luke sat on top of a hill, a cigarette pressed between his lips around midnight.
they were in new york, and every time they visited, luke would sit at the top of the same hill he found three years ago. he loved to just look out and see the big city in the distance.
it looked so small.
his hands ran through the grass beneath them as smoke filled his lungs, and then went back out.
michael sat with him last year and they talked about everything under the sun, and ended up forgetting what time it was and didn't get back to the hotel until 3 a.m.
"i thought i would find you here."
luke didn't turn around when he heard michael's voice.
michael sat down beside luke, and took the cigarette from his hand. luke didn't argue or try to get it back when michael put it out.
he just sat there silently.
"talk to me." michael whispered.
"apparently i've already said enough." luke whispered, looking out at all of the lights in the distance.
"if you knew you had real feelings for me than why did you come up with the friends with benefits thing?" michael asked quietly, and luke shook his head.
"the first night we ever slept together was just because we were both horny and you had just gone on a bad date. we were laying there afterwards and i asked you what we were. you said 'friends' and that broke my heart cause i loved you then too. it felt like a one-time thing when you said that, and i was scared. i wanted everything with you, so i suggested friends with benefits because i would take anything i could get with you. i thought maybe if we got together enough times than you would eventually want me, and i know i was wrong for doing that. i'm sorry." luke whispered.
"i'm really struggling right now because you're my best friend, and you're hurting and i want to be there for you, but i feel like i can only make it worse now." michael whispered.
luke turned and looked at michael, tears in his blue eyes.
michael hates seeing luke cry.
"why am i good enough for you physically, but i'm not good enough for a relationship?" luke whispered.
"stop-"
"i don't mean that as an attack on you. i just want to know why." luke whispered.
michael sighed, and shook his head, turning his head so he was looking at the lights now instead of luke's hurt eyes.
"michael, you're always talking about how you want someone who wants nothing more than for you to be happy, and i can be that person. i am that person. i've watched you love so many people, and it hurts just the same every time because i want that to be me, but i don't say anything because you're happy, and i wouldn't ever do anything to mess that up." luke cried.
"luke-"
"and you called me selfish. how could you? i've cried myself to sleep so many times just wishing you would be there to hold my hand, but i never made a big deal out of it because you were happy with someone else! i have never been selfish with you even though i wanted to so bad!" luke spat, and michael looked over at him and saw angry, hurt tears falling from his eyes.
"don't cry, luke." michael whispered.
"you're right. i don't have a right to cry. i did this to myself." luke whispered, and wiped his eyes.
"come here." michael whispered, and patted his leg.
luke crawled over, and sat on michael's lap.
"i'm sorry, michael. i'm sorry for doing this to you. you don't deserve this." luke whispered.
"hey, just stop talking." michael whispered gently.
"why?"
"cause. just give me a minute. i'm trying to stop myself from being so scared right now. i know you're more than enough for me, but i'm so scared, luke."
"tell me why you're scared." luke whispered, his hand on michael's face.
"because. i'm scared if we are together, you know, exclusively, and it doesn't work out, i'm gonna lose my best friend too." michael whispered.
"or what if we work out? what if we're amazing together like i know we can be?"
michael nodded, and pressed his forehead to luke's. they sat there for a second while a thousand thoughts swarmed michael's head.
"what if you're everything i've been looking for?" michael whispered.
"i'm never gonna hurt you, michael." luke said softly, and michael's eyes met his.
"i don't know if i'm capable of loving you like you deserve, luke. what if i'm the one that's not good enough for you?" michael whispered.
"michael, you are enough. you're always gonna be enough." luke whispered, his hands on michael's cheeks.
"how do you know that?"
"because you can make me feel so calm by just looking at me. because whenever you hold me i feel like i'm flying. and whenever you kiss me i feel priceless. i feel like nothing can hurt me, and i feel like i have everything i've ever needed. you are more than enough. more than i could ever ask for." luke whispered, brushing a hand through michael's hair.
"i wanna feel that too. i- i'm not in love with you yet, but i know i can be. i wanna try this with you, luke. i've never been great with relationships, but i want you, too luke."
luke smiled, and ran his thumb across michael's jaw.
"i promise to be careful with your heart, mikey." luke whispered.
"i know you will. more importantly, i promise to be careful with yours." michael whispered, making luke smile once again.
michael leaned up, and pressed his lips to luke's but it was different this time.
it was better.
