š e j a n

8

"i heard he left because he had like HIV and they didn't want him here anymore." one voice said.

"i heard he didn't really leave but killed himself." another said.

"i heard he left because he fell in love with another dude on campus and got expelled for it." the third voice said.

"oh shut up kyle, people don't get expelled anymore because they're gay. we support faggots now." a voice boomed with laughter.

dejan was confused. he heard people talk but could barely process what they were saying through his throbbing headache. who left? and why? he didn't really care.

school started and dejan couldn't focus on anything. anything people said at least. in his head, he had the thought of šime. that poor little guy that he only wanted to hold and cherish, but has caused so much harm to.

but he was determined to make it right. he was going to apologize tonight. and tell him he liked him.

he really hoped this would work.

-----

šime was home. he wasn't sure what time it was but he didn't care. all the tiredness and hunger crept up behind him but he gave no fucks because the only thing on his mind was his father.

how could he have gotten worse? how? he knew that it was going to, he just never really wanted to think about that.

his father had brain tumor in the front temperal lobe (uvod u anatomiju ti ovo ucini tbh). it was minor at first but then it progressed. his father forgot who he was most of the time they were talking on the phone. and he talked nonsense, cursed at everyone on impulse. šime knew it wasn't on purpose and that it was just the tumor talking.

but how could he let things like this go when they had no money to pay for the surgery. whenever his father was lucid, it made šime sad. because he knew that this was one of the last times he would see his father normal again.

he went straight home from the airport which means going from zagreb to rijeka because the airport in rijeka doesn't host international flights. one of his childhoof friends, marko, went to pick him up, thankfully.

a few hours later and they were at home, šime practically jumped out of the car and into his house, hugging his mother tightly. "i'm so glad you came home to us, my dear baby boy." she cried into his chest.

"i'm glad i'm home, too, mommy." šime sighed deeply, knowing he cannot cry. he must stay strong for his mom.

"do you want to see him? he was lucid a few moments ago." she asked and šime nodded.

she led him to the dark room, where he immediately saw his father laying in the bed. he was breathing heavily. the longer he was looking at his father, šime's heart broke more.

"dad?" šime sobbed, not letting tears come out.

"š-šime? is that you, son?" he asked, barely audible.

"dad i missed you so much!" šime sobbed some more, barely keeping it together.

-----

dejan could barely make it to the end of the classes for the day. he just wanted to find šime, apologize and tell him how he felt.

he didn't even want to think about rejection at this point. he hoped it wouldn't come to that.

the last class was dismissed and dejan ran to his and šime's shared dorm, hoping šime would be there and not out.

he bursted through the door hoping he would see šime sitting there on his bed wearing glasses and reading like he has many times, but was instead met by an empty room. and an empty bed. and an opened empty closet. wait what? did he move out of the room? or did he? oh no, he didn't leave the college, right?

panic took over dejan, he started shaking with nervousness. goddamn, did he scare him all the way back to croatia? why did he do that?

"jebote!" he punched the nearest wall, trying to think of other reasons why šime wouldn't be living in this dorm anymore.

but there's only so many reasons until dejan's mind came back to the initial one. dejan scared šime away.

*****

A/N:

ZNAM da je ovo depresija al bare w/ me bit ce sve gucci