The Lost {Mikoto Suoh x Reader}

Chapter Six

Just to uhh..clarify..once more, this is a Xreader or umm..a reader insert story. So umm 😐 the protagonist is intended to be..yourself- the reader. That is all.

(Y/n) = your name
(H/c) = hair color
(H/l) = hair length
(F/c) = favorite color

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The first night spent above the bar was the longest night of my life. I never knew I would feel so vulnerable by not being in my apartment.

I laid and stared at the white, surprisingly clean, ceiling while I pondered on the fact that Mikoto had to have noticed all of those cigarettes.. There was no way he didn't, he isn't blind and the stench was very strong as they burned. 

He didn't say anything.

And he didn't ask about my relationship with my moms ex either. I would think that after all that had happened,  he would ask me.

Not that I wanted to answer him..

I groaned. My life was growing more and more complicated. For the longest time I had just pretended that I wasn't alone and that there wasn't a problem. 

Pretended I wasn't scared.

Maybe that was all I could do. Perhaps I mentally couldn't accept the fact that she was gone, or maybe it was just old habits. I had a pretty strict routine before my mom died. She had me getting her cigarettes at the same time every single day. If I said the pile of unopened cigarettes next to the unoccupied chair hadn't bothered me from time to time I would be lying. Especially when the nicotine started to smell on some of the older packs.. 

Why was no one smoking them? Mom always smoked one pack a day. 

I used to tell her that lung cancer was going to take her out, but little did I know it wouldn't be a disease..

Streams of hot water rolled down my cheeks. Tears.

Why though? Why was I crying? Wasn't it too late for any of that? Had I ever cried before? I couldn't remember. Probably not, because up until now I had pretended my mother was still sitting on the couch in that apartment, waiting for her cigarettes. I pretended I wasn't alone.

The room was dark and quiet. It was difficult to sleep in a new environment, even though I felt safe. I could hear the shower running just down the hall. I wasn't sure whom was using it, but it made me cautious to stay quiet when I really wanted to scream. I wanted to pull my hair out, literally. My chest was pounding and my head was aching. It hurt. Laying there and thinking about my own faults, or my own strange psychosis, hurt. 

I crawled under the thick comforter and pulled it just under my chin. What I really wanted was to sleep and then wake up from this continuous nightmare. Maybe wake up in a different reality where I had never met Mikoto or my moms ex, and I still had her. Back when it was just us and we were doing fine on our own.

Something about that thought seemed to hurt me even more. The thought of never having met Mikoto brought forth great discomfort. But why? Sure I had just met him only a few weeks prior, but he had been so good to me.. Why?

Why was he so good to me when he really didn't have to be? I mean, I really wasn't his problem to begin with and he made me his problem. Was it because of Yata?? Because he was dating my friend or because we were always so good to him at the bakery? I didn't get it.. 

I closed my eyes when they felt heavy. I guess I needed sleep, I was more tired than I had thought. The best thing about sleep is that you don't feel the pain anymore.. The tears disappear almost as quick as the ache in my chest. It was a huge relief, yet only temporary. Because in the morning it would begin again, only a new day.