Time To Waste

Chapter 20: Intertwined

His bags were packed and sitting beside the front door, and he admittedly couldn't wait to get the fuck out of town. Things here were not good, most not good, thanks to Jenna being with child. He had never wanted kids, though while he was willing to admit that, sure, it might not be as truly abominable a fate as he made it out to be, he wasn't going to raise a kid that wasn't even his. She didn't know it, but that kid could be practically anyone's. Or, well, not anyone, but Rick or Ryan could be the baby daddy. He had accrued a nice savings account, and he wasn't willing to deplete it to raise Rick or Ryan's little brat. Worse yet, to have to look them both in the eye every day of the remainder of his life, knowing that he was the asshole schmuck that was stuck raising their bastard.

Yet, there was the issue of the baby momma, who he kind of had to admit he adored. In fact, he was deeply and irrevocably in love with her. He had told himself years ago that he would never be able to love again, that he had nothing of his shriveled dead heart left to give, but recently he had discovered that was just not the case at all. He loved Jenna. He wanted to keep her safe and warm, forever treat her like a queen. His queen.

These disparate thoughts were warring inside his head constantly of late, and he wasn't sleeping. Which meant that he was irritable and nonsensical, and he was even starting to grate at his own nerves. Poor Jenna had been avoiding him like the Black Death, going about her daily schedule and then sleeping in the extra bedroom at night. This, too, was a reason he himself couldn't sleep. The night that they got the "great news," he heard her cry herself to sleep in the other bed. This had caused an endless pit of despair to open inside his shriveled heart: because he wanted her safe and happy in his arms, not sobbing herself to sleep in his guest bedroom.

Then, there was the realization too that he couldn't love her and want the best for her and continue his present charade. She knew that something smelled foul about their anniversary, the threesome fiasco had long since spiraled out of control and he was sitting in an oubliette glancing up at his former life with painfully guilt-ridden brown eyes. He knew things, he knew things that he should probably tell her. Unfortunately, coming clean would likely mean the loss of his relationship; because she would be absolutely stupid not to leave him. 

For now, he was keeping his stupid mouth shut. Until he could make a decision that he was willing to live with the consequences of, he was going to pierce his big fucking mouth shut. So, in the interest of not making matters worse, he had tossed his bags beside the front door and then sat on the sofa to wait for his one true love to return home. And no, he would never tell her that she was his one true love. Because that would be wearing his heart on his fucking sleeve, and all his fans knew – he didn't do that!

When Jenna breezed in the door ten minutes later, looking beautiful and absolutely glowing, he stood up and wrapped her in his arms and crushed her to his chest. He pressed his nose – god, he hated that gigantic schnoz – into her hair and inhaled deeply to find hints of coconut, vanilla, and sunshine. He couldn't help but smile. "I'm leaving at ten," he confessed softly, holding her curvy little body against his hungry skin. 

Something about her was closed off, she wasn't her usual fully open self; there was a firewall around her heart right now. But she glanced into his eyes and nodded. "I had lunch with Brian. I wanted to tell him the news in person."

Chris nodded to this and tried to settle the racing thoughts in his head, tried to find a way to know what to say. "I don't want to go away mad," he confessed softly, and it sounded good. He meant it and he thought he sounded like he meant it. "I want us to work this out."