Believer || Bucky Barnes

1. Moving along

"Been thinking about you lots lately, have you been eating breakfast alone like me?....oh I'm moving along" - Moving along - 5 seconds of summer

Alex
It began as a whisper in the air. The day had been beautiful and the sky was like a dome of plasma blue like any other summer day in Queens. The clouds looked like airy smudges of white paint drifting slowly under the gleaming sun.
My black vans padded along the hot tarmac as I leave Delmars deli-grocery shop with a freshly made club sandwich, a bottle of Lipton tea and a packet of gummy worms.  'Best sandwiches in queens" the sign in the deli read. Hope they're right because I'm starving. I walk down the street slowly, my earphones drowning out the buzzing chatter of the crowds and the humming of car engines and taxis. A sudden warm huffing wind rose up and blew my freshly dyed blonde hair out of my face. I slowed my pace and felt a small cold needle hit my face. Soon the first pearls of rain started to patter on the pavement and trickle down dirty window Panes. People started picking up their paces, opening up umbrellas like sun flowers blooming in the summer and dashing into stores and doorways to take shelter from the sheet of rain that only intensified as the seconds pass. I throw up my navy blue hood and zip it up half way to preserve my body heat and keep me dry, although the thin cotton wasn't going to be much use against the water that lashed at me. I duck my head down and pick up my pace, my apartment is just around the corner, I should be home any second now.
Well I should've been.
"Alex?" A voice chirps over my earphones and I immediately want to curl up into a ball and lie on the wet concrete and wait for the sweet, warm embrace of death.
I screech to a halt, squeezing my eyes shut and scrubbing my face up. The voice was easy to recognise and it's the only voice I've been trying to avoid.
"Damon, hi" I grin in fake happiness as I spin on my heels to face the soaked tall man.
He had his usual shit eating grin on his face and looked absolutely ecstatic to see me. If only it were the same for me.
"Oh my god it's been so long" He steps towards me and wraps me in a tight hug, my body tenses up as I hesitantly wrap one arm around him.
"Wow you look great, the blonde hair really suites you"
"Thank you, thought I needed a change of scenery." I say trying to at least sound slightly interested in Damon.
"Want to grab some coffee? Get out the rain?" He asks, nodding his head in the direction of the small coffee shop behind me.
I sigh inwardly, "sure"
Damon bounds in front of me and swings open the paint chipped wooden door to the coffee shop. He gestures for me to go in first so I did. The warmth of the quiet café engulfed me, greeting me like an old friend. There were a few tables occupied by older people having light chatter over a steaming cup of freshly brewed black coffee and two girls behind the counter talking quietly amongst themselves.
"Do you want your usual?" Damon asks closing the door behind him.
I nod my head. I don't even know what my usual is. I don't remember.
"I'll go save us a table" I suggest before scanning the café. It was quite cute. The walls were painted an off cream colour and the floor was dark old wood that creeks at the slightest movement. The biggest wall was painted a warm burgundy colour with gold panelling, golden sconces lined along all the walls casting a soft warm glow in everything. The burgundy wall was covered in old stained mirrors and picture frames that held old black and white photos of people and buildings. The tables and chairs were all odd and mismatched but all seeming to flow together cohesively, the quilted  cushions on the dark wooden chairs varied from emerald green, deep red and navy blue. There was a small book shelf in one Corner if the room and the whole shop seemed to be littered in old antique trinkets like taxidermy butterfly's in glass boxes or golden telescopes and globes.
I locate a seat in the corner of the room, the furthest away from people and a place where I can see the whole plan of the shop. It's a paranoid habit I have now, I need to be able to see the entire room and all exits and windows. I sit with my back against the wall in the wobbly wooden chair and fiddle around with the small basket that contained napkins,sugar, sweeteners, small plastic cartons of milk and wooden sticks for stirring drinks. My cold hands grab one of the napkins and I pull the black biro pen from my pocket and note down the name of this coffee shop, 'the humming bird house', before I zone out and stare intently at the dents and grooves in the old wooden table. That's also become another habit I do now, I zone out at any given choice and my mind wanders off to La La land.
"Here you go" Damon's voice pulls me out of my trance by placing down a white ceramic mug in front of me.
"Thank you" I smile at him as he sits down opposite me.
I unzip my hoodie and slip the wet material off my body and hang it over the back of my chair. My hands immediately go to adjust my messy mop of locks.
"How have you been?" He asks, his eyes scanning my face like he was connecting all the freckles on my face together with his pupils.
How do I answer a question like that? I haven't slept in days, I have intense flash backs and paranoia, I'm crippled with anxiety and Loneliness and I don't have a single flying clue as to who the fuck I am.
"Better" is all is say.
"Better? Better how?"
"Better as in I haven't killed anyone for a while and you're officially the first person I've spoke to in a week." I mumble, picking up my mug and blowing on the drink. I still don't know what this is.
"Well that's good...I guess?" Damon responds watching me as I sip the drink and scold my mouth, my face screwing up at the bitter drink.
"It's an improvement" I put the drink down and grab for the sugar, "how are you? How's things with you and felicity?" I ask, pouring in two sachets Of sugar into the drink and stirring it with one of the wooden stirrers. It was flooding back to me like second nature, it's a cup of tea, two sugars and milk. I pick up my pen again and quickly scrawl 'tea, two sugars and milk' onto the napkin I previously wrote on. That's also another habit I now have, whenever I remember anything in the slightest I have to write it down because I'm so scared I'll forget again.
"Actually..." he trails up and holds his hand up as I sip the drink again, this time not burning myself and actually enjoying the taste of tea leaves.
My eyes dart to the silver engagement band wrapped around his ring finger. I gasp and inhale the beverage causing me to start coughing profusely and pulling a lot of unwanted attention to myself from the disapproving elders at the other end of the shop.
"Engaged?" I gasp and grin brightly at Damon.
"Yeah I proposed to her a year ago but we've been holding back the wedding until... we'll until we had you back for good" he says in a low voice and I feel a sudden pang in my heart. I'm not jealous or envious of Damon for proposing to felicity, good for them, they're great for each other and make one another happy. It's just, that could've been me by now, I could've been married and possibly expecting a child by now if everything hadn't gone tits up.
"Wow that's amazing, when's the wedding?" I grin, resting my elbows on the table and leaning forward.
Damon's bright blue eyes light up, "in a couple of weeks, will you be there?"
I roll my eyes, "what kind of question is that Damon? Of course! I'm so excited, message me all the details yeah?"
"Oh Uhm I don't have your number or anything" Damon clears his throat and looks away awkwardly.
"Oh shit, sorry" I mumble picking up my pen once again and scrawling my new phone number on the napkin I was previously writing it on and sliding it over the table to him.
He unlocks his phone and scans the napkin.
"What's all this writing?" He hums as he types away on his phone.
"Oh Uhm...I cant remember anything" I mumble, my face Heating up as I look down in embarrassment.
"Oh yeah...right I forgot" Damon mumbles before putting his phone down.
I chuckle lightly, "yeah so do I"
He smiled and shakes his head "I've sent you message so you can add my number" as Damon says as I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.
I pull my phone out of my jean pocket along with the tangle of earphones. I place the jumbled up wire in the table and Damon automatically reaches over and takes the white ball in his hands and begins to fiddle and untangle them. That was always something he was good at and something he always did when he was bored or nervous. His hands always had to be doing something.
I tap on my shattered phone screen and see a text message from a number that said 'hi :)' which makes me smile lightly.
My smile quickly falters at the notification below the message.
'WHIH newsfront: BREAKING, the devastating altercations at Lagos and what this could mean for the avengers' 2 minutes ago.
My eyes widen as I read the words. I swipe on the notification and read the article. Rogers, Wanda, Nat and Sam were on a mission in Lagos, Nigeria and something went wrong and now 11 Wakandans are dead and more fatality numbers are rolling in. There's a massive outrage all over the news headlines on wether superheroes should be allowed to continue working like we do.
"Damon I've got to go" I gasp standing up, my chair scraping behind me.
"What?" Damon asks raising his eyebrows.
"Something gone wrong and I need to go" I mumble putting my hoodie back in and shoving my phone, earphones and napkin back into my jeans pocket.
"What? Why?" Damon asks standing up.
"Watch the news when you get home" I rush, stepping out from the table.
Damon grabs my wrist, "wait do you have to now?"
"Yes Damon, now let go of me" I hiss ripping my hand away from his grasp.
"Sorry" he mumbles.
"Now, do you need a ride home?" I ask.
"What?"
"It's a yes or no answer" I snap.
"Y-yes" Damon nods.
"Right" I fling my hands up sharply and my whole body tingles as a wave of nausea washes over me. My skin turns pale and cold and my hair turns to a a silver colour, my hands glowing purple and blue. If I wasn't drawing attention to myself before I sure am now.
"Off you pop" I grin at Damon as I flick my hand at the space in front of me. The air was ripped open by a galaxy coloured gash, the whole café halted to a stand still as all eyes were on us.
Damon stares at the portal in front of him and his face twists up. Right I forgot he doesn't like this sort of stuff.
"I'll message you when everything's sorted it was nice chatting but I really must go" I say as I press my hands on his shoulder and push him towards to portal.
"You'll feel sick for a little bit but it's normal, bye-bye" I push Damon through the portal and close it with another flick of my hand. Behind the portal was a bunch of mortified faces.
I smile awkwardly at everyone then turn to look at the baristas.
"Thanks for the tea" I smile at the blonde girl behind the counter who just stared wide eyed with her jaw clenched. She clearly wasn't a fan.
I flick my wrist again and another portal opens and I gracefully step through it.
"What is going on" I bark as I enter the dining area of the new avengers head quarters.
"Oh so nice if you to make an appearance, it's only been oh I don't know 4 months since I've last heard from you" Tony Stark's beautifully snarky voice fills my ears and makes my heart flutter, oh how I've missed that asshole.
"I've been busy" I huff pacing towards him.
He was sat on the red leather dining table chairs nursing a glass of whiskey and reading some mission files, some AC/DC softly plays from the built in speakers that are scattered all over the building.
He gets up from his seat and immediately pulls me in a hug, I nearly had a stroke. Tony stark showing affecting? He must be feeling unwell.
"I always forget I have you back" he mumbles pulling out of the hug and smiling softly at me the light behind his eyes glimmering, he looked hopeful and happy for once. He clearly isn't aware of what just happened in Nigeria.
"What brings you here?"
"Have you not heard?" I ask sitting down at the chair next to his.
I rotate both my wrists and my whole body tingles again, my skin returning to its usual tanned shade and my shake reverting back to blonde.
He stares at me for a second, judging my hair, before speaking again, "no what?"
"Caps mission in Lagos, it's gone wrong"
"What do you mean 'wrong'?...F.R.I.D.A.Y show me news on the avengers" he states, a holographic screen appears from the small hole in front of him on the table.
The newsfront channel appeared, reporting in Lagos, it displayed a building with a lot of smoke and ash erupting from the side of it like a volcano had erupted inside of it, the streets were absolute chaos, people running and fleeing, terror and fear striking there faces. The fatality rate has risen, no one is happy with the avengers.
Me and Tony watch silently taking in the scene displayed. He sighs and placed his head in his hands before rubbing his face.
"It's bad" I mumble, listening to the news presenter debating with another what should happen to the avengers now, mentioning the devastation that The battle of New York and sokovia caused. Are we doing more bad then good?
"That hair colour, it suites you" Tony sighs slouching back in his chair.
"Thanks, I was sick of people noticing me in public, I just want to get on with life you know" I huff leaning my elbow on the table and resting my chin in the palm of my hand.
"How are you doing then?"
That's the second time today someone has asked me that. Why are people so bothered.
"Better" I repeat my answer that I responded to Damon with.
I'm not lying when I say I am doing better but I'm not telling the truth either. If I'm being honest, I don't know if I am doing much better. I mean I'm remembering stuff and in settling back into New York again but I still sleep walk and dream horrific things and have flashbacks triggered by random noises, smells and touch. I lie awake at night in constant paranoia, a simple noise like the walls breathing in the dead of the night freaks me the hell out and I immediately think it's Hydra, that they've found me, or it's someone I've hurt or hurt their family and they're here to carry out their vendetta. I always wind up knocking on my neighbours door at 3 am in a fit of sobs. My neighbours doesn't care though, they're very understanding and know what happened to me, they practically expect to hear my muffled screams in my sleep and my frantic 3 am knocking. I've spent so many nights asleep on their couch just because I'm too damn scared to sleep on my own. They're a young couple, a young couple that's expecting a baby, Sam and Ruby. I feel so bad for intruding on them, poor Ruby really doesn't need the stress of having an ex assassin and avengers crying on her door step in the dead of night. Sam is usually the one who tends to my shaking self, letting Ruby sleep. Sam was tall and I mean tall like 6,5' tall. He's intimidating at first but he's a softy really, massive book worm and very soft and cuddly, I can see why Ruby likes him, he's so excited about the baby coming, he acts like an excited puppy whenever the baby kicks. As for Ruby she's shorter and lot more colder, Sam said it's because she's been through a lot but she's normally really friendly and kind once she gets to know someone. I believe him, I wouldn't be nice to strangers anymore after the shit strangers have put me through.
After the whole voronkov incident, I got settled into a flat in queens and quit the avengers temporarily, me and Steve didn't last but who expected us too? We were built to fall apart. I'm the one who ended it but that's only because I needed space, a relationship is the last of my worries right now. Bucky went missing again a couple of days after we were back in the hands of the avengers, it was his own doing, he left Steve a note but didn't specify where he was going, he could be anywhere right now, he could be back in the hands of Hydra. Bucky and I didn't speak to each other for the short amount of time we had left together after voronkov, we just had nothing left to say too each other. We had suffered a lot together and he hurt me and I hurt him, that's all we did to each other. I don't want to sound harsh but it was like a breath of fresh air when I left Steve and Bucky got out of my hair. I felt like I could just finally be me on my own and find who I am again. But I do miss them immensely, I haven't heard from the pair of war buddies in 6 months. As much as I enjoy being alone, I do not enjoy being lonely and that's all I've been feeling for the past couple of weeks. I didn't need to come here to the avengers headquarters after I found out about Lagos but I missed tony a lot and the rest of the avengers. I also feel like I'm about to be dragged into something a lot bigger then me and tony can handle.

"You found a new assistant yet?" I ask reaching over the table and grabbing Tony's whiskey.
He shakes his head, "no, no one can compare to you, pepper and Romanoff"
"Preach to that" I smile raising Tony's whiskey glass and sipping the amber liquid, my throat tingling and my body burning from the alcohol, I grimace and tony laughs.
My eyes go to his phone resting face up on the desk and saw a unknown number calling, tony presses decline without hesitation and I see that he has had 4 missed calls from that same number.
"Think you should answer that Tony, seems important"
"It's not" he says picking up the phone and turning it over so the screen was face down on the table.
I roll my eyes at my ex boss and slouch into my chair. I pick up my phone and open Damon's text. I add his number into it and then respond to his text with a ':)'.
Within seconds the little grey speech bubble with dancing ellipsis appears and Damon responds.
'Heyyyy saw the news, hope all you weirdos are okay'
A small smile dances on my lips, he may dislike us enhanced individuals but he knows how much they mean to me and it's nice to see he cares.
' everything's gone to shit, we're in trouble with the government but it was bound to happens eventually' I then followed up with another text.
'Never mind that, tell me the details of your wedding ;)'
I stare at the words on my screen and frown. I see his name and then 'your wedding' it's not our wedding. I don't love him like I used to, quite frankly I don't remember much of him, but it just makes me think that could of been me but that was ripped out from under my feet the day I met the winter soldier in Chicago. I'll probably never get anything like that. Well...Thor is single now.
"What wrong?" Tony says staring at me intently.
"Hmmm...oh nothing" I say in a breezy tone, my lips pulling into a thin fake smile.
"Did I ever tell you that you have a pretty shit poker face Alex"
I dropped my smile and rolled my eyes at him.
"What is it?" He asks nudging my arm with his elbow.
"Damon's getting married" I sigh and it felt like a dagger to the heart, my breath got hitched in my throat.
"Damon....that's the...that's the boyfriend right?" Tony asks, his eyes swimming in memories of him and Damon drunk at his extravagant parties.
"He's the ex boyfriend"
"Ah...who to?"
"Felicity"
Tony chokes on air before staring wide eyed at me, "jesus that's rough alex, I don't know what to say"
"How about you just say yes to being my plus one to his wedding so I don't look so awkward and stupid on my own"
Tony contemplates, "no"
"There's an open bar" I sigh.
"You should've just lead with that, I'll go"
I lightly shake my head and gaze out of the huge square window panes that lined the wall, the muddy storm clouds swirled around in the dark sky as a thunderstorm rolls in, a deep rumbling ricocheting over the large empty avengers head quarters.
"Where is everyone?" I hum resting my head in my hands and not taking my eyes of the storm brewing outside.
"Uh we don't know where thor or Banner are, cap, nat, Wanda and Sam are all in Lagos and Clint is at home and we are here."
"I noticed that last one" I joke, "when are they coming back from Lagos?"
"Uhm I think they're going to take the next flight back once they've got their mess sorted out" tony grumbles as his phone starts to vibrate on the table.
"Tony answer that damn phone call" I bark getting sick of listening to the constant loud vibration of the phone against Glass, "it's got to be important if they're calling this many times"
"Well I don't want to answer it"
"Why"
Tony pauses, "because I know exactly who it is and what it's about"