Today I was doing a small session for Waterparks, after which I was supposed to meet with Tash and go shopping together. When speaking about Waterparks, I meant only Awsten, I don't know why, but I had so in the contract.
We knew each other, that's why it was easier to get to work. I knew his style of work, and he knew mine. We had fun, laughing and talking like old friends.
"How was it in Australia?" he asked suddenly what caused something to crack in me. The smile disappeared from my face, but I tried to look as if it didn't hit me.
"The hand may be a bit up..." I suggested, looking at the lens "You know, maybe support your chin with a hand..." he did my order, but something didn't fit me "You know a little bit more theatrically. Expressive, Awsten..."
"That's it, right?" he asked uncertain of his attitude.
"Very good" I showed him thumb up, taking a few shots right after, for spare ones just in case.
"Was it so boring that you don't want to talk?" asked the violet haired after a while on the break, when he was about to change the outfit.
"It was great" I said dryly, however honestly. I had the impression that this interview was both the best and the worst period in my life.
"You're dumbfounded, cheer up, Angie" I felt my arms fold from behind, he putting his head on my shoulder.
"Awsten, no..." I laughed, squeezing him with my hand, which I leaned back. My cheeks took on the shade of ripe beetroots. I didn't felt well when he touched me, but I understood that he wanted to help me feel better.
"Can I add you to the story?" he asked, worried about how I could react.
"Yes, no problem," I shrugged.
The boy recorded us making silly faces. I liked how I it came out. It was not so bad how I looked. You could not see the redness on my face and my fight with depression. I was a normal pretty attractive girl.
After the break, we went to work and finished even before the deadline.
***
Shopping was prolonged. It was evening, and we were already in the tenth store. Slowly it began to tire me. I only bought a pair of shoes and a T-shirt with a hand-painted print. I loved these things.
"See this" she pointed to the long green skirt "I'd look good in this?"
"I don't know if green is your color" I sighed, leaning against the hanger. It was hard for me. I was dizzy, and my breasts ached. I blamed it on the upcoming period, although I had never felt as bad as I did before, but apparently this stress and emotion must have changed.
"Maybe red?"she asked, looking at me with undecided eyes" Hey, are you okay?"
I nodded, sitting on the seat beside me.
"I just feel a little bad, I just don't want to ruin anything for you" I sighed, feeling that I felt worse and worse.
"You look not very good, maybe we will come to your office and sit for a moment?"
Tash was right. My office was just a few steps from the shopping center, and I had a first aid kit there and I could sit there peacefully.
"Let's go," I said, getting up.
The girl grabbed my arm, embracing me, for she noticed how drained from strength I've been. We went to the office, where luckily no one was there at this time except the receptionist and security guard.
We went to my room, which I shared with Ryan. I sat on the couch on the side of the room, breathing heavily.
Tash was looking for medicines in my desk and fortunately she found something.
"Take this" she gave me three tablets, putting a mug of water next to it.
"I have to go to the toilet," I said, heading to the bathroom next room.
I began to vomit into the shells, which was not pleasant at all. My friend came in behind me, kneeling beside me, holding my hair.
It is not known from where I started to cry again. The girl stroked my back, saying that everything would be all right. But there was nothing better. I wanted to curl up on the cold floor and cry until I die.
When I stopped vomiting, I rinsed my mouth with water, then returned to the room and took the medicine.
"Angie..." she replied in a worried voice, taking my hands into hers. "I don't want to worry you, but do not you think you can be pregnant? For some time you have complained that your back aches and pains. It is not normal. Didn't you missed your period?"
"Tash, I can't be pregnant, it's not possible, I take injections every month" I explained to her, sipping water to swallow the last tablet.
"It never gives a hundred percent certainty" said the girl "my aunt..."
"Yes, I know, she took pills and got pregnant at the age of fifty," I rolled my eyes.
"Angeline, please..." she sighed, squeezing my hands "I'm begging you, do the test. Just to let go. If it turns out negative, you'll calm me down. If not for yourself, do it for me."
"Okay, I'll do it." I nodded, feeling anxiety growing in me.
What if Tash was right and I was pregnant with Clinton? I was afraid of it, but I couldn't run away from it. I had to face it.
***
A day later, I took a day off by calling in sick. I layed in bed all morning, sleeping, drinking tea and reading a book. It calmed me a bit. I couldn't stand the smell of an orange candle on the bedside bedside table, so I threw it out, I don't even know why. I just couldn't stand it.
My cat layed down next to me, crouched into a ball. I loved this ginger pile of fat. He was the most wonderful roommate in the world. I wouldn't exchange him for anyone else.
I still didn't felt well and the discomfort was visible. I told myself that I was probably sick or the period was approaching, but the truth was that I was had to have a period of a week ago.
In one word, I was terrified.
A few hours later Tash came to me, holding a net full of various pregnancy tests.
I sighed.
"Ready?"Asked dark-haired, to which I nodded nervously, going to the bathroom.
Tash grabbed the net, following me. We were so close to each other that she came into the bathroom just behind me.
I made the test, then doing two more spare, for sure.
We sat on the bathtub slightly frightened, waiting fifteen minutes for the result of each of them. We held hands, feeling that this moment would decide about the future of my life.
After the lapse of time, I stood up, looking at the stick lying next to the sink.
"Two of them having two dashes, and one has one, what does it mean?" I asked her what she asked:
"This blue has one?"
"Yes..." I bit my tongue, not knowing what she meant.
"This blue is an ovulation test. One line means that you are not ovulating..." she began.
"So?" I felt tears well in my eyes.
"You're pregnant," She came to me, hugging me tightly while I cried in her shoulder.
It felt like my world was collapsing.
////
So... What about freaking out?
