Fractured Soul

II-ACHING

Ch2- Abby

When I woke up I was soaking wet. My head is throbbing horribly, I haven't slept properly for the past month, when I decided to stop taking the pills. My nightmares haunt me, my past has always been like a lacerating lash from which I can't run away. The blankets are fastened to my body, dark circles are already forming under my eyes and my hair is tangled on the pillow. I have been having these nightmares for as far as I remember, they have never ceased not even after visiting so many therapists.

It all started when I was six years old, my life turned into hell that stormy winter night. It was a series of unfortunate events, one after the other and there wasn't a way out. After two years of pure agony, we were finally rescued from the hands of the devil, however the ordeal didn't stopped there how I hoped, I continued to be tortured on my dreams, I always woke up in the middle of the night screaming and sobbing. When asked about them, I just couldn't remember what had happened. My aunt and uncle, Sarah and Caleb Graham, had been incredibly supportive, taking care of us and providing a caring and safe home. But, that awful night and those dreadful years were pierced in my mind and soul forever. And that cliché phrase that says "Time heals wounds" is just rubbish. Memories are the worst chasers. Years later and I still can't speak anything about it, and at this pace I guess I will take them with me to my grave.

After moving in with my aunt and uncle, whom took the responsibility of parenthood of us, it took me an entire year before speaking again to anyone that wasn't Chris, whom I had tried to protect always no matter the cost. They took me to several therapists, but they didn't understand what was happening inside me; they only try to solve it, like if I was a broken machine. After not getting anything out from me, they decided to prescribe me sleeping pills, they thought that way my pain would cease eventually. They were incredibly mistaken.

I never cried, not even when I knew we had lost them forever. I promised myself that no matter what, I would remain strong for him, for Christophe, my younger brother. I vowed to keep him untainted and his memory pure with the love of our parents, he deserves a bright future full of happiness, only then I will find peace.

When I look at the clock again, I see it's almost time to start getting ready for my classes. I love to arrive early, like that I don't have to be near all that people in the hallways of the dorm, or running not to be late for class. I sit on the first row as usual, next to Pheebs, who is already seated.

"Abby how was your weekend?" she asks

"Same as usual, getting my assignments for this last week ready," I answered back.

"Where are you going for the break?" excitement lightens her face.

"I'm going home, I miss my brother and my parents," I softly reply.

"How are you feeling? You don't look well." An expression of concern replaces her excitement face.

"I didn't sleep well, the nightmares are back, I was able to sleep only for about an hour," I confess. It is extremely hard to keep things from her.

I have known Phoebe, since she moved next door of my parents' home and since then that is the closest I have ever gotten to someone, outside my family. She doesn't know about what happened, but she had always been there for me, when I needed someone to listen or when someone bothered me at school, which was really often.

"We are going to Australia, don't you want to come with us, my parents love you they won't mind," words seem to leave her mouth booming with each other. "and I'll have my best friend for an entire summer, oh come on! You and me, sun, beach, drinks can you ask for more." She finishes battling her eyelashes.

"I can't Pheebs, it sounds out of this world, "I lied not to hurt her emotions, though she knows me well enough "I have to see Chris, this is the farthest apart we have been since we were kids and I can't bear it one more second," I admit.

"Abby, you know he is a grown up sexy man, he doesn't want you over him all the time, he has his own life now. You are his sister not his mom, he has Sarah and Caleb, they have been amazing parents for the two of you."

"I know. I know you are right. But this is what we do we take care of each other, we always have and we always will Pheebs, just like us" I reply and add in a whisper "he deserves way more than I do."

Pheebs doesn't seem to have heard my last words, and I'm glad. She sighs, but comprehends me more than anyone. She raises both her hands in the air, in a surrender gesture, and I realize I had made my point. We say our goodbyes before taking separate ways. The remaining classes go pretty fast; I miss Pheebs sitting down next to me, but she only came today to try to convince me one last time, and when I refused, she knew it was time to head to her flat to get ready.

I continue hearing her in my mind; complaining about having to travel, she tries to frighten me about all the things that might go wrong. I have never understand where this voice comes from or what she wants. Most of the times trying to persuade me to act as someone I'm not, however almost always I am able to dismiss her. Nevertheless, there are other times where I find myself in awkward situations I don't recall been to start with. If it wasn't for the fact that I have heard her since I was small I would think I have gone mad, but that is not the case. I have never told anyone about this voice, since it doesn't seem to be important. I close my eyes and ignore her.

Where was I? Oh no! It was happening again, I was in autopilot mode. I was so immerse in my own thoughts that my mind seemed disconnected from my body. I decide to check if at least I brought everything I need with me. I see, I have the dorm keys and my cellphone, my luggage is where it is supposed to be. I feel my body finally relaxing, at least it was a good thing I had everything neatly packed, the advantages of being a control freak.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Do I know you? You seem so familiar?" a rough, but sweet voice asks. He seemed quite anxious for interrupting my slumber though he has an intense gaze fixed on me.

I open my eyes and shift uncomfortably on the chair while surreptitiously scanning the man sitting next to me. I don't seem to recognize him, why is he talking to me? His nervousness is even more noticeable than before, but I can't understand why.

"No, I'm sure I have never met you before," I honestly answer him, even though I'm not good with names or faces, I'm almost sure I don't know who he is.

I start to feel apprehensive, I don't think I want to be sitting next to this man for four long hours. He draws me out of my thoughts.

"Weren't you last night at the night club, you look different in that clothing and with your hair that way," He seems confused.

"No, last night I was sleeping. I surely don't know you sir." I defensively reply. Who does he think he is? What on earth is happening? people are crazier with each day, I know it sounds like I'm overreacting but I can't helped it, I'm just not like Pheebs sociable and easygoing, I prefer my cocoon, a safe haven I don't feel thrilled to share. I feel compelled to plug my headphones back where they belong, but out of respect I decide to be courteous just like mom has tutored me to be in the past.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Munchkins,

hope that you really like this new chapter while we continue building up all the threats of this adventure, till next week, lots of love, happiness, and positive energy for this week that is just starting