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64 // Emma's Point of View

A/N: Mature content ahead. Warning. Mature content ahead.

•••

I awoke to Harry on the phone, him talking in a hushed, but angry tone. He looked so distraught, so mad. I hope he isn't mad at me. I technically cheated on him, he says he just wants to protect me. I think he might be lying.

I drift off again, letting my nightmares consume me.

He pushed me against the wall, pinning my chained hands above my head. He had taken me yesterday and since then he just let me sit on the floor, silent as he spoke.

He said I was the reason my mother left him, I was the reason his life was so screwed up. That I had ruined everything, but it was only verbal abuse, well until now.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked shyly. As he pulled my shirt over head so that it caught on the chains. I tried to fight him off, but he was stronger than me. Way too strong.

"You ruined my life Emma, you took everything from me." He spat in my face. "So, I'm going to take everything from you." I felt the tears gather in my eyes. "Do you think your pop star boyfriend of yours will want you after what I'm going to do to you? No, he won't. He'll see what you really are, he'll be disgusted by you, that your nothing more than a nasty, cheating whore." He screamed in my face, and I began to sob.

"Eliza will abandon you, your mother with disown you, the record label release you. No one will want the trash that slept with her father." I cried harder, he was right. No one will want me. He might as well just kill me.

I felt him dig his fingers into hips and I cry out in pain. He starts to kiss my neck and I shudder. He's my father, this isn't supposed to happen. He shove finder in my pants forcing them and underwear down. I shut my eyes tight and begin pray. It will end soon right? Maybe I won't even feel it.

I was wrong.

I woke up screaming and I felt the car lurch forward. I can feel the moisture on my cheeks, as I continue to sob my heart out. The pain in my stomach growing greater. Realizing that Harry pulled over, I jump out and throw up the entire contents of my stomach all over the side of the highway.

My knees give out and Harry catches me before I hit the ground. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life. He will be disgusted by you. I shove him away, taking a step back.

"What's wrong?" He asks clearly hurt.

I'm still sobbing uncontrollably, "You don't want me, your disgusted by me, I know you are. No one wants the girl who—" I cry harder, seeing the pain in his eyes. "Who— Who slept with her father." I sobbed harder and when he wrapped his arms around me again. I didn't fight him this time.

"Emma, look at me." I looked at his tear stained face, "I love you. I promise. I'm in no way, shape or form disgusted by you."

"But, he said everyone would hate me." I clenched his shirt, "He said that everyone would see the nasty whore that he already knew I was."

"You know that not true right?" I shook my head and enveloped me in another hug.

"Harry I don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel so powerless, like someone has taken the life out of me." I look into his eyes and say the one thing that has been running through my mind over and over and over. "It was supposed to be you Harry, you were supposed to be my first, not my father. I wanted it to be with the man I love, not the one who was doing it out of hate!" I could physically feel my heart break. "I feel so dirty, so violated. So broken. Maybe I am the whore everyone says I am."

"Look at me Emma, do not say that! You are not a whore and you are not dirty. He broke you, but I promise I will put you back together, even if it takes me our entire lives. I will love you no matter what."

"Thank you." I say wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him closer than humanly possible. "No one can know. Please." I plead to him.

"Emma people have to know."

"Ok, then: You, Eliza and the doctors, that's it. Please, this is a scandal I don't think I face the fandom about." I say.

"You have my word."

"Thank you." I grab his hand and we begin to walk back to his car. The pain in my stomach resurfaces and I push my hands to it, hoping it would make it stop. I heard Harry saying something to me, but I can't hear it.

My vision blurs and the entire world goes black.

•••

1 month later

•••

It's been a month since I was rushed to the hospital. They said I had an infection and that the pain in my stomach became too unbearable , causing my body to shut down.

I guess I'm feeling a little better, though I don't think I will ever be 100% the same again. My father took something from me and I can't find it to put it back.

I honestly feel horrible, every time Harry kisses me I flip out and I still flinch when he touches me sometimes. He's been so patient with me and it's not fair to him. He deserves someone who can be everything he wants, not someone that he has to tip toe around.

Just no matter what I do, every time I close my eyes I see my father. The doctors say I should try therapy and at first I was totally against it, but now I'm thinking it could maybe be helpful.

Eliza and I are on shaky ground right now: I made her swear she wouldn't tell Niall about what happened to me and at first it was pretty easy. Although recently he's been noticing I'm acting weird around him and Harry and the boys and it's forcing Eliza to lie to him. Which she hates so they're fighting a lot. I feel so selfish, but I don't want the boys to know.

The boys postponed their tour another month and it starts again next week, so at least I have that to look forward to.

I can't get ahead of myself now though, I have to make the hardest decision of my life. I could do what I want and be selfish, or I could do the right thing.

Kill me now.