(Corey) I Just Want To Be Right By Your Side (Taylor) [22]

(Corey) I Just Want To Be Right By Your Side (Taylor) [10]

I sighed as I dialed Christina’s number. I wasn’t really ready for this but as I watched snow falling outside the living room window I knew that I couldn’t put it off any longer. Christmas eve was in two days and Angeline would be arriving tomorrow. Whether I was ready or not I needed to do this.

“Hey is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I just thought that while the kids were at Scarlett’s and Corey was occupied with the guys we might be able to do some shopping?”

“Sure, I’ll pick you up in twenty ok?”

“I’ll be ready.”  I hung up and checked my bag again, making sure I had my key for Corey’s house, my cell phone, wallet, and the can of mace that Corey had given me. Sure that I had everything I needed I wondered around the down stairs for a few minutes admiring the tree we had put up before looking back out the window. The snow falling looked so clean and pure that I almost cringed at the thought of walking out into it and dirtying it before it even touched the ground.

I took a deep breath to steady myself as I saw Christina’s car pull into the driveway. I let myself out of the house making sure to lock the door behind me and made my way to her car.

“Hey, are you sure you’re up for this?” She said her tone dropping as she eyed my drawn and ashen face.

“Yeah. I need to do this.”

“You haven’t been out since Collin’s friends tried to get you in the mall have you?”

“No, I just couldn’t…”

“I understand it’s hard Nici but you aren’t going to be able to heal unless you are able to face your fears.”

“I know but….”

“You don’t want to worry anyone. Well news flash honey, they are all already worried,” she said as she reversed out of the drive. “The only way to make this better is going to be starting to pull the pieces of your life back together. Now I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I’ve seen to many women go through similar cycles to know that it’s not going to be quick or easy but we have to start.”

“I know, I’m just not sure how to do it.”

“You’re doing it.”

“What?”

“Corey has been like your bodyguard since the attack. You’re taking the first step today in leaving the house without him.”

“I’m not scared as much anymore of Collin and his friends. The really dangerous ones have been held in custody.”

“Well if it’s not fear that’s been keeping you inside what?”

I shrugged and wrapped my arms around myself tightly as I stared out the window at the passing scenery. All the house were decorated with Christmas lights and decorations, all blinking away merrily in the dim light of the overcast afternoon.

“Well there is obviously something you’re blocking,” Christina said when I didn’t respond more than the shrug.

“I…I just…am so ashamed. I feel so dirty all the time. I shower constantly and I scrub until my skin is raw but I can’t make the dirty feeling go away. It feels like everything and everyone I come in contact with is tarnished with the same irremovable grime.”

“Have you told Corey this?”

“Yes and his response is always that I’m not dirty and that I have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Well he’s right in that you don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”

“It’s not what happened…”