Pandora's Box

Only In Your Dreams

Slowly you walked towards the house.

You hesitated before opening the door.

Your steps slowed even more as you approached the room.

The music was sad, lonely, heartbroken. You felt the tears fill your eyes as your heart grew heavy.

You searched the room and in a corner, overlooking the gardens you found her.

Sadness.

Loneliness sat beside her, holding her hand.

You saw Sadness lift her hand and wipe at her eyes.

Sadness turned to look at you and smiled softly. "Ah. Thinking of him again, are you?"

Loneliness said gently, "He is here too, you know. In your garden."

Your face pinched with heartbreak, you bowed your head.

"You can visit with him. In your garden. You can remember." Loneliness continued.

You shook your head and looked away.

Bitterness came to join the two on the window seat. Then Anger.

Anger reached out to take your hand. "It's ok. It's ok to be mad at him for leaving you behind."

Bitterness said, "It's ok to feel bitter for the decisions he made."

Love comes up behind you and wraps her arms around you. "He will always hold your heart. Go. Walk in your garden. Visit with him. Remember all the laughter and the tears and remember the love you two shared. Remember the shared looks, the casual touches. The smiles meant just for you."

You feel the tears streaming down your face, but don't bother to wipe them away.

Pain comes up to stand beside you and takes your hand. "It's all right. Cry. Let it out."

You sob, unable to hold it in any longer. You stagger, the weight of your emotions too much to bear. You feel their hands on you, you feel ... nothing. You are numb.

"NO!" They all cry out together.

Sadness shakes her head, "No. You need to feel. Do not push us away now. You are alive. You are real. We are real. We are a part of you. You can't just push us away and pretend that everything is alright. You miss him. You still love him."

You step back from the Emotions that threaten to overwhelm you again.

They still hold your hands, but they are no longer pressing against you. Surrounding you, but no longer overwhelming you.

You shake your head. "No, I can't bear this pain. I miss him every day. I talk to him still every day. But my heart is hollow. The places that he filled are empty again and nothing will ever be able to fill them again. How can I face him, knowing that the only place he still lives is in my memory? I don't want that! I don't want to see him, hear his voice, his laugh, feel his arms around me and know that when I wake up from this dream that I will be alone again. I don't want to see the twinkle in his eyes and know that I will never be able to hear his laugh fill a room and make everyone turn to look. I can't... I can't bear it. I'm lost without him. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm alive again. Every time something reminds me of him, it hurts so much. Too much."

You turn away from your Emotions. You take a deep breath. And another. And another.

Then you hear his voice calling to you. Calling your name in that way he had that just melted your heart. Love takes a deep breath and sighs. Pain shivers. Bitterness steps away. Loneliness and Sadness smile at each other.

You can't help it, you turn to the garden. Through the open door you see him standing there. Before you realize it, you are racing to him. Throwing yourself in his arms. Feeling his warmth and strength surround you.

Home.

Bitterness falls to his knees and Love drops to hers and holds him. She looks at the two of you and smiles through her tears.

"I've missed you so much. Some days I wonder if I will make it through. I can hear your voice talking to me and I wonder if I'm going insane. God, I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too." That beautiful voice, that tender, loving sound that always made you shiver. You let the tears fall knowing that, even if it's only in your dreams, you are alive and whole.