The Ghost and the Life-List

Chapter One

When I was a kid, I always imagined that clouds would feel exactly as cotton candy would. It looked fluffy, but I expected the sticky, sugary residue on my fingers to envelop my body if I were to float through it. The other kids in class always thought I was weird that I didn't think of clouds more like cotton balls: delicate, buoyant, and far from sticky. But that's what I imagined - that when I died, I would be suspended amongst the clouds, feeling it's unorthodox texture beneath my feet.

When I actually died, I wasn't given that opportunity to find out. While I imagined floating delicately into the sky to live amongst the clouds - to see my grandparents, parents, and all those I cared for again - I was left still on Earth as if gravity continued to pull me down. I didn't die after my parents. I didn't die after my grandparents. I am eighteen years old. I had my whole life ahead of me. At least, that's what they all told me.

I felt light. Like a massive, heaving burden was lifted off of my shoulders. Was life this burden, weighing me down? What was still keeping me to the ground then?

I looked around to be surrounded by blinding, white lights. They were hitting me from every direction, like an attack. I felt small. I felt myself begin to curl up in a ball; these lights emanating a white noise that rung through my ears. I clasped my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, but this ring only grew louder. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. But I couldn't make a sound; no tears fell from my face. It all rushed to my head before...

Poof. It was gone.

I took in a breath and for a brief second, I could only hear the sound of my breathing. I warily opened my eyes and sat up from my feeble ball. My eyes, blurred by the sudden change in atmosphere, began to clear up like a fortune in a crystal ball. And like that fortune, I slowly began to realize my fate.

I was lying in the middle of a hospital floor. I expected to feel the piercing cold of the tile beneath my shins but I felt nothing. As if in a trance, I watched around me as nurses shuffled their way through the halls, doctors running up and down in a hurry to save their patients, families waiting eagerly outside of rooms, nurses perusing the halls to catch up with that friend they loved to share that shift with. I watched it all happen around me. I watched it all happen through me.

When the first nurse stepped right through me, I didn't move. I flinched quickly as I panicked to feel the forceful kick of her white sneaker up against my chin. But her toe grazed right through me and I felt nothing but a draft through my inside. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion; like a skirt blowing from an autumn breeze, I felt hollow and exposed. I quickly turned to follow the nurse that so dismissively passed through me do nothing but stop at the counter to turn in some paperwork. I began to feel panic. Nothing was making sense. Like a baby giraffe attempting to walk for the first time, I brought myself to my feet. I felt light. Wait, why did I feel light?

I began working my way through the halls. The walls were chipping a dull white paint and had nicks on the corners from rushed hospital beds. The desk in the reception area had a 90's feel to it that aged the whole wing. I called out to nurses on my way but none of them seemed to hear me. I tried to stumble into someone to see if they would catch me in their arms; but every time, I fell right through. I had to find my family. Were they in here somewhere?

As if something fell into place, within seconds I passed by a room and found my mom, dad, and my little sister, Madison, all curled up together on a couch. I quickly entered the room just as the doctor was closing the door. I felt the pain and sadness in the air. I looked at my parents, their cheeks stained and glistening in the fluorescent light. This room, unlike the hallway corridor, felt warm and modern. Along the sides were brand new leather couches. The walls were freshly painted honey yellow and there was a lingering smell of lavender that cascaded through the room. I stood behind the burly doctor as he rolled a chair over in front of my family.