Dealing with it

Chapter 20: Bucky Barnes

  Steve had thought that it was going so well. Had fooled himself really, had forgotten how strong willed and clever his son was. As soon as Tony had forgiven him... before that Peter had been okay with him too, had hugged him and just looked a little sad. Since Tony had let Steve back in Peter seemed to have drawn away further and it hurt like hell. It had hurt like hell that Peter wouldn't even consider shared custody when they were getting divorced.

  When they were getting divorced... before Tony forgave him.

  Sighing, Steve went and showered away the sweat from his workout. As the water washed over him so did his guilt. Why do you care. That was what his son had said to him when he had confronted him about the drugs. Then he had gone on to tell Steve all the ways that he had messed up, all the ways that he had been trying so hard to forget. That was when he had gone and done something that he wasn't proud of... when Peter had stormed off and Tony had followed him.

  Steve had gone and rung Bucky.

  He had rung the man that he had left his husband for in order to get some comfort. The man was in Wakanda where Steve had left him before he had returned to America. As far as Steve knew, his best friend and secret lover from his childhood had been dead when he had married Tony. Thing was he loved Tony but he had loved Bucky first, Bucky had loved him before the serum, before he was Captain America.  He had come back to America because Peter was here as well as his husband. Now though he knew that just coming back hadn't been enough.

  Bucky had been a great comfort, his voice had been so welcome and Steve had told him how much he missed him and loved him. The other had returned the comment and Steve had made his decision; he was going to go back to him. He was obviously making Peter miserable and was obviously putting strain on Tony, he had broken something and it just wasn't fixable. 

  As he made his way down to the kitchen to continue his morning ritual and so he sat down with his coffee and paper, trying not to let the guilt consume him and figure out how exactly he was going to tell his husband and son he was leaving again. He hadn't been there all too long before Peter came down fully dressed but still sleep ruffled, looking for toast. Steve had heard his son wake from a nightmare that night, heard the yell of fear before there was silence again. Tony had just slept on and Steve hadn't known what to do so he had just left it. He wondered if the nightmare was about him?

  Peter didn't acknowledge him more than a small smile and Steve thought that was definitely an improvement on the way he had pretended that Steve didn't exist as he had the last few weeks.You need to except that Peter will probably never trust you again Tony's words echoed in his head as he looked at the teen. Last night he had thought that maybe, after Peter had curled into him, that he should stay. Then Tony had reminded him of the truth and why he wanted to just get out in the first place.

  Really they both needed to except that Steve is a soldier not a family man, always has been and always will be.

  "Morning Peter, morning Steve," Tony greeted as he entered.

  "Morning Dad," Peter smiled back, returning the hug as Tony wrapped the teen up in a brief hug.

  "Hey will you sit down. I need to talk to you," Tony said to the boy, gesturing at the table.

  Peter took the seat as he was told, he looked curious and nervous as he looked up at Tony. Steve was also curious as to what Tony was going to say, he hadn't spoken to Steve. Just another little change from how they used to be; they used to confer on everything.

  "Drugs, drinking, never being home," Tony said directly as he sat opposite Peter.

  "Right..." Peter said slowly looking cornered.

  "It stops Peter and I mean it. I know I said weed was okay before and I know I understood the absences but it stops. I've been letting you get away with it because I felt guilty about being away so long, that you didn't have a dad for so long. Now I'm here and I'm not really acting like you father. You have to be home so we can be a family. You can't do drugs because like Steve said, they're bad for you. So's the drinking. I was a druggie, alcoholic when I was your age and I was an asshole. I made so many terrible decisions and did so many terrible things, I know you're not as bad as I was but if you continue you will get there. So it stops, do you understand?" Tony ranted. 

  Steve blinked, surprised. Then guilty. Home so we can be a family...

  "Y-yeah Dad. I'm sorry," Peter was red and playing with his hands beneath the table.

  "You're a bright kid, brighter than me. I don't get why you started in the first place," Tony said.

  "The thrill I guess, to get out of my head," Peter relied, hands now on top of the table but still constantly moving.

  "Yeah, thought so. Keep the thrill to Spider-man from now on though. Just not to much thrill to the point where you get stabbed again," Tony smiled.

  Peter looked up then and smiled back with a small chuckle. The way the two looked at each other... Peter trusted and loved Tony, more than he ever would Steve. It hurt but it was his fault, he loved Bucky and the life they lead more than his family. Since being on the move with the man as they ran from prosecution, Steve had gotten a bit of a taste for the freedom of travel. Here like this he almost felt trapped.

  "Steve!" Tony shouted.

 "What? Yes?" Steve started.

  "Asked if you agreed. Where you listening at all?" Tony rolled his eyes.

  "Yes, and yes I agree," Steve said quickly.

  "There's something wrong, something on your mind," Peter accused, perceptive as ever.

  Steve looked at him, taking him in. He was a handsome lad, strong and smart and independent. Perfect really apart from the substances he liked to take. He would miss him when he left, hoped that he would see him on the news or maybe come and watch him occasionally. The soldier wouldn't be able to interact with him again though, not after this.

  "I'm leaving again. I'm going back to be with Bucky."