The Flower Path We Walked // BTS

ᴀᴡᴀᴋᴇɴɪɴɢ [ᴋ.ɴᴊ]

•10-31 Nonhyeon-dong, Gangnam-gu, Seoul, South Korea •

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November 21st, 2013

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•• 8:43 pm ••

"You think he meant it, everything he said?"

The dew of the afternoon rain settled over the exposed skin on my arms. I should have brought a jacket. Yoongi had been wiser and had thrown on a black sports jacket before we'd climbed up. It landed a bit far up his wrists and I could guess that if he tried to close it, it probably wouldn't. I imagined if I tired it on it probably fall somewhere along my elbow and wouldn't do any good.

"I don't think he did. or I don't like to think he did anyway. What's done is done either way. I wouldn't wanna give him the satisfaction of letting it stir me"

Our feet hung off the edge of the building, swinging lazily. Fast moving clouds slowly faded away as the last bits of light slowly squeezed out of the day. We rarely talked up here. Just sat, in quiet Empathy. No formal requests were ever made either. Usually, a call for a very existential break from the unforgiving and crushing reality of the world, watching the world move at 2 times speed hundreds of feet below and realizing just how small and irrelevant you and your problems really are to the well being of the world went something along the lines of,

'Hey bro wanna go sit on the roof for a while'

'Yea sure'

"How many times have you watched it, The video?"

"A few" I stare down at my shoes. "have you watched it?"

He sighed. Probably considering if I actually expected an answer. I didn't really, I didn't often get one. 

"Once, I wanted to see his face when we performed, but I ended up watching the whole thing"

"Yeah same," I fail at saying coolly. "The first time" I add on and he chuckles.

That'd usually put the cap on the talking for the night but he starts again.

"I catch myself wondering If I'm even really allowed to be mad at him. Or if this is just some horrible karma for the shit I used to talk when I was younger. Hell, not even. Two months ago-" He holds up two fingers. "Just two, I probably thought worse. It gives me no right to be mad at him. I'm no better"

He's talks louder, increasing volume at every word like he's worried the movement of the city below will obscure his words. Or maybe he's just talking over the noise in his head.

"You didn't say it though" I say quietly and he looks up at me. I stare forward.

"You thought it. But you didn't say it. To me, or to the guys. You'd never say something like that because you know how disheartening it is to be talked down to about what you wanna do with your life. You're a thousand times better"

He doesn't say anything, just stares out with me. At some point, Our breathing syncs up and slows as one.

 There's something calming about the city. Because just as it can be terrifying to realize that your just another pawn moving across a board made for a million players, there's something about watching people live their lives, stumbling home drunk, talking to their mother on the phone on their way home, spilling their coffees at the feet of the person they'll spend the rest of their lives with and knowing that no matter how badly you screw up or how much you may think your world is caving in, your errors will never touch them. You are the epicenter of your problems, and compared the number of people living and dying in the world, your worst pain, will do nothing more than rattle a couple of buildings and maybe knock over a vase.

There's something especially calming about having someone to watch it with.

"You should have become a motivational speaker" He heaves a dry laugh.

"Yeah? You should meet my dad. He's a hundred times worse. or better. Im not sure if that was a compliment."

"It's weird. I've known you for years and I've never met any of your family. Except for your sister."

"You mean the one that's absolutely and non-negotiably off limits?"

"Yeah, her" We're both laughing now.

Something inside me aches at the thought of success. At the possibility that one day, these simple times where our problems only spread as far as a fan base of 200 and all it took to fix them was sitting watching the day turn dark and having deep talks with my best friend will disperse farther and farther until they disappear completely. Yet something worse, a habitual feeling of greed, yells at me that if I don't succeed all that will be left of my life is this. Sitting watching the day turn dark my best friend. Ironically, it feels like a win-win situation.

"I'm glad I didn't. I wouldn't have never met another Min Yoongi as a motivational speaker"

He clutches his heart with a pained expression.

"Oh Namjoon, you're gonna kill me one of these days." He guards his arm as I raise mine to hit him.

The sky is finally dark and the stars gleam down on us. We stay like this for a while and talk about what seems like everything.By the end, It feels like there's no subject left to cover though I'm sure that's not true. We agree that we definitely need to bring the guys up here and plan out the suggestion so it doesn't sound too melodramatic and movie-like and more like something 2 bros would casually suggesting to 5 other bros. That we go up on the roof and talk about our feelings. We laugh till we're clutching our sides and the street deserts completely, waiting for the next day to begin.

My heart swells at the thought of sharing our space. but still In my mind, I see the silhouettes of 7 guys, sitting to face the city, talking about their accomplishments, or their lack of, which to my own astonishment, doesn't ruin the picture at all. 

I feel lighter. Its the feeling of nostalgia about something that is yet to happen but you know that when it does and when it passes and you're thinking back of the moments that made your life, It the picture you'll see when you think of the word dream, of the word family.
It'll the picture of your youth.

"Just tell me that I can survive 

In this cold world just feel my vibe

I know one day at a time

The sun gon' shine"  

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update 3 years later :)))

Yes It is meant to be an aftermath of the B-free interview incident since it is, in my opinion, one of the most defining moments in BTS' early career. It seemed like something that needed to be mentioned and I couldn't imagine it in anyone elses POV but Namjoon's.

I hope you enjoyed ❤

(please mind any spelling errors )

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