Ten <Namjin Fanfic>

3.

<anxiety warning for this chapter. I promise it ends well>

I'm two hours late for dance practice. Jin wanted me to be an hour, maybe an hour and a half, I see him glance his eyes over at me. I wonder if he knows, if he sees the shame in my face. I know he does. And he knows I know.

I lower my eyes and set my gym bag on the floor. I begin to stretch in the corner as the guys line up behind Celeste and follow her moves. Her brunette hair whips to the side with every movement. The guys follow behind clumsily. We've lost our touch since Tae...

I notice Jungkook isn't at practice yet again and make a note in my phone of it before I join the group. I'm surprised to see Yoongi here..

"Hey everyone," I say sheepishly.

"You're late," Celeste retorts. She does a quick spin that catches the guys off guard and sends them into a tumbling mess. "Second time in a row, Joon. I don't want you to lose your touch"

I answer with a half-hearted laugh. "What touch?"

She cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow. "Really? You have no touch? You're not a talented dancer?" Before I have a chance to reply, she grabs my hands and begins to dance salsa-style with me. I match her pace and quick movements. I never knew how good of dance partners we were. I dip her down, gently holding her by the small of her back. She chuckles and breaks the dance off. "See? I told you, Jooni! You're just as good as the rest. Now, get in line!"

The guys and I form three lines. Jin is up front. I consider standing by him, but I give him his distance. I take a spot in the back row next to Hobi.

Dance practice ends at 4 o'clock. My muscles twinge in agony. I grab my water bottle and glance at my phone. A text from my mom, I'll answer her later. I send a quick text to Jungkook and let him know I'll be stopping over on my way home. No reply. My heartbeat quickens.

I shove my phone in my pocket and sling my bag on my shoulder. As I look up, I see Jin standing in front of me. "Hey," I say.

He's biting his lip. "Hey, can we talk later? Your place?"

I brush my hair back nervously. "Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I need to stop at Kookie's before I get home though. How about 7?"

He nods and places my hand in his gently. His glossy eyes dart back and forth, but his words neglect him. He lets my hand go and with a simple nod, he walks away. 

I wave goodbye to Celeste and the boys before walking out of the studio. I try to focus on small things on the walk home. A chirping blue bird in a birch. A row of tiny ants passing along the sidewalk. Jin's tear-filled eyes. The fucking way I hurt him. No, not this right now. Focus. That school over there. The faded red brick on the sides. I wonder how old it is. I wonder what Yoongi is thinking right now. I wonder how much he hates me.

I quicken my pace.

That dog. Is it a yorkie? A poodle? Oh, I don't care! That lady holding his leash. Think of her story, Namjoon. Think of how her heart was broken. Think of who broke it. Think of how you hurt everyone. You suck. You don't deserve them. You hurt them. What have you done?

At this point, I'm practically running. I try shaking my head to get the thoughts out. Leave! Leave! Please, just go!

People turn their heads as I run by. I ignore them and keep running.

What have you done, Namjoon?! My mothers voice echoes in my head. Why can't you just find a nice lady? A pretty little thing. Why do you go for these unclean boys? It's not natural!

The tears start forming in my eyes. I bite my lip and try to hold them back.

You're done with him, right? You're done with Yoongi? I'm all yours now, Jooni?

"JIN!" I yell outloud to myself. I hear his voice in my head. Hear the words he spoke to me only weeks before that stabbed like a knife.

I hear the words Yoongi said only this morning. You're hurting me now with what you're doing. You can't have us both.

I don't want this to end.

I fall down on the concrete and press my face into my knees. The flow of tears rushes out of me. I can't stop it anymore. I can't hold it back. I place my hands out in front of me. My fingers grab at the rough ground. I'm trying to get ahold of it. I'm trying to get ahold of everything. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying...

I feel a hand press between my shoulders. "Joon..." I look up between sobs. It's Jungkook. "Come inside, brother" My mind trailed off so far that I didn't even realize I had made it to his home.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," I answer. He hooks his arms under my shoulders and pulls me to my feet.

He pulls his long sleeve down past his hand and wipes my tears away. "None of us do, Joon, but I can help you find your way." He offers a smile and I can't help but give him a weak one back.

He leaves a strong arm around me as he helps me into his home.