Meddlers (South Park) {IkexFirkle}

Chapter 3| Filmore

"And then I totally kicked their asses." I grin at Sally and she laughs, arms crossed and eyebrow raised. It's like she doesn't believe me! Who wouldn't believe me, Filmore, the greatest guy in the whole year? Most honest too; never told a lie.

I can just imagine how many awards I'll get in the yearbook. Just imagining my face splashed on every page, titles such as 'Best Looking', 'Strongest', 'Able to seduce three women and a guy from a single wink'. Heaven, it truly is, to be myself.

But then I get a glimpse of the time, swiftly realising one thing; if I don't move my fine ass now, I won't be me for much longer. It's almost twelve thirty, the exact time I promised Ruby that I'd meet in the secret hideout for the first Operation: Fike meeting.

If I'm late, she'll try to kill me!

Emphasis on try. I know she loves me really, so she'd never go through with her evil wants and desires. Plus, as I've thought many times, she's a teddy bear. If I just hugged her, she'd melt into my sculpted arms and cry in happiness.

The thought is great. I'd always found Ruby strangely attractive; with her freckled mug, short stature and messily braided hair. She's cute, and I would love to get with her.

It's quite unfortunate that she pretends to hate me.

It's a problem, but perhaps someday she'll get over it and climb me like a tree.

Pushing those thoughts side for late, I rush away from sally. I don't see her reaction as I hurry down corridors. Ducking and dodging, twisting and turning, I weave through students and offer the most charming smiles to anyone I almost topple over. It works and they aren't too angry, only bitter and seemingly resentful.

But that's totally okay, because I can make it up to them if they want.

I make it to the meeting three minutes after twelve thirty. It's sad, because I definitely would've been on time, but sometimes you just have to accept an offered phone number from a guy with a particularly round ass.

What's really lame, more than anything else, is that Ruby isn't even here.

After looking inside the secret meeting room, empty. After looking down the corridor, empty. After looking in the actual bin, just in case she's gone home, empty.

I laugh at my own joke and decide to add 'most humorous' to the growing list of titles for the year book.

"What're you laughing at?" I jump when Ruby suddenly appears, surprisingly not out of the bin. She saunters out from around the corner, phone in one hand and earphones tucked into the collar of her shirt.

"You're late!" Instead of explaining my laughter I accuse, pointing a finger in her direction. She sighs, fiercely knocking my arm back to my side before striding into the room.

"Only fashionably." She shrugs, and I realise that she's a hypocrite. If I was 'fashionably' late, she'd flip and shout and try to mount me.

Although it won't be in the way I deeply desire.

"Still late." I can't help myself from pouting. It's not that I'm trying to look cute, it just happens when shit doesn't go my way. It's very, very, very rare, but when it happens, it sucks.