crestal downfalls [ shingeki no kyojin ]

⌜ one ⌟

⌜ one ⌟

though she seeks for such refuge,
that, a wish by heart shan't be fulfilled

— x —

THE WORLD AROUND HER is in tragic collision with the world that besieges hollow thoughts. Above her are dark blues seeping into warm oranges and reds, the faint spots of gold scattered around the skies signifying the setting of the dimming sun. It's a sight meant to be marvelled at, but her mind is coloured by a myriad of hues that are far from the mellow tints and tones embracing the skyward stretch of atmosphere.

Because her thoughts are adorned by a sickening shade of black, in contrast to the beauty of shattered tinctures up above. No, the lack of emotions portrayed within her timid self could never be compared to such vibrancy, and though Astera knows this for a fact, it's certainly something she could afford to care less about.

Still she traverses the journey back to the only place she can ever consider home, with the usual silent treatment towards all other travellers who walk past her figure, ever aware that despite her blank countenance, she must not let herself be detached from the world around her. She knows she must try not to delve into the world set together by her own mind that is brought astray from reality. She knows, but does not do anything about the thoughts that go as swiftly as they come through that same distracted mind.

They will go away eventually, after all. Astera is used to those evanescent thoughts. They befall upon her most of the time, whenever she is left alone to her own devices. The scenarios and happenings that take place inside of her head — they will all fade away sooner or later, and so putting an effort into focusing on the reality before her wouldn't do much, if only so she could not be tempted to pay heed to those useless thoughts.

She'd be lying if she said there weren't times she ends up second-guessing herself, however. Am I right in believing these are simply 'useless' thoughts I can just dismiss whenever I feel like it? Occasionally, the thoughts would dig painfully deep into her heart, as though hitting close to home, as though they were of some significance to her that she has yet to realize, and more particularly, as though they were memories from her childhood past.

But that doesn't make sense, does it? If they truly were hitting close to home, she would know why they were even there in the first place, but she doesn't know why. If they truly were of some significance to her, she wouldn't possibly dare to think of them as 'useless', no matter how much she longs to disregard them. If they truly were memories from her childhood past, surely she should remember even a measly bit of those memories, but she doesn't — she can't remember, at all. Why can't she remember? Is there something she's missing here..?