Olikase Oneshots

Last Words

The sun had found its way up the sky only a few hours ago, and yet, its warmth already heated up the house. Weakly, single sun rays fought their way through the half opened curtains and thus, displayed the several dust particles floating in the air.

It was the perfect atmosphere for a calm and comfortable morning. A cup of coffee in my hand and cuddled up next to Fukase while he would be scrolling through his social media. This sounded so familiar. However, it was not one of these days. Instead, my partner kept walking around in our bedroom, rummaging in the shelves for his belongings. I simply watched at the doorstep as he packed his suitcase in silence, not a single glance directed to me. It wasn't in a hasty way, as in throwing in random clothes, but a torturous slow way to pack your things. It was in a way he knew he needed all his nice clothes. After all, there were for sure soon new people he was about to meet up with.

There were all his white shirts for work, big sweaters for harsh winters and his almost unhealthy obsession in collecting scarves. All of this used to be so familiar to wear for myself as we liked to share our clothes for more convenience. Long ago this was the first step of separating our ways. Now it would be the final sign for it.

I didn't react to it though. My eyes just wandered through the room as fast as Fukase did. His movements were sharp, almost as if there was some inner grudge he kept to himself. I didn't want to question it. After all our fights, arguments and further discussions, I was simply too exhausted to go through another one. Even now, it was hard enough to keep in tears when recalling these times. I wouldn't want our last moment to end in that way. Me showing how weak and lost I am without the one I have spent half my life with. The one I devoted my lifestyle, job choice and mindset to...

I blinked harshly and focused back on Fukase. I couldn't let these memories dwell up too much now or else I really couldn't keep myself together. In the meantime, Fukase has almost finished packing up completely. He quickly scanned his luggage if he missed anything necessary and turned towards the door. For a second, our eyes locked and it seemed like this situation was only a terrible temporary solution, but as soon as Fukase lowered his head, my sudden hopes shattered.

Without having lived a single day merely by myself, I can already say I missed Fukase. The thought of him moving out has been going through my head for days already, but that was not enough preparation time for the real event. My emerging emotions were just too much to comprehend, and so I just hoped for them to not escalate.

I dearly wanted Fukase to not leave. While he has still been packing his bag, I imagined to stop him, tell him how much I didn't want him to leave. I wished to look him in the eye and see the worried look he always used to give me when I rambled these kind of phrases. But I was too afraid of a rejection. Not necessarily as an obvious reaction, but simply seeing his dull eyes would stab my heart enough. I knew I couldn't be ready for that, so I had to keep quiet.

There was not much to save with these words anymore anyway. This breakup wasnt a spontaneous idea. Both of us have sat through several tough conversations about it. In the end, it came to this conclusion. Breaking these plans now would only mean trouble. I wasn't devoted enough anymore to save everything completely, but it still hurt me to see Fukase go without saying anything, especially because for once, I was even uncertain of what was going through his head.

Fukase walked past me and along the hallway until he reached the front door. At this point, I expected him to simply leave without a word and break this relationship with silence completely. However, he halted. His hand moved only slowly to the door handle and as soon as he touched the cold metal, a cold shiver travelled down my spine. I couldn't make out what he was about to do, which made me extremely anxious.

"I expected you to say something," Fukase broke the silence with his raspy voice, showing how unsatisfying the last night in this house must have been. His head turned to me only slightly, but it still made me flinch in excitement. "You know...since you're more the sentimental type."

I faltered as these surprising words crushed the silence between us. However, as blunt as Fukase could get sometimes, maybe that was to expect.

I wanted to retort him a simple answer, but my emotions dwelled up too much. Suddenly there was so much in my head what my inner mind apparently wanted to throw after Fukase. So much frustration, love and despair for him has bottled up.

I smiled. I wanted to end this here without any somewhat triggering events, but I couldn't think straight at that moment. Some truth just had to escape me before the rest would be locked away inside of me completely.

"It's alright," I gulped and looked into his eyes that shimmered with a slight hint of surprise, "I guess by now, I'm just tired of begging you to love me."

Fukase didn't say anything after that. Both of us simply let silence take over the moment before Fukase pushed down the door handle and left me behind without any other reaction. I remained still, my arms crossed and my back leaned to the door, even though my shoulder already ached.

I expected a huge relief to overwhelm me once the door would be shut, but I was wrong. It wasn't any comforting as I anticipated. Instead, this suppressing silence remained, only that it solely had me now to target. I knew long before the following weeks would be no easy, but such a start to it didn't mean any good.

With a sigh, I hung my head. My long-lasting relationship with Fukase was finally over and it left me in a weird mix of coldness and longing. Maybe it really was for the best to end it now, is what I thought. How dearly I wished I had known better back then...