I wake up in a cold sweat, something I have grown accustom to over the past year. Pleased to see hospital room has grown darker and I'm alone at last.
I still don't see why suddenly people care, the way I see it is if you don't care and don't listen then, why listen when the person you "care" so much about and maybe even love is in a hospital bed unconscious and barely breathing. Am I the only fucking person that doesn't get that?
I sit up and look at the clock, 9:58,visiting hours are over, and the bitch shift starts. I see a shadow slowly appear on the shad drawn window, I slid down in my bed in case they enter. The door nob turns and the door slowly opens as if they are trying not to wake me. The dim light turns on as the top bitch checks my vitals.
"I know you are awake, you don't have to hide it from me." I turn my head and face her. "What makes you think I was hiding from you?" She laughs slightly "believe it or not, at some point in my life, I was like you. I was laying in the same ditch wishing it was 5 feet deeper."
"Wait, what makes you think I wanted to die? Maybe I just felt like bleeding." She pulled my arm from my side and pointed at the dry blood that soaked threw the bandage. " if you just wanted to bleed, the cuts wouldn't have been up and down, but just random slits going sideways." She slowly peeled away the bandage, reveling my diagonal scars and my fresh cut from only two days before. "You wouldn't have tried to get the vein as hard as you did." I looked at her name tag
"okay look Page, I have plenty on my plate, I think the last thing I need is another adult thinking they can fix a broken depressed teen. You are not supper woman, your not a fucking medicine man that can fix this, I don't want to talk about why I did what I did or if I wanted to die or what it was like being dead. Also don't give me that I was like you once, no one is like me. Okay?"
She smiled and slapped a fresh bandage on my wrist."yeah. Well get this kid, you are not going anywhere but the fucking physic ward, until you can prove your self fit to society standards, oh and lots of counseling. So get used to all the wanna be Dr. Phill's , oh and I will be your nurse until you leave. Show some damn respect."
I waited for her to leave,until I got up. I un-tangled the cords connected to me and the machines. I rolled the e.k.g to the window so I could look at the star filled sky. I couldn't stop thinking about that night, about Shane...about me and him.
I sat on the window sill looking into the stars hoping one of them was him and that he could hear my thoughts, and answer my questions. I fought tears as I thought of him. Watching the sky turn to black nothingness.
