Ntandwenhle : If Only Yesterday Was Tomorrow

CHAPTER 6

"Oh, I'm loving what I'm seeing," Sthembiso said as he strolled over to us. I then looked at Mlungisi who was in bed holding my hand and I saw what appeared like a smile curve over his dark toned face. I blushed and looked at Sthembiso. He smiled and went, "And I'm out"

Mlungisi then removed his hands from mine and tried reaching out for a pillow on the floor. I quickly grabbed it for him and placed it on his back. He adjusted his seating position and sighed afterwards. He raised his head, our eyes met and locked. "You're still beautiful," he said breaking the ice. I looked down smiling.

"MaNzima I don't like how things were between us when you left," he said holding my hand. The smile on my face faded and I looked at him in the eye. "The only reason I'm conscious right now is because of your prayers," he continued looking straight into my eyes. I suddenly had goosebumps.

"It pains me to know that even after hurting you countless times, you still prayed for my survival. You've always been a woman of faith and I'll forever love you for it. Thank you so much for being there for me when I couldn't even be there for myself. I could hear everything while I was in ICU. I just couldn't respond nor move," he said still looking at me.

Wait, that meant he knew about my date with Ndumiso. It was as if he had read my mind. "I also heard you talking with the doctor, but I couldn't make out what you were talking about exactly. You spoke in whispers," he said easing my conscience. I sighed out of relief. I wasn't emotionally ready to deal with him anyways. I had a lot on my plate.

''Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded and freed my hand from his. He looked at it and went, "MaNzima I admit, I failed you and your family. My ... Our children had to witness me mistreat you. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I deprived you of your happiness, freedom and independence. Not even numerous apologies can undo the hurt I caused you. None of them can turn back time and let me be the man I should've been to you back then but from the bottom of my heart MaNzima, I am sorry"

I don't know how I managed to listen to him without interrupting but for some reason my world stood still. Talk about numbness attacking at least expected moments.

"Why now?" I responded. He looked at me shocked but eventually put on a casual look. He fidgeted with his fingers for a while, not responding. I could feel my anger building up.

"Had I told you then, you wouldn't have believed me"

"Mlungisi are you TELLING me something or you're apologising?"

"MaNzima I'm ready to let you in. I want to do right by you"

"I'm listening"

"I'm sorry"

"You've got to be fucken kidding me," I said walking towards the door with my hand over my hip. I went to the door and banged on it twice. I caught my breath and walked back to him.

"Mlungisi!"

"Yebo MaNzima," he said in a low voice. I looked over him and realised he had even lost weight. He was no longer my handsome, masculine and dark skinned I-do man but he was some weak black abusive bustard with a sick apology. An abusive version of Ndumiso.

"I was in a loveless marriage for 11 years. 6 if you exclude the years we've been apart"

"You've been counting''

"That's not the point. The point is, I don't see myself forgiving you''

"The fact that you're not saying you'll never forgive me means there's still hope that someday you will. It may not be now but I know you won't hold this grudge over me forever. You don't necessarily have to forget everything I put you through. Tolerating my existence would be enough for me," he said now looking down.