Catharsis

Number 2~ I don't want you to go

I feel that a lot of people forget that heartbreak can lead to obsession.

Standing on the edge of the cliff, my sylphlike body sways with the stormy winds, too fragile and exhausted to fight. I gaze down at the violent waves crashing below, each wave struggling for dominance. My mind is still, void of thought. Yet my heart hammers against my breastbone, louder than a clap of thunder. One minute I was lying in my hospital bed, until I closed my eyes... and now I'm here.

Why have you brought me here? You know I can no longer stand the thought of this place! The place where we selfishly sucked in the life of the sea air, bathed in the sparkling azure gems that soaked our skin and clothes as we ran across golden sand. We tumble, I fall onto your soft skin, your lips open slightly as I stare into your teasing eyes...

NO! NO! STOP IT! STOP IT! Do not even try to taunt me with those memories. The snapshots of happiness I treasured and played again over and over in my mind. Now, tears sting my eyes as they flash by. I wish I could throw them into the sea below me, but I can't- believe me I've tried. I would happily have scattered my brains across the sand if it meant I could forget it all, but you would not let me. I can't whilst the remnants of how you loved me still lingers here, whisking me to a different place every time I so much as blink. In life, you always took me to some kind of crazy adventure, but now you are gone like the ghost of another woman's heart who kept you safe in there. You always seemed to wrap me in your endless cloths of fantasies, why do you still continue to do so in death?

At night, I used to look up to the stars, the moon and the inky sky that promised everlasting peace and coaxed me to sleep. Now, I am plagued with your whispers, your voice, your image and the life we had take shape in front of me. Tired and beaten down, I press my hand to my ears to try and block you out. My eyes resist to squeezing shut, lest you dare try to kidnap me and catapult me into your pathetic surreal land of make-believe. Beyond the plane of living. Yet even when I am sure you're gone, my soul is stricken with a dreadful fear and I sob uncontrollably at the thought that I may never have a good night's sleep again. Sometimes I don't know if you're real, or just part of my own madness. Tell me the truth, and let me go.

I want you to go... and yet, I don't. Why do you still haunt me. What do you want from me? Whatever it is, take it! I don't care anymore! I just want to be free and live in a world with no more darkness, no more memories, no more you.