empty; james rodríguez

7

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The sun was shining bright and was passing through my window. With the sunlight hitting my eyes, I woke up. I have to admit that I was kind of nervous for today.

I had planned to go on a date and had gotten myself into a strange situation. Gareth was a very good friend of mine but I had a feelings his intentions weren't that pure. He was a great guy; down to earth, clever with a heart huge enough to take everyone in. But I couldn't see him as a lover. Maybe it was because of James. Maybe it was not. What mattered the most was that I didn't want to risk our friendship by dating him.

Bru suggested me to go out with him and give him a chance. However, I knew that I would break his heart if I did so. Gareth probably was in love with me and I would be lying if i said it back. And I wouldn't like to hurt anyone like he hurt me.

It was 9:03 p.m, meaning that my "date" was almost in an hour. So, I had no other choice but start getting ready.

As I was going through my closet to find what I should wear, I was wondering what people think when they see me. Like, when I walk on the street and they see a depressed girl? I mean- it's easy to notice. The redness in my eyes from the crying , the bags under them from the sleepless night, my pale skin and my facial expression which looked empty were betraying me. "Poor girl", people must think. "She seems really sad. I wonder what has happened to her".

"This is it", I say while holding the short red dress in my hands

"This is what I'm going to wear to make Gareth speechless, James jealous and myslef happy", I say and smile

I had decided that I was going to move on. My parents didn't raise so as be a heartbroken human being. They raised me to be a strong, independent woman. James wasn't going to be the centre of the world forever. I was getting over him. At least I though so.

I walk down the stairs to find Gareth waiting for me leaning on his black matte Lamborghini.

"Wow Bale, I hope you didn't do this to just  impress me", i say and smirk at him

"Well Granados, don't get your hopes up", he says and comes close to me

He takes my hand and kisses it.

"Do you do that to every girl you take out?", I ask smirking

"Only to the us who are worth it", he says starring into my eyes

"You are so beautiful tonight Estre"

"Thank you for accepting to go out with me. I don't deserve you", he says while his eyes pierce into mine

We didn't break eyes contact and we stayed like that for a minute or so. He was starting into my eyes and I was starring back at his. Actually, it was the first time that I took such a close look at his face. If someone looked at him, they would say that his eyes had a mixed colour consulting of  light but also dark blue. His hair were blonde and as the light was hitting them they looked golden. His lips looked so irresistible and they were curved into a small smile at the moment. His freckles were spread all over his face making him one of the cutest people in the world. His eyebrows were in a pretty good shape- better than any other girl's. All his characteristics were in a perfect harmony. No body could deny the fact that Gareth was a good looking guy. But in my mind there was running no other thought than James.

I was wondering if James would realise that he lost me for real when he'd see me with Gareth. I know that I said that I would get over him. But is it really that easy? Was he going to be jealous? Would he want me back?

All these thoughts were brushed off by Gareth saying my name loudly.

"Estre", he says

"Estre", he repeats louder this time

"Oh my God I'm sorry", I say and blush at these thoughts

I wanted James to be jealous for once. So as he'll know what it feels like. Even when two people are not dating anymore it's hard. Have you ever had a break up without even dating? This shit hurts like a motherfucker.

"What were you thinking about?", he asks smiling

"Nothing", I reply smiling back

"My answer is honest only if James counts as nothing", I think. Jesus, how hopeless am I.

We walk to the car and he holds the door open for me

"Thank you Gareth", I say and sit in the front

He gets in the car too and turns on the radio

I won't lie to you
I know he's just not right for you
And you can tell me if I'm off
But I see it on your face
When you say that he's the one that you want
And you're spending all your time
In this wrong situation
And anytime you want it to stop

I know I can treat you better
Than he can
And any girl like you deserves a gentleman
Tell me why are we wasting time
On all your wasted cryin'
When you should be with me instead
I know I can treat you better
Better than he can

While the song plays there's silence. For him it was probably comfortable. But for me it was awkward.

You know, even after what happened I don't regret loving James. I don't regret letting him in. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I mean it.

Throwback;

Life is so pretty at the moment. I couldn't ask for a better place to be.

Having James walking with me while holding my hand was a dream. His sweet touch would give me chills every time. His hands were so soft, like tender.

We were at a big part having a walk and talking. After some time we sit on a bench.

"I don't know Estre, I'm scared", he says suddenly

"What do you mean?", I ask

"I don't want to break your heart", he says and looks down

After a few seconds of silence, I lift us his child and get closer to his face

"Oh James", I say and touch his cheek softly

"It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you"

End of throwback.

When i was just a little girl, my mom said somethjng to me and i still remeber her words; "Estre, people are only afraid of breaking your heart when they are about to do it".