I experienced divine intervention the other day. I came home from work, and sitting at the foot of my bed was my guardian angel. He asked me what I planned on doing if he wasn't there. I said, "I was going to take a shower."
"What would you do in the shower?" he asked.
"I don't know. Think about things. I usually do that in the shower,” I answered.
"Think about naked girls?"
"No. Well, I don't know. If it happens, it happens."
"Gonna touch yourself in the shower?"
"Yeah, I have to lather up somehow."
"You think you're so funny."
"No… well, sometimes."
"You're full of yourself, Dan."
"Daniel."
"What?"
"It's Daniel. Not Dan."
"How 'bout I just call you prick?"
"I don't like that," I said. "It's mean."
"Mean, huh."
"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm going to go take that shower now. You sticking around?"
"I came here to talk."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I want to talk about you."
"What about me?"
"I haven't been able to do my job for a long time, and that's a problem."
"What? You haven't been guarding me?"
"I have, but… I don't really need to guard you from anything because you don't do anything."
"I can't not do nothing. It's not possible."
"You know what I mean! You know, you're being a smart aleck as a defense mechanism because you're hurting inside."
"You’re calling me names to shield yourself from your inner sadness."
My guardian sighed then said, "You don't go out there. You don't take risks. You don't enjoy yourself. I don't mean to be trite, but you're not living life to the fullest." My guardian angel put his hand on my knee when he said, "You only have one life to live. Do you really want to live it the way you've been living it?" He left his hand on my knee for about four seconds. It was kind of awkward, but I didn't say anything because that would make things more awkward.
"I'm pretty okay with how things are," I told him.
"I don't believe that," he said, putting his hand on my knee again.
"I am though. I'm not sad or angry with anyone."
"That doesn't mean everything's okay. What did you plan on doing today?"
