Salvatore

Prologue

As a young boy I always imagined a life for me full of happiness – full of magical things. A life I imagined for myself way out of reality, that I didn't even think that one-day it would destroy me completely. I was always an emotional child, with an unhealthy mind and heart. I was really fighting a war inside of me that sometimes made me do stupid stuff to myself.

I was filled with sick feelings and the need to hurt myself. I really don't know what it was, that I just loved to hurt myself and obviously did not care who I hurt with my actions. My restlessness caused so much friction in my family, so much sadness to my love ones that made it even worse. I was never okay.

At the age of fourteen, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder II. The psychiatrist at the mental hospital had really been studying me for a couple of years and finally came to that determination. They saw how I was harm to myself; I was so unstable that I really needed deep help, to, at least stabilize the chemicals in my brain. It was really a process. I went through so many different types of medication that was so useless to me because I still felt like complete shit or even at some points made the need to harm myself even worst.

I sometimes wonder how things would be obviously different if I had stopped existing. Everything would have been so much better if I had succeeded the first time I attempted against my own life. It would have saved so many tears, worriedness, and lives and more importantly, it would had saved my own soul; which is now suffering with so much sorrow, miserableness and restlessness. I have doomed my soul for eternity; I do not have any forgiveness from God, if there is such thing as a God. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about that night. Everything happened so quickly that I bet God didn't even see it coming.