Trap Queen.

25♛

                                        C H A P T E R - 2 5

      Damn, I never thought I’d be in this position again. Here I am, on the corner of my street doing what I started in the beginning; selling dope. I never thought I would have to do this again, but since I don’t have no job, I don’t got no choice. Reggie was the one who taught me how to sell drugs and how much to charge for a gram. He told me about all the stoners and crackheads that would pay you for any type of drug — no matter the price.

     Tonight, I was doing a hell of a lot better than I expected. I was the only one on the block selling tonight, so all the business was coming straight to me. I kept a close eye on the police, though. I don’t need another potential charge.

      A guy in a black hoodie approached me with a smile on his face. He might have been high already and just came by to get some more weed. “What you got?” He asks me, checking behind him in case anyone’s watching.

     “I got the white and loud. Everything else is sold out tonight,” I tell him.

      “Let me get a kilo and a gram,” He requests. He holds out a one hundred dollar bill and I take it. We exchange what we both needed, and the dude was on his way. “Aye, ain’t your name Egypt?” He asks, before fully walking away.

      “Yeah,” I reply simply. He nods his head and walks off. It seemed like a little bit of everybody knew me nowadays. It made me paranoid cuz I was feeling like everybody in the hood knew I murdered the little girl and Dante. That shit ate me alive everyday, and I couldn’t forget about it. It was as if God was punishing me for sinning. My momma told me that God don’t punish no one, but it seemed like that was the case now.

      I waited for about fifteen minutes outside. It was pitch black out, and I knew I should’ve been making my way home anyway. In Compton, it wasn’t safe to be outside late. In any city, really. Bad things happen after dark.

      As I stood by the pole for a last few minutes, I saw a black Yukon approach with tinted windows. Damn, it looked just like Dante’s old car. It was like a flashback that was weird as hell. I couldn’t even lie, that shit scared me. 

     I see the door open, and Serena gets out of the car. She looked just like she got done prostituting. Both of her eyes were still black, and her lip was still busted. She looked pretty beaten up still. Shit, I was really holding myself back from beating her ass again. She approaches me, and I give her and stink look.

    “What the fuck do you want? You better get away from me,” I warn her. “You know what happened last time.” Serena acts like she didn’t hear what I said at all.

      “I just want to talk,” she says, as if nothing is wrong. “I know what I did was wrong, Egypt. I just let my conscience get the best of me, and I’m sorry.” Serena apologizing doesn’t phase me. I don’t care at all. I just stare at her blankly, waiting for her to get the damn point and go away.

     “So?” I ask her with an attitude.

      “You don’t forgive me?” She questions, as if she’s surprised. I roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out of my head. This girl had a lot of living to do. Serena had no idea that once you do something like she did, people don’t become cool with each other that easily.

     “Serena, just go somewhere. I don’t even want to speak to you,” I assert. I walk away from here, hoping then she’d just leave me the fuck alone. When it came to Serena, I didn’t even care about her. Or her baby. I just didn’t anymore. I could be rotting in jail for the rest of my life because of her dumbass.

     “Egypt, please. . . I don’t have anywhere else to go. No one will take me in,” Serena sounds like she’s trying not to cry or some shit. I ignore her. She put this shit all on herself and now she’s paying for it. Family don’t snitch on family. If she was really my friend, she wouldn’t snitched on Reggie, Rah, and me. 

      “Go the fuck away!” I scream, turning around to face her. By the look on her face I could tell she was about to cry again. Now that shit was so annoying and played out. Serena always wanted to cry about every damn thing. “If you don’t take back what you told the police, I don’t want nothing to do with your ass. Period.”

    I ran away from Serena, trying to prevent her from catching up with me again. 

    ---------------------------------------------

      “Damn Egypt, it must suck to lose yo’ momma to the streets,” Cairo says to me. “I’m thankful my mom is still here. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Losing her would unimaginable.” Today, I decided to have my mom’s body shipped down to the heart of the city to be cremated. L.A.P.D suggested I not do it because it would ruin all evidence, but I didn’t care about the case anymore. I had too much to think about right now, and if I could keep my momma in a box that I keep with me at all times, that would be good enough for me. I don’t give a fuck who killed her. I wanted peace in my mind.

     “I know. I try not to think about it sometimes, but that shit just sticks in my head,” I explain. “I wonder what it’d be like if she was still here, though.”

     “That’s normal. One of these days you’ll be okay and it won’t be so heavy on your brain,” Cairo assures. “I’m pretty sure your momma would be proud of anything you do and any decision you make in the future.” I doubt that. My mom would beat my ass if she figured out the shit I’m doing. My mom never wanted me to get involved with this street shit. It woulda been a better idea if I just would’ve listened to her instead of being so damn hard headed. That’s why you should listen to your parents. They probably know better than you.

     My dad stayed quiet our entire ride. I honestly didn’t know how he felt about my momma no more. I wasn’t sure if he had some type of hate for her, or he loved her in a crazy way. I wouldn’t ask him though — it was already too soon.

     My father parked in a parking spot close to the crematorium. I felt myself wanting to cry already, but I kept it together. It kind of felt like my momma was dying all over again. I missed her, but I had to let her go; to the streets.

     For today, I got fancier than usual. I was wearing a pantsuit with heels. I flat ironed my hair and it was pulled back into a ponytail. Cairo and my father dressed casually, though. I wasn’t surprised. I don’t think Cairo even knew my mom, so he didn’t feel the need to dress up.

     When we walked into the crematorium, my mother’s body was already there. Since we were the only family in California, no one else showed up to the cremation. Right now, I was feeling overwhelmed. Now I’m going to officially have to get used to and accept the fact that my mom’s not here anymore. It was hard. Everyday I used to wake up and see her — she’d be making me breakfast and some shit, and now I would be living in a different place without her.

     The people lifted my mom’s body into the furnace, and shut the door on it. I swallowed hard and tried not to cry, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I kept my feelings bottled up inside for too long. I’m not a savage like Reggie and Rah. They’re so easily unaffected by deaths. . . and I wish I could be more like them. But right now, I just lost my momma.

     The person most important to me.