gesture with a quizzical look, but Sirius ignored him while Lily looked on, an amused expression on her face.

Taking Sara by the hand again, Sirius led her beyond the dance floor, outside to the garden, then toward Remus' car. He opened the car door for her before climbing in on the driver's side.

Now that they were alone, there was no music and no guests chattering around them, everything seemed much more real. He was voluntarily spending time with Sara White. He had talked to her and danced with her, and not only he had enjoyed it, he wanted to do it again. His heart pounded, and his stomach clenched, as if he had missed an unusually high step. He had done his duty, making an effort to be kind to her for the sake of Lily and James, but this was going beyond. It had nothing to do with the promise he made to his best friend.

The hotel where Sara was staying wasn't far away, but Sirius drove slowly, searching for something to say. He had to say something, anything. Words had never failed him with girls, but now he was on unexplored ground. They had made progress, but their equilibrium was so fragile that a wrong word could ruin everything.

It was Sara who broke the silence. "No motorcycle today?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smiling with her head tilted to one side.

Sirius blinked, focusing on the street. "No motorcycle. It didn't seem appropriate for the ceremony."

"That's a pity. I like your motorcycle." He turned to look at her for a second. She was smiling again.

Were they really talking about his motorcycle? "I can take you for a ride sometime."

"Would you, really?" She seemed surprised.

"Sure, why not?" When she didn't say anything else, he said, "So, you like motorcycles."

"Yes. I know a guy—Luke—who's passionate about them. He lives near my parents' house. He's always in the garage, assembling and disassembling his dirt bike. And I often watch him."

"Really?" Luke sounded evil. Dirt bikers were not to be trusted.

"Uh-huh. I asked him to teach me to drive it, but he always refused."

Foolish, foolish Luke. He had a girl who wanted to learn how to drive a bike right under his nose and had let her slip away. Maybe he wasn't that dangerous. "We can fix that, too."

They continued chatting as he drove. The tension seemed to have vanished. Sirius felt relaxed, like when he had taken her hand. Too soon, they arrived at the hotel where Lily and James had reserved rooms for the guests coming from far away.

Sirius walked around the car to help her out.

"Well, thank you for the ride. And the dance. And for working so hard to get along with me." Sara went to the trunk to retrieve her bag.

"Thank you." What a stupid thing to say. Really, he couldn't come up with anything better?

Sara headed toward the steps leading to the entrance of the hotel, but Sirius couldn't allow her to go like that. He gently took her wrist to make her turn. She didn't pull back, but didn't get closer, either. She looked at him with her eyebrows arched, surely surprised, and possibly a little scared.

He took a step to get closer. He didn't want her to be scared. A lock of hair blew across her face. He reached out to tuck it behind her ear. He needed to see her eyes. There he could see the truth.

She was still, her eyes wide open and her lips slightly parted in surprise. Sirius stroked her cheek. Her skin was soft, smooth. He traced a line from her cheekbone to her jaw and lifted her chin. He had done everything he could to ignore that impulse all evening, but there was no point in denying himself the pleasure any longer. He had made an effort not to look at her mouth too long, but it was useless. And then, why should he resist?

Sirius bent a little, covering the inches between them, and Sara closed her eyes. He placed his lips on hers. Kindly, at first, more a caress than a kiss. When she answered, parting her lips, Sirius felt the same relief he had felt before, when he had taken her by the hand, only ten times stronger.

He put both of his hands at the sides of her face and deepened the kiss. Sara's hands went up to rest on his chest. He kept kissing her for a moment, and then for another moment, while the world around him faded away. Nothing mattered, just those beautifully soft lips under his own, and the feeling he finally had understood something of crucial importance.

It took all of his willpower to slow down, step back. To remember she wasn't just any other girl. She was special, and he had to treat her as such. He was such an idiot. She'd been right in front of him the whole time, and he never realized how incredible she was.

He pulled away a few inches, resting his forehead against hers and wrapping his hands around her waist.

"I better get inside." Sara's voice was trembling.

"Yes, you better go." His didn't sound much better.

Sara took a deep breath, bent to retrieve her bag—which had been abandoned on the ground—and resolutely walked away. She called over her shoulder, "Well, goodbye then."

"Goodbye, Sara. See you." Would they see each other? How? When? It wasn't like he could call her and ask her out on a date.

"See you." Sara ran up the steps and placed a hand on the doorknob, then she turned, hesitation clear in the way she fidgeted with her hands. "Next weekend there's a scheduled trip to Hogsmeade. If you have nothing better to do... I mean... if you have plans, it's not a problem... but, if you want..."

Sirius smiled. Seeing her so flustered was new. And heartwarming. "Sara."

"Yes?"

"See you at Hogsmeade."