Old Ways - A Demi Lovato Fanfiction

Chapter 6 - Regret

Demi's Pov

After I had finished my breakfast I got up and placed the bowl in the sink; then came back and sat down next to Olivia.

"I'm sorry" I simply said

"Sorry for what?" she asked

"For last night" I replied "I know I shouldn't have gone out"

"Demi..." Olivia said as she turned to look at me. "It wasn't the fact that you went out, it was where you went and what happened. Drinking alcohol is never good in pregnancy and can seriously harm the baby" she continued "You also need to think, are those friends you hang out with, really friends?"

I gave this some thought, "I guess they're not" I replied "If they were friends, I guess they would have respected my decision not to drink"

"That's right" she smiled "If they were friends they would have at least asked why you didn't want to drink. Regardless of whether or not you told them, they would still respect your decision not to drink"

"I see what you mean" I replied

"People come and go. Just because you've formed a relationship with them and have thought they were friends, you can always change your mind. It doesn't matter how long you've been friends; if they are toxic people in your life, you don't need them"

Olivia had some wise words. Part of me didn't want to let go of the people that I've known and have been hanging out with for so long. But, this pregnancy has opened my eyes to the fact that what I was doing wasn't healthy. 

I have Olivia to thank for staying by my side through everything. She hasn't left me despite my heavy drinking and partying, and despite the fact that I became pregnant not knowing who the father is.

The past 8 weeks have gone really quickly because for half of it I didn't even know I was pregnant; but recently I feel like the pregnancy is obvious.

"Is it obvious that I'm pregnant?" I asked Olivia as we sat on the couch together.

"I don't think so, why?" she replied

"Because I feel really bloated and sick and I hate it"

"Demi, I know you've had a hard time accepting who you are but you need to try to put those feelings to one side right now and think about the miracle that's happening"

"The thought of something growing inside me, it freaks me out" I said "And the thought of the pain I'll have to go through, that scares me"

"I think you need to bring yourself back to the here and now" Olivia said as she went and held my hand "Think about what's happening now and try not to look too far into the future" she suggested

"Yeah, I can try. But the fact that I'll have to go through lots of pain will always be on my mind" I replied, now breathing fast

"Try to calm down Demi, slow your breathing" Olivia said as she held my hand a little tighter

The hold was reassuring and after a while Olivia managed to calm me down enough for us to get off the couch.

She helped me to wash up my bowl by drying it up and placing it back in the cupboard for me. I still feel a sense of regret for going out last night. I knew it wasn't right but I still went out and then I came back having drunk some alcohol. I remembered how upset Olivia was after finding out that I had been drinking. I hated upsetting Olivia because I really love her and despite my family not liking my bisexuality, I didn't care, love is love.

It's times like this when I remember how life was before I met Olivia. It was pretty boring and I was confused about where my life was leading. That's why I turned to the drink, because I didn't see much point. But then one of my friends that I don't see much introduced me to Olivia and we fell in love. 

The moments I spend with Olivia I cherish and although I may not show it sometimes, I really do appreciate everything she's done and is doing for me. This pregnancy has shown me that I wasn't looking after myself and although I hate the thought of being pregnant, I think that with time I might come round to the idea. 

The rest of the day we lounged around and didn't do much. We didn't have a lot to do so we mainly watched TV and a movie but we also did a little bit of housework.

We got into bed that night and Olivia was falling asleep but I couldn't get comfortable. I kept tossing and turning as I used to sleep on my stomach but now it was slightly swollen and I knew I was pregnant, I couldn't do that.

I finally managed to get to sleep but woke up several times and begun to wonder about how sleeping would be when I was in the later stages of my pregnancy or once the baby was here if I decided to keep it. The thought of giving the baby away begun to feel somewhat wrong but I still wasn't sure if I was ready and capable of raising a baby.