As soon as I wake up, the minute I squint my eyes open I remind myself that it is just another day “It’s just another day Lana, you can do this, be strong.” Of course I don't believe this, everyday I tell myself this but I have never believed it. Instead these horrfic thoughts race through my head, overwhelmed with emotion I burrow my head into my pillow, crying silently. I have mastered the art of silent crying after many months of hiding emotional and mental pain from my parents.
"UP! NOW!" I hear my Mum echo from downstairs.
I crawl out of bed, heading to the bathroom, open my bedroom door and brave the bright sunlight. Taking a minute for my eyes to adjust to the sudden light, I wander into the bathroom. Looking into the round, gold rimmed mirror I sigh, the bags under my eyes are redder and bigger, my eyes are red and my make up from yesterday has run down my face. The picture I see in the mirror looks like a weak little girl, scared of life and hiding from her problems. Running the cold tap, I make a bowl out of my hands, gather water and splash it on my face. The coldness hits me like a tidal wave, my eyes shoot open and this time I look at the mirror and I look powerful, brave. Strong.
There is no time for a shower so I quickly apply make-up -eyeliner with a small flick, mascara and purple lip gloss. I am about to leave when I decide to pack the pills I hid last night, I grab them and run back into my room. I pull on a red t-shirt, with an Aztec shirt, skinny jeans and obviously not forgetting my beloved purple converse.
Noticing I have four minutes to get to school I grab my bag, hiding the knife and pills at the bottom and run down the stairs and out the door. Running from the door along the cobble stones to the street, I turn onto the pavement. The school’s not far from my house so within minutes I see it in the distance, the sight of it gives me butterflies. I slow to a steady walk, close my eyes and take a deep breathe in.
“It’s just another day Lana, you can do this, be strong.” I whisper to myself and open my eyes. Glaring at the Sandstone building towering over me, I feel tiny and weak, slowly turning towards the sound of footsteps, I see them. The girl and the boy that created the hell I go through.
The ones who began it all.
Before I can even try to turn back around or walk off a hand is on my shirt pushing me towards the gate. My whole body is pressed against the gate and there is a hand at my neck holding me there while another hand gives a hard punch to my stomach. I don't know why I'm surprised, this happens almost everyday. It marks the beginning of what I endure everyday.
“What happened to the plan, huh?” The boy, Ian, spat. ”Why did you stick around, fag? Worried you’d miss us?”
Looking up from the ground, staring Ian right in the eyes, I smirk
“You know I love you too much to leave you, honey.” and winked.
Joanne, Ian’s sidekick, moans and rolled her eyes, before stomping off, but Ian just laughs as the bell goes. Taking a step back about to leave, I let out a shaky breath before his hands are pulling me forward and giving me a strong shove back against the fence. Walking off, he looks like he owns the world, his black vans branded bag bouncing off his back and his hands in his pockets. I lean my head back and fight back tears, I try to act tough, I really do but its getting too much. Each day the abuse is worse. It started off with a name and this is what it has reached. Although my class is in The North Building I run towards the south, wiping away a tear strolling down her face. I know what has to be done.
I ram into the door to the bathroom and run into the end cubicle, rummaging in my back I feel the cold metal of the knife against my fingers, I feel a hot burning sensation up my arm, almost as if I am reliving my cuts, reliving the pain. The knife would help but it wasn’t good enough, my hand stops on the bottle. Pulling them out I crouch on the toilet lid. Vision hazed by tears I hold my head in my hands as tears roll down my face, I can taste the salt from them as they pass my mouth a drip of my chin. Just as I am about to take the first pill I hear a muffled cry from the next cubicle.
“Hello?”
Theres no answer but I hear another shuffle, looking up I see a girl leaning on the cubicle wall. Her chestnut brown hair is tied back in a ponytail but she has strands of hair hanging loose, shaping her face. Her eyes as blue as the ocean, gleaming with tears. The girl’s nose was red from crying and her cheeks were the colour of roses.
“Um, hi. I’m Sam. You okay?” She spoke with her dark lips in a small smile.
“Not really” My eyes dropped to the bottle in my hand “I’ll be fine though.”
The nameless girl looked doubtfully at me before she jumped, disappearing out of view, after some shuffling noises her door opens. I follow her feet through the space under the cubicle wall, she stops at my door. Saying nothing, she just stood there until Lana sighed and opened the door for her. The girl had on red Dr. Martens with skinny jeans and a burgundy over-sized jumper that reached her thighs. Stepping forward she takes the pills out of my hands, reads the label and with a grim face, looks at me. Walking straight past me, squeezing through the tight space between me and the wall, she empties the bottle of pills in the toilets and flushes them away. I watch her do it and as soon as I hear that flush I burst into tears and this complete stranger grasps me in her arms and holds me, she tells me it will be okay and we will get through this but at this point I honestly don’t know how I can ever get through this.
