š e j a n

6

šime was confused. and startled. and sad. and disappointed. and, and and...
words couldn't describe how he felt. he could've been heartbroken but how can you be heartbroken by someone you just realised you could potentionally like.

"o-oh, sorry," šime mumbled and got out of the room, quickly closing the door after him so he didn't have to look at that anymore.

in the midst of all the disappointment and sadness, he also felt kind of... relieved, in a way. in a weird and twisted way he felt lightweight for not having to discover himself and changr the way he had been for so many years. straight. that's what he was.

but what if he wasn't? what if dejan was the love of his life and that's why he could never have a girlfriend. he had one or two but they never really worked.

or maybe he just put too much thinking into it. the love of his life? oh please, he knew the guy for barely a month and spent most of the time avoiding him. there's no such thing as soulmates and love anymore.

he was searching for somewhere quiet, hoping that it would make him feel better. it was around 5 in the morning and he was sobering up. he ended up on the soccer field, aimlessly kicking the ball around, dribbling, balancing it and other tricks. ocassionally he would kick one in the net of the goal, just 'cause.

he lost track of how long he was there and what time it was when he got back into his dorm. dejan was asleep and the bimbo bitch wasn't there. šime breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't see her there.

then a thought entered his brain and provoked everything he believed to the point that he couldn't even lie still. it was saturday morning yet the only thing he could do was think about this one thing. what if, if he gave in to dejan, he just used him and tossed him aside, just like he did that girl and probably dozens more.

maybe he dodged a bullet there. but maybe he didn't.

-----

dejan called his long time sex buddy after screaming for some time. alicia was totally okay with being just a toy to dejan. after all, he was just a toy to her too.

but they also talked. always bitched to each other about absoluty everything and anything.

she was kind of surprised when he called since he didn't do so in a month. she didn't piece it together.

just as they were doing it, and just as dejan was thinking about šime being there and doing all these things to him - and then mentally slapping himself for it because what the fuck - šime entered the room, looking all enthusiastic, that look fell as soon as he saw what happened.

dejan would rather have someone punch him in the stomach repeatedly than seeing that look again.

šime closed the door and dejan and alicia continued doing what they were doing. alicia was displaying slutty behaviour, riding dejan shamelessly, enjoying herself every time he let out a low groan or a grunt, she probably orgasmed every time he moaned.

after they finished, she lay beside him for a while, both of them regaining their breaths, alicia's eyes still rolled to the back of her head in pleasure. "that. was the best sex i've ever had." she purred in delight.

'if only you knew' dejan sighed mentally. he felt kind of guilty. for everything he did and was going to do. he was still going to do what he intended. he wasn't sure why but he had to. even though he didn't want to. not even the slightest.

alicia left soon after to go to some party, leaving dejan to stare at the wall and think about where šime was at the moment, if he was okay and safe. he mumbled the words to "nije u šoldima sve" hoping that šime would somehow join him in a duet and everything would be okay. then he fell asleep.

-----

dejan woke up earlier, hoping that he would catch some time to practice before classes. he stumbled upon sleeping šime and sighed in relief.

he did his bussiness as quietly as possible, hoping he wouldn't disturb him so he didn't need to talk to him and could go back to avoiding him like he did just two days ago.

----

šime woke up sometime in the afternoon, cursing at himself for missing classes yet again, but thanking god he woke up just in time to get to practice.

he got ready, ate instead of showering because he was going to smell after practice anyway.

he got there just in time, but the atmosphere was different. everyone avoided him once again. when it was time for them to play actual soccer nobody passed him balls or even acknowledged he existed. he tried to steal some away but the players were ready to make fauls just so he doesn't get the ball.

after practice šime wanted to attempt making friends with the guys because this was just becoming ridiculous.

"h-hey guys," šime approached them, stumbling on his own words.

all of them, including dejan, turned around simultaneously, stopping the conversation. "what do you want?" dejan asked coldly.

šime gulped. "i was wondering," he started, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "if you wanted to hang out sometimes."

they all bursted out laughing histerically. "go back to where you came from, you scum!" dejan said through laughter. he didn't find it funny at all, even less when he saw the hurt expression on šime's face.

šime turned around and left. "go die you faggot!" were the last words he heard.

****

A/N:

ja, dok sam ovo pisala: * isplakala vodopade *
ja, dok vam ovo postam i cekam da procitate: * clicks tea cups with satan *