Tuesday, July 17, 2018 09:05 pm
Angeles City, Pampanga Philippines
*Rainy Night*
Minsan talaga mapapa ngiti ka nalang sa maiisip mo. A usual day. Drinking my coffee, smoking, checking my fb acct/messenger while playing some songs on my spotify acct. I searched for the artist Nina. Well, it's raining. I would love to listen some slow and relaxing music. (I recommend Nina's songs. They're soothing.😉) Earplugs on, I start my day.
I was just listening to Loving You while browsing on my fb. I was mouthing some horrible remarks everytime I see someone broadcasting live and selling items. Sinakop na nila tayo! Gosh! Suddenly, the song changes. On track was Someday. Napatigil ako sa pag browse, yung bigla nalang naparalize yung thumb ko. I just stared on my phone. Listening to the lyrics, then I remembered someone.
I can't help but think of him. The times we're together. Happy times. Naalala ko pa nga nung time na nagkakalabuan na kami. Warm tears run down my cheeks. Akala ko wala na ako mararamdaman na sakit or kirot, pero ayun nakisabay ako sa ulan. Para akong tanga sa terrace, umiiyak. Buti nalang talaga walang tao. Pero si tatay (landlord) feeling ko nanonood sa cctv. Alam mo yung kahit ayaw mong umiyak bigla nalang babagsak? Dahil na rin siguro sa panahon. Then I also remembered the time I was with my ex (not the one I am remembering) in a fastfood chain. I'm with him, sitting face to face, asking me if I'm okay. I was just staring at him. Then suddenly I told him, "Namimiss ko si mama." Pagkabigkas ko kay mama bigla ako humagulgol ng iyak.
That moment, I am aware of my surroundings. Yung katabi naming table mag asawa, I think they are in they're early 50's. There's also a girl 2 tables far from us. Alone. I cried. I just cried then my ex asked, "wait, tawagan ko mama mo." I am also aware that they are looking at our table. I don't care. I'm hurting. I cried until I heard my ex talking to his phone. Inabot nya sakin yung phone saying, "kausapin ka raw ni mama mo." Kinuha ko yung phone then there I was, listening to her voice. Yung boses ni mama galit, pero ramdam mo yung pag aalala kahit galit sya. I just cried a little louder, "mama, i miss you." I just cried not listening to what she is trying to say. I just cried and cried. After a few moments of her talking to me saying, "sino ba kasi yan?" "unang kita ko palang sa lalaking yun alam kong sira ulo." "Tumigil ka na, bigay mo kay (ex) yung phone." Nung inabot ko yung phone sa kanya may nakita akong tissue sa table namin. Ang dami. Wala naman kaming order pero bakit andaming tissue? Guess what? I used them. I'm still crying then I scanned my eyes around. I can still see the couple on the next table, pero wala na si ate girl na mag isa. Tinawag ako ni ex para tanungin kung gusto ko pa kausapin si mama, kinuha ko yung phone then kinausap ako ni mama.
Tumayo na kami sa kinauupuan namin then naglakad lang kami. Naglakad lang kami basta. Walang exact place na pupuntahan. I'm not crying anymore. Then I heared my mom ask me, "Okay ka na? Wag mo na isipin yun. Ang pangit kaya nun, kamukha nya si Zander Ford." I laughed. Then I told her I'm okay. I said my goodbyes, then told her I'll go home next week and promised she'll prepare me my favorite dish SINIGANG. "Yung gusto mo maraming gulay diba? Dadamihan ko ng kangkong at bibili rin akong maraming siling labuyo para sa sawsawan mong patis." I smiled and thanked her. "I love you ma!" I told her and she told me she love me too then ended the call. Binalik ko na yung phone ng ex ko then I remembered the tissue on my hand. "Hiningi mo to sa cashier?" Sumagot sya, "Hindi, inabot ni ate yung sa kabilang table yung mag isa." Bigla ako nahiya. Pero naisip ko, may mga mabubuting tao parin kahit alam mong ikaw ay nahihirapan.
Nakamove on nako just to let you all know. Naalala ko lang sya dahil sa kanta ni Nina.
"Cause, someday someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see I won't even miss you
Someday, someday"
Now, the ex that with me the whole time I'm broken? We resumed our 5 year relationship and now we're nearly 1 year in a relationship. Well, to sum it up if we did'nt broke up baka 7 years na kami. Okay lang. Nag uumpisa ulit kami kaya okay talaga. 😘
My ex is now just a memory. A lesson. For my ex, pinatawad na kita sa lahat, kahit alam kong wala kang ginawang masama. Ako ang may kasalanan. Ang masakit lang nung iniwan moko ay ang hindi mo ako kinausap para may closure tayo. Pero okay na. I'm doing well, I hope you are too. Thank you for everything. ☺️
"FORGIVING YOU IS MY GIFT TO YOU, MOVING ON IS MY GIFT TO MYSELF."
P.S.
Wag nyo na pansinin grammar ko. Perfect ka?
