Power & Control

Two - 이 - Dos

"Put me down! Carrying me as if I were a rag doll. I have my own two feet." I said, not caring if people were paying attention. They probably saw these types of fiascos happening often.

"Oh, I just thought you wouldn't be able to walk after that idiot fucked you. Sorry for being considerate babe."

"Fuck you, Taehyung!"

"I would say fuck you right back... but I see someone else already did it."

I couldn't believe him, as if two nights ago he wasn't doing the same thing! How did we end up here? Our relationship was beautiful. That cliché type where we wrote each other letters and brought each other flowers. We were happy. We were perfect. But honestly, nothing lasts forever. I just never thought it would end up like this.

"Just take me home." Was all I could manage to say before he finally put me down. I didn't want to fight, not again. I was tired, exhausted of this sick game our relationship had turned into.

It all started with him. I remember the date: September 20, 2017. The day I found the love of my life cheating on me with another girl. Our one year anniversary. How could I ever forget? It felt like a hurricane, ravaging everything in its path, no mercy, from my body to my mind to my heart. At that very moment when I saw them, I didnt know which one to follow, but my body took over and before I knew it I had entered his home and was standing in front of both of them. I will never forget  the look on his face. I should've broken up with him right then and there. I'm aware.

"No. You're coming with me tonight, you're staying over. Good luck trying to get home by yourself." He said quite harshly, but doing a little chuckle at the end.

We had finally gotten in the car and I couldn't even dare to look at him. My body was leaning away from him as far as possible, and as I rested my head on the car door I tried to hold back my tears. He started driving and the whole ride was quiet. Around four months ago we agreed to never fight while either of us was driving, after an accident nearly left us both dead. Cause of the accident? Bickering. Cause of the bickering? Me sleeping with another guy.

This is the house I once loved to see, but right now it was the last place I wanted to be. I know what's going to happen next. We're stuck in a cycle, the cycle is cruel.

"Why him? Out of all people." He actually said in a low voice, almost whispering.

He must be tired too. I wish I could know what he was thinking. I wonder what he was thinking when he cheated on me. Had he planned it? Did it just happen? Had it been going on for quite some time before I found out about it? We have never really talked about it, our ego and pride wouldn't let us. He couldn't admit his wrongs and I couldn't accept that someone would ever cheat on me, specially not someone like him. Silly me.

I, of course, knew what he meant with that question. I just didn't have an answer, or not a good one at least.

"Why did you decide to fuck my ex-best friend?" Now raising his voice and with a lot of anger in his tone, he looked directly in my eyes. Before, his look was so loving, so soft, so caring but now all of that was gone, all I can feel every time he looks me in the eyes is fear.

"Just thought he would be a nice fuck. After all that's what you called yours from two nights ago. I thought I could experience the feeling myself. Which by the way, he was. You just had to interrupt, didn't you?"

How I had turned into this person was still a mystery to me. So jealous, conceited, selfish and arrogant. Yet, he was the same. It kind of happened simultaneously. We were more made for eachother than we thought. But I wasn't as strong as I tried to act, I try to mask how much this actually hurts me..

"I can't believe you! Why are you talking as if you weren't my girlfriend? You're mad because I interrupted you? As if I were your parents or some kind of shit. What the fuck!" he was basically shouting at this point, I could tell that what I said really hit a nerve.

"Taehyung, I think we both know we stopped acting like a normal couple months ago."

"Shut up! Why him? Why him? Why him?" He kept shouting, pacing around in the living room. My eyes followed his every move.

I then realized it wasn't specifically what I had said before that hurt him, it was more the fact that it was Jungkook. I had just fucked Jungkook. In a public bathroom. Jungkook. The guy that once held the position of being his best friend, but, as he has told me before, due to some awkward events was now almost a stranger to him.

Why him? The question he kept repeating. Why him? I don't really know. It just happened. I don't even think Jungkook knew who I am... or was, before he saw Taehyung storm into the restroom. All I knew was that I had hit a new low in this "game" and I don't think there's a way of him ever forgiving me.

"I'm not going to leave you alone until you answer me. Did you think it would be funny? Exotic? Out of this world?"

God he did talk some shit.

"Answer me! Were you trying to find the best way of getting revenge at me? Because you did it. You fucking did it." He said, finally sitting down at the sofa.

"I don't want to talk." I spat, leaning over the wall with my arms crossed on my chest.

Lies. How I wish we could talk about everything. How our beautiful relationship had turned into this. Why he did it in the first place. Why I did it then. How did this become a pattern. Why we couldn't just break up with each other like normal people would do. We love each other though, I know it. But we were also both aware this was toxic. Regarding his question, I still just really don't know how to answer. I can't answer him.

He was running his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry but I think this just did it for me." He said looking at the floor.

"What do you mean?" I utter, lowering my arms, becoming more panicked at the waiting of his answer.

I'm afraid of what he might say next. By this point I'm just staring directly at him. He looks suddenly nervous and let out a loud sigh, his look still facing the floor. His soft hair was now a mess, he kept running his fingers through it. He seemed to be deep in thought.

I just noticed he was wearing the same shirt as when I found him that 20th of September.

He lightly shook his head no, before finally speaking up, "I'm going to sleep". He stood up, never looking at my direction he started walking towards the stairs.

What?

"What?" I accidentally asked out loud.

"You can just sleep on the other room, or on the couch. Suit yourself. Please just don't try to get back to your house at this hour, though. Goodnight."

And with that he disappeared upstairs. Not once he looked me in the eyes.

Damn. I really fucked up this time.

Suddenly I felt something vibrate on my purse. I took out my phone and saw a text message from "JK".

Jungkook.

"Is everything okay?" It read.

The thing is... I don't even know.