The End ➵ mgc

laila's letter; writen 01/02/14

Michael,

By time you read this I will be gone.

I am sorry but it's best, I wasn't happy in this world and me being unhappy will just make you unhappy. The end is always the hardest part and telling you this to your face would just make it more hard.

When I met you for the first time I remember telling myself to not get attached because it would ruin the walls I built so high. Well months past and I fell for you. Those walls fell down and my whole world suddenly revolved around you. It ruined everything I planned but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love you so much it hurts and I never wanted to hurt you.

But my time here was falling short.

I was never perfect and I kept so much secrets from you. I didn't want you to think differently of me and I just wanted to feel loved like before.

I had a rough life and you know that but you don't know the reasons.

At such a young age I watched my sister die. I couldn't help her but I could have been there for her more. She had a full and happy life ahead of her. The tumour took her away to fast and I never really repaired myself from that.

My parents were constantly fighting. They always said it wasn't about me but I had ears and could understand. Whether it was about my failing grades or about my horrible behaviour.

My mother was constantly drinking and it hurt seeing her drink, mostly to rid the pain.

My father was my best friend. Always stood up for me when my drunk mother would start fights with my father about me. He was my rock and when he was torn out of my life gave me a feeling that really hurt.

And bullies is what brought me into the world of drugs, alcohol, and sex. I am very ashamed and I am sorry for never telling you. It's not exactly something I tell people, actually only my foster parents knew and once I turned eighteen I was gone, tired of being their burden.

And I always told myself I was never going to be alright, I didn't want to be okay. I wanted to feel pain because if I felt happiness I was scared it would leave all to soon. I was used to pain.

But when I met you my walls fell down, plans were ruin, and I felt a spark of happiness,

but everything came to a end when I started thinking.

I was up late every night with bad thoughts in my head and when I did sleep I had these horrible nightmares.

Letting you go was the hardest thing ever but I was forever broken. I needed to end all my pain.

I am so sorry for hurting you like I did. I did something I never wanted to do and that was hurt you.

Michael you need to let me go.

Let our memory fade.

Meet new people.

Find a wonderful girl that will make you happy and will never let you go. Marry her. Have beautiful green eye'd babies with her.

Don't hold onto to a broken memory.

Live life the way you always dreamed.

This wasn't easy and I am sorry but I have to go.

This isn't goodbye, we will meet again soon.

But for now this is the end.

I love you moonlight and I will always be your sunshine.

love,
Laila