Among the Vinca

Chapter 23: Blake

I felt a mixture of emotions after hearing Eric and Ryan's conversion. It both amused and annoyed me. I did not need anyone's affection, particularly in the situation we were currently struggling with. Our focus was needed wholly on the tasks at hand. And the fact in itself, once I went through the staggering disbelief that someone would be idiotic enough to offer a suit to me...

Why in the world would someone choose to suffer over something they cannot possibly deal with? Does he have the slightest notion of what he would be asking for? No, I will prevent him from advancing. This should not be difficult. The situation left me rattled. I had no experience with that scenario, and I felt very out of my element. It also had me slightly disturbed. Biology shows that animals will pick a mate based on how successful their offspring would be. Whales fight, insuring that the strongest fighter would mate. Female bats pick the most attractive male. What do I have that would insure survival for our offspring? I shook my head at myself. It is a limit of options, obviously. I am looking too much into this. Perhaps I should attempt to have him be attracted to Whynne... My stomach churned a bit at the thought. No, Whynne would have had him by now if she wanted him. She seems to think he would not be an ideal mate. Do I? I had never thought of it. Relationships seemed a waste of emotion and time. Besides, I had never been able to maintain friendships, let alone relationships.

Except for Xela... I started to stomp out the thought, out of habit, but I allowed myself to think of her. My sister. My fatally ill sister. A very aggressive and destructive leukemia. My parents had no money for the treatment. This experiment... was supposed to be her chance. A miracle. She would get her treatment. She'd live... My only friend, the only person I truly cared about... Fate is cruel. But I displayed stupidity. There is no such thing as miracles. I should have known better than to hope. Hope, one of the most overused words in the English language. As if I'd ever hope that I would find an ideal partner. I have no use for such wistful thinking. I thought of my parents. They were disappointed by me, I knew. They had made it quite clear that I did not meet their expectations. Xela had always been excruciatingly difficult to live up to. I had often attempted to despise her, for all the attention she possessed from our parents. But it was seemly impossible. She was the only person that seemed to understand any of my hopes, my dreams. She... cared. Like no one else did. All of my fellow peers always gave me that facade. As soon as I began to talk, the facade would cloud their features. Some would try to appear interested, or at least not disturbed, but frequently failed. Others thought me conceited. A know-it-all, as Whynne often phrased it. People often judge what they cannot understand. I was alone with my eccentrics. No, not alone. I had Xela.

Have. Not had. Not had not had not had. She isn't dead.

"Yet." A nasty voice whispers in my head. I had laughed when they told me. Xela, with cancer? It was obviously some kind of cruel, twisted, joke. My parents had looked at me, disgust etched in their features.

"Are you so messed that you laugh at your own sister's sickness?" My mother had asked me. My father snorted.

"She's just unnatural. We found that out a long time ago. Nothing to worry about, can't do much more damage than it already has." Of course that's what they had thought. I was unnatural. A failure. A disappointment. Why would people wish to be around me? I was a freak. Possessing too much knowledge, forever saying the wrong things. I was also simply sick of my dealings with the human population. I would much rather remain independent.

"Blake?" I turned to the speaker, who was Ryan. "Are you okay? You look a bit funny."

"She always looks a bit funny." Ah, Whynne. As charming as always. I rolled my eyes slightly. Girls can be so petty... Like alley cats.