In The End

My one and only

I wake to a room filled with sunshine, and the smell of the pancakes that Calum is cooking filling the house. Everything is probably perfect for the other boys. But not for me.

I sit up in bed, trying not to stand to fast. Instead of standing though, I pick up my shorts. Out of the pockets, I pull out the crumpled, folded note.

I unfold it, slowly, slowly. And I read it. I read it again and again.

Lainey has been dead for over a year. And no matter how many times I read this note, I still feel that it's my fault. She killed herself because of me.

I walk downstairs to see Ashton and Mike eating pancakes, and Calum flipping a couple.

"Hey Luke, mate! You're up earlier than usual!" Calum says, cheerfully.

"Yeah hey." I reply, trying to pretend I'm sleepy.

Of course, they can tell. "Luke, you have to let it go."

Ashton pats my shoulder as I sit down. "It's not healthy for you to be down all the time."

"Try having your girlfriend die on you sometime, Ashton." I stab my pancake with aggression, shoveling into me mouth.

"You don't want syrup?" Mikey says, a bit of pancake falling out of his mouth.

"No. No I just want to eat and go back to my room." I wipe my mouth.

They all groan.

.............................................................

I walk back up to my room, and grab some paper and a pencil.

I begin to write, letting the words fill me.

Why did you have to go so fast,

When we found a love at last?

I can't believe that you're gone,

Keep telling myself it's all wrong.

Maybe you're still here,

And this is all a dream?

But no, it's real I fear,

You're really gone it seems.

My one and only,

My one and only.

I miss when you'd say hold me,

My one and only,

My one and only,

Not your fault, you told me.

I have to stop writing, because tears drip from my nose and on to the paper. Maybe I'll finish this song later.

I miss everything about her. The way she laughed, how she flipped her black hair out of her headband, how she would always get angry, and I'd kiss her in the middle of a sentence and she'd just smile. I miss her.

I look up at the sky, watching the clouds float by.

"I miss you Lainey."