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Drapetomania; an overwhelming urge to run away.
"Run", I was telling myself. "Run and never look back". I didn't know where I was going, i just had to leave away. Away from reality, away from the club, away from him. I just need Bruna. Only her. She is my best friend and I want to talk to her. I need to open my heart to her and let her in like I always do. But in Brazil she will probably be asleep at the moment and I would never want to wake her up and bother her.
"So, I guess it's just us Estre. For one more time, its only us", I tell myself
The tears in my eyes made my vision blurry. I was just running in the roads of Madrid. Without thinking, I went to the beach. (Okay I know that Madrid doesn't have beaches but please go along with it, thank you :))
I knew why I chose this one out of all the beaches. I tried to convince myself that it was because it's beautiful here, without another reason. But no, I couldn't. I knew that I came here because it reminded me of James.
This beach was the place that reminded me of him the most. We had so many good times in here. We made memories that I will never forget. I can't let go. Because I am still living in the past. Because I am still in love with him.
I sit on the sand and my feet are in the sea. For a moment, I forgot about everything. I didn't care about of single thing. But after a while I got that strange feeling in my stomach. You know, the one you get when something is missing? I knew what was missing. James.
Throwback;
It is 2 a.m. and me and James are walking freely in the city. Both of us don't mind where we are going. We just want to be together. We arrive at the beach and sit in some rocks. We lay down and look at the night sky. We are a little drunk and we don't know what we are saying. At the moment James is talking about how much he loves the stars . I turn to face him as he talks. His hair is a little messy because of the light breeze. His eyes are sparkling so much that they could light up the whole city as he talks with passion. His freckles look so cute in his face and that make him look like the innocent, pure boy he is. His lips are curved into a smile that reveals his happiness. He looks so effortlessly handsome and I wish this moment would last forever. Of course he's not perfect, he has flaws like every human being. But I am willing to love them all.
When he turns to face me, I already have a smile on my lips as I know that I have fallen in love with him. And I can't help it. He's the one my heart chose.
"I have always loved the stars. They are so beautiful", he starts
"But no beauty could ever compare to yours", he says and stares in my eyes
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The next morning light hits my face and I wake up. I look around me and I am in a cave at the beach. I notice that I am naked except that I am still wearing my shirt. I look beside me and I see James shirtless. His waist and legs are covered by his thrown shirt. And of course I know what happened last night. I don't remember much of it but for sure I remember the feeling. I get up and go sit outside in the sand. I am so grateful that I am alive. Life is for moments like these. As I watch the sea hit the rocks, James comes behind me and talks to my ear.
