"Only You and Me"

I read the note in the next page before her last one....

August 8, 2013

It had been months since I started dating Zach and it feels like years have passed..

I had been in an accident two days ago..

Dad died

It was only me ,him and mom in the car.

until we hit the concrete rails in the highway because a truck bumped into ours..

There is not a single Good thing about my life

I am deeply exhausted these years.

I only Got bruises ...

Mom broke her ankle and arms...

but dad..

he was slammed into the front glass shield and was choked by the crumpled car..

I can see everything...

in my mind I remember everything so clear.

and I had CT Scan

discovered I had Alzheimers.

Zach still does'nt know anything about my personal life except for my friends and siblings..

I do not want pity

I do not want them making me remember what I have gone through..

yes, I am escaping.

That moment I knew I got incurable disease I ran into my car ,crying, I hate everything I have !

I want to lose this everything , but I am still not ready for my after life.

Totally loosing hope and patience.

This is the start of my ending.

I love him so much and he love me too...

sometimes Im worried ...

if this would end and my future would not be with him...'

It looks like she wrote this in different dates and I remember every single moment with her....

it hurts like hell and Im mad for not trying to know whats wrong...

damn my feelings!  was all I cared about....

I now somehow accept why I was left blindsided. It somehow told me what it feels like..

I miss You so much. that was what I want to tell her everytime I cried silently in my room...

You made a mess out of me, really..

just I hoped you had told me youre time was running into its end ...

'August 23, 2013

Dear You,

Months with Him..

I had'nt still told him how much I love Him...

he would just get hurt..

knowing Ill soon die with this death sentence ...

I've returned to school with him informed that I just went to my relatives ...

but the truth was I went to my dad's burial..

keeping this from hurts me so much ..

but this would make him less regret loving me or spending time with me...

I"ve been taking meds and starting to feel pain everywhere.

It had been hard keeping it from everyone except my family.

but I want Zach to feel that he makes my last days the happiest

even if he is not aware.

and I know the day where I have to end it with him and let him live his life will come sooner and sooner..

If you are ever going to read this Zach , please live your life with no regrets and blame.'

But I do have and will always have..

'I started thinking how I would make Zach break up with me....

as much as it hurts I need to..

its getting worse, I am getting worse everyday.

I mean I just discovered it this month but had it for almost a year without treatment...

If this is it , then life is it , the end of me..

I know in the end I have to accept it.

I love You Zach and will always love you forever and ever.

Please Let Go of the past and live a new life when love will come again...

I will be diagnosed by the end of next month and I think that would end it all...

farewell,

C

P.S: ( 10-01-13) I convinced him that I cheated on him. and now he ignores me and I barely see him which is good for both of us. I hope youll have a happy future with the right girl. do not be afraid to love.  '

This was for me....

Im shattered by this....

I have acted like a jerk after that to her, preventing , glares, jelousy , but she endured it all....

I hate this...

Im just left with one more...

Ill expect the worst....