Sincerely, The Run Away

J a c o b

Dear Jacob,

I know what it feels like to start at a new school because of being bullied. I know you didn't want the parents to worry about you like they did me, so you picked a fight with Simmons. I know. I just wish you would have told me. I could have helped you through it. Now you're in high school, and I know you aren't doing good things. When I left after senior year, I never imagined it would have such an impact on both of our lives. We hardly knew each other at times, yet now we are both lost. I guess having a person around that just feels things -call it sibling intuition- is very helpful. I wish I could come back home, but I can't, I'm sorry. You know what they did to me Jacob. You know because you witnessed it.

Do you remember when we used to sneak out around midnight and visit Oak Park? We'd sit on the metal swings, the chains clanking against each other, and see which one of us could kick the highest, who fathom the farthest jump. Big yellow-red leaves were always falling off the trees, and we would try to find the largest of the large ones. After an hour or so of laying in the field grass and talking about anything, we would go home and crawl into bed. Do you remember? Mom and Dad would always wonder why we sometimes woke up with leaves in our hair. They were very ignorant. Sometimes, I was happy they were; we could get away with anything. Other times I wish they paid attention more often. Maybe neither of us would be so lost of broken if we had some sort of guidance.

I'm sorry I haven't called or visited or even written a letter I'd actually sent. I'm sorry for being such a fuck-up of an older sister. I'm sorry, little brother. How's Angela? Are you two still dating? Do you even like girls anymore? Do you even care to love anymore? Was I the only person keeping the last whispers of love in your heart? I'm so sorry if when I ran away I took every thing but pain. I wish you could actually read this apology. I know it'll never happen.

I suppose I can tell you some things about my life. I met someone after I left. He is so kind. He cares for me Jacob. He really does. I'm sorry you can't meet him because I can't come back. We are similar. He can't see his family ever again either. His name is Christopher. I've known hime for the two years I've been gone, and I think I love him Jacob, and I think he loves me too. We talk about our futures, what they could be like after we truly escape this madness; when we run away from being runaways. He says he wants to be a doctor, and I told him I did too. We want to work side by side, treating people, in the same hospital. It would be amazing, but we don't have anywhere near enough money for college. I guess that's the life of a runaway. It has to be this way though.

I love you Jacob. Please don't ever think any of this was your fault. I loved you when you woke me up at three on Christmas mornings by poking my eyes. I loved you when you told me you hated me and would never speak to me again at the age of five (it took you only six minutes to get over it). I loved you the day I met you, and I always will. You are my brother, and please don't believe I've abandoned you, because I never wanted you to think that. Maybe someday I'll come back for you. May be it'll all end up okay.

Sincerely,

The Run Away