A little writing for my book
Reader discretion advised
He looked in the mirror and stared aimlessly in to the void between the cracks as it hung on his bathroom wall
A voice said to him "Why do you bother Darbz??? ". "You're a waste of space. No one gives a toss about you what have you done in your life? "
Do you really think your wife loves you. She could do far better than you she could have married someone who is not a wimp, someone who stands up for him self. Why did she marry you .? Was it for your looks, don't kid yourself, you have put on the kilos and would be lucky to get a look form the side of a bus!!! .
Maybe it is your wonderful personality.. Did someone say personality, Jesus Christ do you have any one who can really vouch for you there?? . What about your career, God a bloody public servant is that all you could get for the so called master's degrees you constantly show off to any one that listens to try and give the impression you might even have some intelligence!!
You have never done anything right have you!!!!
The voice grew more devious in its tone
Gary fought the voice as best he could
" I did my best I am a good person I have tried my best "
Pushing his knuckles In to the air he yelled out in agony from the mental torment he was receiving
"Pleeeeaasse go away just go away "
He lost his ground as he thumped the air and as if the air had been taken out of a balloon at a party, slumped to the cold tiles of his bathroom and curled up like a baby in the womb of a mother who would not own him or care for him and left him out to die
The voice in his head was not going to relent as if lathered up for the final blow to the already bloodied face of its opponent weakened by the power of its over arching fervour .
" Your mother messed your life up , your father left you and your children really don't want a loser for a father do they ??" The voice said as if ready to drive a dagger through the hear t of its opponent.
" You are useless. you will be nothing more than what you are now !! get over it , snap out of it !!!!
Gary's eyes reddened from the crying closed as if being held done by bricks, he had lost the battle, maybe he was useless may be the voice in his head was right.. It was as If he had lost the will to live ….. And had allowed the little respect he had left be drained out like a sewer pipe . He thought that would be it ……
The tiles were cold and smelled a little chalky , his tongue felt the salty taste on it tip as he felt his heart beating like a freight train going over tracks with a full load of carriages da dump da dump da dump … His breath gasping as if waiting for the final punch to be given .. Just hurry up and do it he thought
He had been beaten down beaten in to submission as if a slave to his own dark mind which would now assume control of all his thoughts. words entered his mind one after another
Useless husband , lazy , just scraped through your masters , messed up dysfunctional family , why are you not like others in my family ?? fat over weight Who would want to sleep with you ?? , you will never get anywhere, you couldn't hold job down for long could you , Victim victim victim . Even your wife must be sick of you!!! , your kid don't have a role model do they.?? . Even the dogs hate you..
He lay they curled up in a ball exhausted just trying to block out the darkness and praying for the voices to stop but they wouldn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then silence , a numbing silence as if the storm had changed course , may be a break in the weather , he wondered at least for today but he wondered just for how long it was going to be a long day and at 2am in the morning had a long way to go ………………………….
© Gary Darbyshire 2009 ( copyright )
