Brainwashed hodophile

Need

I don't want to be the name on your blocked list, neither do I want to be forgotten.

I don't want to be a phase in your life, or your flavour of the month.

I don't want to be the forgotten smudge of a footprint on the sand
in your garden.

I want to be the dried rose petal you keep between the classic tired books, I want to be the handwritten letter you keep under your pillow... holding it close, searching for warmth.

I want to be the pearls of the broken necklace , you hide in your collection...
the mystery behind every smile of your's.

I want to be the sweatshirt that carries your fragrance, the blanket that keeps you warm.

I want to be the reason behind your bright days, I want to be the muse, someone you think about on your lonely nights.

I want to be the girl in your story that you fondly tell your friends in starry light.

I want to be the art on walls of the streets you roam, I want be the midnight before new year's day.... the end and the beginning .

why do i want you to want me even more when I don't want you at all? ......or do I, yet today stepping out of your door, I wonder, if I need you? or do I want you?
or is it just convincing myself to back off from yet another heartbreak, as I never get what I "want", but don't I deserve what I "need".