The Misfortunate//b.barnes

o.4

"A part of me still believed that the sun rose and set with her"

-Jeff Gillooly

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"Hey," He started, looking at me with a hint of glitter in his eyes. He smiled and look down as I quickly snapped out of his mesmerizing eyes.

  "Yes?" I asked, rudeness weeping through my words. The words stung me as I had no intention of being rude. "I wanted to ask Nat if she would be my date," he said, looking down again, hands fiddling with each other. I stepped aside and waited for her answer as she bit her lip, holding back a smile.

  "Yeah, I would love to," she spoke with grace, looking up at him and making eye contact. He looked at her and forced a smile onto his face and glanced down at me. Our eyes connected for a second before I quickly looked down.

  "Well, you asked so there's no reason for you to be here, bye, we have to finish getting ready," I said, forcing the words out of my mouth as to hurt him, distance myself.

  I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn't have been doing it. But the fact was when you see Bucky and Natasha making out, it's not in your best interest to watch. I mean nevertheless, I knew one way or another someone was going to get hurt, I guess this was my way of masking the pain. Our lips continued to meld together, not being able to find it in me to pull away. The picture of the two kissing was burned in my memory and no matter who I kissed, my memory forever scarred. 

  I pulled back and looked into his bright blue eyes, searching for something there that showed it meant as much to him as it did to me, to which it meant nothing. I found a spark in his eyes that I refused to acknowledge. "Lee, that was amazing, you don't know how long I've been wanting to do that," He said, a smile framing his face as we leaned our foreheads against each other. I diverted my eyes in another direction, not wanting to deal with the pain of hurting my friend. I looked around his room, a room I had become all too familiar with. I closed my eyes and that image was burned to the front of my brain. I leaned forward instinctively, trying to erase the pain of all of it. He kissed back and I felt him lean me against the door of his room. I forced my hands to go to his hair and pull him closer. I felt a feeling in my gut, knowing this meant more to him than it ever will for me. 

  As I recall the quote going, "It's easier to be with someone you can't love than to admit you love someone you can't have" That played over and over in my brain right alongside Bucky and Natasha as the night went on. We spent the night together doing things I'd rather go unsaid for the sake of everyone involved but it felt wrong. As I laid there, the warmth radiating off of his body I thought back on everything. I felt tears slowly stream down my face as I cried slightly, trying to mask the noise for his sake. I turned, cuddling into him and he wrapped his arms around me. 

  The next morning I woke up in his room and I looked around for him, taking off the blanket but soon realizing I had nothing on other than one of his shirts. I looked around and saw our clothes scattered around the room and I groaned, picking up one of his pajama bottoms. I walked out of his room, another groan falling from my mouth and my hand finding its way to my tired eyes.

  "Lee? Why are you wearing Steve's clothes?" I heard Tony ask. A pit of shame arose in me and a thick layer of red-coated my cheeks. "I stayed in his room last night and was too lazy to get clothes from my room so I borrowed his," I rambled out, playing with the hem of the shirt. "Yeah, because changing clothes can cause people to moan fairly loudly," I heard Bucky mumble, chowing down on his cereal glumly. I turned to him as he sent a glare my way and I quickly ignored it.