Diary of a Slut

III

It’s been 10 years, as what I can remember, when I engaged myself in prostitution. My mom and dad already left me three years earlier and I was already sold by my stepmother on an old man, Mr. Kwang. He was already in his silver years but his body never gave a sign of his real age. He still has broad body of a 40 year old man who excises every day. He was a rich widower in our place. He already had 6 kids, 4 male and 2 females who all left him because of his ill-treatment towards them. He was all alone that is why he needs someone to be with especially with his horny times. Plus, he owns the largest bar in town and prostitution is their best offer.

‘Please don’t’ I pleaded as he pinned me on bed. I tried to push him away but he was far too strong for me. I screamed for help but he just laughed.

‘No one will help you. No one can dare help you’ He chuckled and continued to kiss my neck. Yes, no one can help me, I realized. He’s living in a mansion so big sound can’t even escape out.  The other girls in the other rooms can’t even step up and fight or help me for they’ll face greater consequences if they do.

‘Pl-please stop’ I cried and punched him away but it only made him angry. He sent me a hard blow to my stomach and I cringed in the pain. I rolled off the bed and into the floor as he unbuckled his pants. I was weeping hard hoping for help to come. When I saw the door slightly open, I managed to crawl a few meters even through there was great pain on my stomach. But he yanked me by the hair and threw me back to the bed.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’ He asked but he never intended me to answer that question. Instead he ripped of my dress and rummaged my body. He kissed every part of my nakedness but I never felt pleasure. Fear, nervousness, brokenness and pity were all the emotions that prevailed me. But he wants me to moan for him. I can’t bear any of his doings and so I received punches as punishment every time I counteract.  I lost hope and closed my eyes to let him do whatever things he pleases to do. All I can do was to cry since nothing would make a difference even if I would scream my lungs out or fight against his grip. He was dominant, that’s the fact.

I tried to distract myself and wander my thoughts. That I was somewhere with my parents and we would play in the park or I was in school talking to my friends or somewhere on the beach looking at the sunset or play snow in wintertime. I almost succeeded when I suddenly felt that I was ripped into two. He already managed to get inside of me and I wept in great pain. I grabbed the sheets and screamed to express the agony I’m into. But he didn’t care. He pounded himself into my fast and deep. I can feel blood dripping down my thighs as he moans in pleasure.  Until I got used to the pain, I never stopped crying.

I tried to hide it from the public, especially from school because I badly wanted to finish study, to be a doctor someday.

‘What’s happening to mom?’ I asked dad as we pushed her to the emergency room because of her bleeding. But he didn’t answer; instead, I saw a tear running down his cheeks.

‘She has APL and her liver is surrendering. I’m sorry but she’s already in the worst stage of leukemia’ her doctor said painting in his face sadness and despair. ‘Mr. Lee’ he called ‘you need to say goodbye to her’.

 

Mom died in front of me as we say our goodbyes. I felt helpless as my mom tried to peek through her eyelids one last time before she says farewell, before the line grew flat. All I was able to do was to cry in sync with the sound of death. Death.