"You're stupid"
"You're unworthy"
"No one cares about you"
"You're a pain in the ass"
"Why are you still here?!"
"You should get lost!"
Their words continuously cut me like a sharp blade. But i don't really mind them that much though, since i keep hearing those words, i think i got immune. But sometimes it does hit me. That i'm worthless. I'm undeserving of everything. I'm lucky to be even alive.
No.
The real question is that why am i still alive?
Then i came up with a brilliant idea. I think my best one yet, since i'm just a piece of shit. I thought of a solution to ease all this pain. To remove the needles stuck around my body, waiting for me to give up. Or the gun pressing hard against my chest, aiming for my heart. That part of my body that's uglier than anything else. The one that's been abused the most. I wanted to end this. I need to end everything.
I'll enjoy the rest of my days here on Earth. A place where people take their first breath and have their last. So maybe, just maybe if i'd be gone, their lives won't be a wreck anymore. Annoying little Ash won't be there to ruin people's lives. I can't wait for my suffering to end. I want peace, to go somewhere that instead of people yelling at me and torturing me with their words, i would hear angels singing and the heavens dancing aroun right before my eyes.
I don't want to call it 'death' but instead, 'life'. Because being released from this filthy place is like heaven to me, and i would finally be living the life i've always desired. And ever since i was born, i already felt dead. That's what people wanted to happen to me anyways. Maybe if i die, i would be erased from people's memories, i won't be on people's mouths anymore. So on the day i was born, i'll grant my wish. I will escape my problems and all the bothers. To feel alive and be gone from this hell. And this is my death wish.
