Wounded Deer

Riddle Me This, Why?

Luhan stares into your reddened eyes, “Baobei, I—”

"Luhan, don’t. D-don’t you dare call me that." You barely choke out the words through your tears. Your heart feels torn, burned and put back together with a child’s hands.

His own heart swells with guilt, he knows he’s done something wrong and yet he knows he can’t unravel the past to sew something new. He knows that he’s doused your heart in oil and set it on fire. Luhan can’t do anything but watch as it burns to lonely ashes. You kick his bags out the door; you had packed them earlier. “L-leave. Wa-walk away and…and don’t…” You bite your lip, feeling the sensitive skin tear and peel. “Come back.”

"Ba-…please. Hear. Me. O-out." His voice cracks at the end, he still loves you. He can feel his heart reach towards you. "Please. I-I beg you."

You shake your head slowly, “I-I…” Staring into his pleading eyes, your body freezes. You’ve never seen him make such a face at you.

He steps toward you, “I. Love. You. And only you. I was feeling weak…I missed you while we were touring. Mar—the other girl…she was there for me. While you were sleeping, she listened to me…and…and I got weak. It happened once!” Luhan holds up his pointer finger to emphasize the one. “Only once.”

You shake your head, “You could have told me.” Your voice shakes with anger and sadness. “You could have told me that you needed me. My phone is always on, Luhan. All you needed to do was call.”

He stares at you, “Don’t do this.”

With an unsure thought pushed aside, you say clearly, “Oh, Luhan. I already did.” You close the door, sliding down and letting out the sobs you held in.

On the opposite side of that door stands Luhan, a complete wreck. He kicks his bags down before putting his face is his hands and pulling at his face. He pulls as if he can wash away the misery that attaches itself to his flawless skin. Luhan bites his tears back, he cannot cry in front of you, he wishes not to show his tears. And yet, he cries. You can hear his sobs on the other side but you refuse to open.

"Baobeiii!Baobeibaobeibaobeiiii" He sits heavily on the other side of the door, you can feel his back hit the wood. "Baobei, I’m sorry, please let me in."

The night laughs at them, showing the heartbroken couple a starry sky and full moon. The wind blows warmly, pushing Luhan’s bangs back from his tear stained eyes. “Baobei…” His pleas become softer as his voice carries on the wind. You still refuse to open the door and as you stand, you walk away from the door.

You stop a few feet away, stuck between going to sleep and opening the door to your wounded deer. No. He’s not yours anymore. He is a stray crying on your door step. You tell yourself you don’t have time. You tell yourself you won’t turn back and that you’ll have a pleasant sleep. And yet, the sorry creature beckons to you. You have room, your bed is too big all alone.

You take a deep breath and…

--

Eight days. That’s how long it’s been since you opened the door to find Luhan missing. Eight days since you told him to never look at you again. You can count on your hands how long it’s been since he stopped showing up for EXO. His brothers call you almost every day to see if he’s been around. Seven days since you found the childish note on your doorstep with the words, ‘Are you still mad? Check Yes or No’ to which you angrily circled no. Six days since you found the same note with a sad face written beside your answer. However, it has been five days since he disappeared. In those days, you’ve been wandering around your house, sweeping up the charred fragments of your heart. Although, yesterday you found a piece of Luhan’s sitting on the front step. He must have left it there. It was a picture of you two that he kept in his wallet. You’ve seen it multiple times that you knew just about everything it had to offer. The warm sun radiates from the picture, leaving you feel cold and soulless. You begin to wonder if the theory that cameras take pieces of you and seal them to paper was true for you could almost feel Luhans warm smile and his gentle touch.